An excerpt from the book-When Mothers Cry-Before She Became a Mother - YouTube

I thought back to this audio I recorded awhile back.  I guess what made me think of it was due to so many young people I have found out recently becoming pregnant at 16 plus.  No one knows just how much some people despise being a mother until you see the tears or feel the pain from those who are severely impacted in your own family.  You watch or hear of  a young person struggling with "a mistake" or "accident" that will be with them for the rest of their lives.

Then you look at your own life and you have to say, "Wow, I came a long way.  I may not have been a teen mom, but I know I wasn't ready for my surprise."

An excerpt from the book-When Mothers Cry-Before She Became a Mother - YouTube

Vacation with Children: How Wonderful?

Let's just be honest, if you are traveling anywhere with young children, you will be faced with a set of challenges.  They may cry for something, become ill, fight, get lost, or move or talk so much that you think they got a hold of the most sugary thing they could find!

Recently, I had the joy of being with my children during a short road trip.  Thank God, it was short!  But what worked my nerves, during this trip, was those periods in the hotel room when they didn't want to be still enough to close their eyes and go to sleep like normal people.  Oh no, the excitement of all that is new and different kept the children active hours past an adult's patience!

As much as I love my children, I also know how much they can be a challenge at times to manage.  I am not one of those parents who denies that their children and others get on their nerves.  Some parents mismanage their frustrations and blame everyone and everything, but their children.  I feel that is so wrong and if this kind of attitude is kept up, it can destroy decent relationships, friendships, and even cause problems on the job.  No one wants to hear about how it is this person's fault and that issue which caused XYZ when everyone can clearly see that you are stressed out about your children.  Save the public relations campaign for those bratty, selfish little people with their starry-eyes and cute little ways.

I created another blog not that long ago about my recent experiences traveling with my children, do check it out here. 

The children and I visiting the National Martin Luther King Historic Site, Atlanta GA.

Stop by my YouTube page for a future video of what we saw on our trip.

When The Problem Isn't the Parent...

Those times will happen when you just can't seem to understand why your child consistently gets in trouble over some issue, has frequent accidents, and seems to have a problem with certain members in his or her class.  Now I'm not that naive parent who believes my children are angels all of the time.  I do realize that they will have their bad days.  But sometimes, it isn't their fault.  As a parent, you have to go through a process of elimination in order to get down to the root cause of frequent abnormal behaviors.

When your child is suddenly getting into trouble, consider what is going on at home, but also think about what might be happening in school.  Interview your children on what is going on at school.  Question the daily routine they follow and ask about new rules and programs.  Find out where they are seated in the classroom.  Learn names of friends and listen intently when they complain about certain students.  Make time to talk with your child's teacher, school nurse (if necessary) and/or principal.

I had an issue not that long ago where a little girl was upset with my son because he proved her wrong about an issue.  She believed that boys couldn't sing, so he sang a song and made her look silly.  Rather than just take it like a girl--lol, she hit him.  Well needless to say, she got her sassy self in trouble.  I later found out that my son was seated at a table with all girls and apparently she didn't want him to be there.  Unfortunately, this new seating arrangement made him a target because he was the odd ball at the table.  The teacher simply adjusted the seating and put him at a table that is more balanced between girls and boys, problem solved.

Another issue occurred when he repeatedly came home with wet trousers, when I inquired about this.  I found out that the bathroom was usually left in bad condition.  Therefore, he didn't feel comfortable going inside, he rather wet himself.  With a little spruce up, the bathroom was inviting; therefore my son has been utilizing the bathroom ever since.

Sometimes we can take on too many issues as parents and say, "Well if I would do this more...maybe if I would try this..."  We have to realize that it isn't always about us and it isn't always about the teacher either.  At times, problems with our children can stem from a new way of doing things in the school, a new teacher, classmate, or atmosphere.  Look at everything that might be causing problems with your child before putting unnecessary burdens on yourself!

Nicholl McGuire

Motherhood Peaks and Valleys: What are yours?

