When Motherhood Ruins Your College Friendships

The joys of motherhood can often be shadowed by the pain of ruined friendships. Sometimes motherhood has a way of ruining college friendships. The following is a look at when motherhood ruins your college friendships, and what you can do about it.

Why it happens: The first thing you have to address is why it happens. The biggest reason that being a mom can ruin a college friendship is because if you are a mom, and your friends are not, your lives are on different tracks. They are in the career world, or out at clubs, etc. and you are up to your elbows in laundry, dirty diapers, and finding the right preschool. Your interests and priorities in life are suddenly very, very different. You no longer relate on the same level because you are not longer on the same level. Instead of being able to talk for hours on end, you usually end up sitting around with nothing to talk about. Basically, if you are a mom and they are not, or if they are a mom, and you are not, life is different.

How to make the results less painful: Many people feel a great void when they lose their college friends because they now have kids. While their kids bring them fulfillment and joy, it is still hard to not have as many friends, or to lose friendships that were once so strong. So, one of the things you can do to lessen the impact of the blow is to make new friends that are moms as well. You are not going to relate as well to those who are not moms, so if you lose one friend to motherhood, make another because of it. This really helps. Another thing you can do is simply fill the void with your child. You can take mom and me classes, teach them things, or spend time focusing on them that you would have spent going out with friends.

Protecting yourself from friendship loss: While the above suggestions work well, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is simply not to let your college friendships fall victim to motherhood. The following are three tips for helping you maintain college friendships, even after you have children:

1. Have kid-free outings with friends. If you get together with your friends, leave your children at home. Pay for a sitter. While your friends may think your kids are cute, and enjoy a moment or two with them, they are not going to want a shopping trip hauling kids around, or a movie where they are dealing with shushing kids up so they do not bother other movie-goers. So, when you do get together, don't take your kids unless they ask you to bring them along.

2. Don't lose your identity to only being "mom". One reason the friendships get ruined is because you have changed a lot. If you want to keep your friendships up, then don't lose your identity. Maintain the things that keep you unique. If you are only "mom" then your friends may not want or need your company.

3. Talk about things besides your kids. When you talk on the phone with your friends, when you are out with them, when you run into them at the supermarket, talk about politics, weather, past memories, the latest fashion, etc. DO NOT spend every second talking about the adorable things you kids did and said. It is not nearly as adorable to them, and can actually be obnoxious.

For more parenting tips, visit http://www.surfnetparents.com.

By Beverly Frank

Having a Female Midlife Crisis? - Be Grateful

A Female Midlife Crisis is Actually a Midlife Awakening

You should consider a female midlife crisis to be an almost inevitable wakeup call. In a sense, it is nature telling you it's time to pay attention to how you're living your life. What do you really want to accomplish? What's missing from your life? A woman who's having a midlife crisis should not ignore this powerful signal. Instead, it can actually help you, because by understanding it you will be happier.

Don't hang up when you receive your wakeup call; answer it instead.

What is a midlife crisis, anyway?

Things are much different than they used to be. Your female midlife crisis is not the same kind your mother had. Now, we don't believe that menopausal women are crazy and no longer have anything to offer once their children leave home. Instead, we realize that a midlife crisis signals a transition in a woman's life and is something every woman should be grateful for.

It's a loud and sometimes frightening signal to change things that aren't making you happy. If you pay attention to this signal, you'll be able to transform your life.

This is the perfect time to re-evaluate things, determine what's not making you happy, and then make the changes that will lead to a more fulfilling and happier life. As a result, a this transition period can actually be incredibly empowering.

You're aware and you're reading this article, so you're ready to make a change. Right?

The Symptoms of Midlife Crisis

The symptoms of midlife crisis can vary a great deal from woman to woman, depending on lifestyle and mental outlook on life. A more severe transition into the midlife years will often be triggered by major issues such as the death of a parent, divorce, job loss or the empty nest syndrome. Are you experiencing any of the following symptoms?

