Monday

He Doesn't Respect You as a Mother

Here you are in a relationship with a man who says that he loves you and he will do what he can to take care of you and the children. However, when you are faced with challenges in raising them, he sits by and critiques you as if you are his employee and he is managing you.

Your partner says things about your parenting that makes your flesh crawl! He wants to know what you are doing, saying, making, and anything else related to the children and you are to report to him with all the details! Now this isn't a typical situation for most mothers, but there are some in relationships like this as I type. They can't seem to do anything right! What's worse is these men actually aren't doing most things right when it come to parenting the children, so to take the attention off of their faults, they zero in on the mother and what she is or is not doing with the children! Now she is observing him and telling him what he needs to do. Maybe he is giving the children candy before bed, allowing them to stay up late at night with no set time to go to sleep, sitting back and doing nothing when the children are fighting, or forgetting to feed or bathe the children and the mother would like to see some differences made. This is when the relationship gets interesting!

Some men don't take too kindly to women telling them what to do whether they are nice about it or stern. For example, she may say, "That's not the correct way to hold the baby." He retorts with, "Well what do you want me to do?" He may sigh or roll his eyes. Another example, she may see that he isn't disciplining the child for disrespecting her and so she chooses to discipline the child herself. Meanwhile, her partner interferes with negative statements about what she has done or coddles the child when he or she should be in time out or spanked.

How can a woman be confident in her role as a mother, when she doesn't have the support from her spouse? Nothing she does is good enough. He complains to his mother, sister, or friends about how "she is always telling me what to do!" He doesn't want her telling him what to do even when she is nice about it, because it bruises his ego, pride, self-worth, etc. Even when he knows he doesn't know what he is doing as a parent, he doesn't want anyone telling him what to do. This type of attitude wrecks havoc on a relationship. Even if she chooses not to tell him anything and advises that he read about certain parenting styles or techniques, he won't. She may only want to help him, help herself, and help the children by seeing a potential problem and coming up with a better way to resolve the issue, but he doesn't want to hear of it.

Mothers cry about issues like these when they sincerely only want to run the house more efficently, build a solid foundation for the children, enhance their relationship, and do other things to make life better for all! But when she has to contend with a stubborn partner who is more concerned about his ego; rather than, the things that matter in the household, she becomes increasingly frustrated. "Why can't he just see the bigger picture?" It doesn't make sense to allow a child to say or do what they want and only one parent is permitted to discipline them. It doesn't feel good to walk around on egg shells wondering if the other parent is going to snap out on you if you say so much as a word to your son or daughter! When a mother not only cooks, cleans, organizes, creates, instructs, reads, and so much more for her children and a man comes along and tries to rearrange everything that she has worked so hard to get established or ignores her experience with children, just because he doesn't want to change his ways, then expect a ticking time bomb waiting to explode!

Mothers, like fathers, want to be appreciated! They want their voices heard in the home as well. Although we live in the 21st century and women have made great strides for equal rights, in some homes women's rights are still not equal to men's! There is still a man coming home and expecting a woman "to be kept". She is to prepare the food, take care of the babies, and if he has any objections to what she is or isn't doing she is expected to cooperate or be left. An example, "I prefer you stay at home with the children rather than work," her partner says. "But I need to get out in the workplace I don't want to be home all day with the children!" the mother cries. It is then that he begins to create a strategy to get what he wants, while the mother gradually breaks down mentally and physically because she isn't getting what she wants!

There are men that have a vision going into a relationship with a woman of what she is expected to look and act like. If his mother treated him a certain way then he is looking for her to act in similar ways with the children. Sometimes a negative relationship from the past, carries over into a man's present and future and the unsuspecting victim doesn't know that she is being treated like the mother he had been raised by. If his dad was disrespectful to his wife and ran the household when it came to the children, then he may do the same.

There is a fine line between being a mother and a wife and some men can't see the difference! Not only that, some women don't help them see the difference, because they are often being one or the other-- a mother or a wife. A mother can wipe the tears from her eyes when it comes to her role being disrespected by reminding him who she is as a wife first and a mother second! She must remember to take the time to communicate her feelings to him when she is feeling like he is disrespecting her role as a mother. Yet, even after telling him repeatedly how she feels and he still insists on doing many things that make her feel like he doesn't need her input or her in his life, then it is time to call it quits! If she sticks around too long in a relationship like this, she may end up feeing very bitter and will resent her roles as mother and wife. And unfortunately, the children will pay the ultimate price because their mother is unhappy.

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

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