There are the perceptions that others have of the kind of mother you are, who you should be, or the mother you once were.  Others' ideas influence the way we view ourselves.  Whether we receive positive or negative reviews from so-called well-meaning family and friends, we try to do the things that not only help our reputation as mothers, but also appease others.  When we find ourselves more concerned about what other people think; rather than what our Creator thinks, we get ourselves into trouble!  Physical issues surface, mental anguish is experienced and those around us are negatively impacted ie.) anger outbursts and forgetfulness.  These moments are considered our valleys--down moments.  The places in our motherhood journey where we feel at an all-time low. 

Our culture tends to esteem mothers, make them feel as if the weight of the world is upon their shoulders, because we are supposed to be so strong, wise, and loving.  Mother is to talk, walk and act in a certain way when it comes to parenting.  In some circles, she isn't provided with real support despite an individual or group claiming to support her.  Sometimes she is in a valley moment all by herself!  Her own mother doesn't have a good listening ear, because she is most likely in a valley moment by herself--sometimes comparing her own experiences to her daughters.  Too overwhelmed, nervous, or fearful to offer any sound advice, these older mothers don't have much to share when it comes to stories of victory. In addition, there is the partner or best friend who is often busy doing other things to even notice that mom is struggling these days with being a parent.

Valley moments happen, but in order to overcome them you must constantly remind yourself, "This too shall pass," as mentioned in the Holy Bible.  Redirect your focus and come up higher.  Find the path that will lead you out of your valley moment.  Stay in the valley too long and the storms of life might overtake you!  A mother is no good to her family in a hospital bed!  Once we arrive at those mountain peaks (up moments) in our motherhood journey, it is time to break for rest.  Some of us, don't allow ourselves to do that and so back down the valley we go.  Angry, hurt, confused, bitter, jealous, or some other emotion we experience, because other mothers "appear" like they are doing much better than us.  We deceive ourselves into thinking that we have had enough quiet time or peace after a valley moment.  Some of us prematurely arrive to a peak, then end up falling back down into the valley.

Appreciate those "up" moments when no one is calling to go out, no one is in need of you, and no one is interrupting you while going here and there with unnecessary chatter.  The world has tricked us into believing that a busy mother is a blessed one; rather a busy mother is a stressed one!  She is usually juggling too many things!  She may have a bank account filled with money and friends on speed dial, but is this really what reaching the top of one's motherhood journey really supposed to look like?  That is the world's definition of success which doesn't help us after this life is over. 

God blesses us with peaks in our motherhood journey that release us of our burdens not add to them.  Sometimes we confuse what we initiate when it comes to career, family, events and more with God's plan.  He doesn't tell us to be all we can be to everyone--to busy ourselves every part of the day.  God doesn't put anymore on us than we can bear!  To truly experience those peaks in one's motherhood journey, she must sit back, relax and tune into God.  Ask what might you need to do to experience more mountain peaks and less valley moments.

Reflect on those valleys God brought you out of, you know those times when you thought you were going to run away from the children, but didn't.  Those moments when you thought you were a bad parent, but you knew you really weren't.  You came up higher, didn't you?  Some of you have dropped some of those people and activities in your lives that were leaving you frazzled, frequently upset, and burdened financially, now you are enjoying many more positive moments in motherhood. 

Appreciate your peaks and valleys, moms!  Learn from them, then help a mother who may be struggling to walk with her head held high.

Nicholl McGuire

Check Yourself, Before You Wreck Yourself!

Back when I was a teen, there was a rapper I heard say, "Check yourself, before you wreck yourself."  The comment was a warning to those who were into drug use.  But these days, I thought about this comment when it comes to that chatter in our heads.  You know those negative thoughts that come and go throughout the day?

From a minor irritation to a major dispute with someone, inside our minds there is something going on that isn't always so positive.  We may replay an issue, talk about what we should have, could have said, or we make a mental note to share our concern with others (being certain to include why we were right and the other person was wrong.)

Sometimes it doesn't have to be a negative situation that stimulates negative thinking in our minds.  We could actually just be in some other world, so to speak, due to hormonal issues or influences around us that trigger certain emotions ie.) watching TV, listening to music or surfing the Internet.

Whatever our thought processes for the day might conjure up, we may want to check them, before we end up doing or saying something that might hurt someone we care about.

I came across an interesting blog by a stay-at-home mother of two who posted a thought-provoking entry about that chatter in our heads and offers her own personal experience.

Read more here.