• A feeling of restlessness or a desire for some totally different experiences
• A fear that time is running out to get what you want out of life
• Boredom or being discontented with life, including your lifestyle and the things and people around you
• Wondering whether previous decisions were correct
• An increase or decrease in your sex drive
• Depression, lethargy and/or feeling exhausted
• Feeling overwhelmed or burdened
• Bursts of frantic energy, anger and/or irritability
• Realizing your mortality
• Questioning the meaning of life, your purpose, who you are and where your life is heading
• Overindulging in alcohol, sex, drugs, food or other compulsive behavior

Be Grateful for your Midlife Awakening

Fortunately, you're living in enlightened times. We now know that great personal growth and awareness can come out of the midlife transitional period. If you let it, this can become a time of re-evaluation, awakening and rebirth.

Now that you know your midlife crisis can actually be a gift, how can you address it and ensure that the next chapter of your life will be the best? Simply cast away any negative stereotypes. Don't be limited in any way by your age, because it's never too late to be happy and fulfilled.

You can begin again and be happy by listening to that wakeup call right now.

Life is supposed to be good. Learn more about how to start over at http://www.happyhalfway.com/how-to-start-over.html

Gale Lennard is the creator of http://www.HappyHalfway.com - How to be happy in Midlife, A Must-Have Guide for Women Over 40

Midlife Transition - Five Ways to Change a Midlife Crisis to Midlife Transformation

There are several things you can do to be sure that what could be a mid-life crisis is actually an opportunity for transformation. It is not inevitable to be in 'crisis' and the symptoms are not all just physical. Here are five ways you can change a crisis to an experience that is transforming:

1. Feelings are not right or wrong.

Just allow them to be and FEEL them fully and you'll find that they change easily. I have learned that every feeling fully felt actually becomes blissful. It's the ones we attempt to deny that cause problems. Share them with someone who will listen but not let you wallow. A great coach can help here - or a really good friend.

2. Spend time in reflection each day.

Crisis can be averted if you see it coming. It's those who ignore the signs that get in trouble. Think about your life - where you want it to be - not where it is!

3. See your spouse (if you are married) in a whole new light.

Rekindle the experience of having both a friend and lover. Often, we take one another for granted. Find a few hours each week to be alone together and remember why you got together in the first place.

4. Reconsider your goals

Are the things you are considering realistic? Do they give you a sense of aliveness. I believe that the best goals to set are the ones that connect us with our essence rather than specifics. I mean set a goal to find more JOY each day, as an example, or look for ways you can show more LOVE to all you meet. This produces amazing results.

5. Make yourself do something you've never done before.

It could be a new hobby, or as simple as tasting some kind of food you've never eaten. Most of my friends find a new way to challenge themselves every month - it keeps life exciting.

And there are so many more. I'm all about creating a new Midlife paradigm. I've been studying (and living) this stuff for sometime now. I'd like to share more thoughts with you. When you subscribe to my free Reinvent Midlife newsletter, you'll receive instant access to a special report called, "7 Secrets for Reinventing Midlife from the Inside-Out". Go now to http://www.reinventmidlife.com

From Dr. Toni LaMotta, , The Midlife Mentor, Best-selling Author of "What You REALLY Want, Wants You", Inspirational Keynote Speaker

Miscarriage, Baby Loss & Motherhood - What Can I Do to Mark the Death of My Miscarried Baby?

Miscarriage and Mothering Matters

It is several years since I had my miscarriages. And my energy since then has been invested in my Law of Attraction twin toddlers. But many times during this period I have felt the tug of my other babies wanting attention from their mother.

And also from within myself a feeling that I am not mothering them in the way that I want to....very little admiring of them, sharing their wonder, special time alone with them, talking to them.

And no laughter together, deep listening from me and the sense that we are growing together in magical ways.

Miscarried Baby

These are my babies, my children. It doesn't matter that they didn't get to breath outside the womb. I am their mother and I want more for us than an occasional conversation or sending of love. I want more substance, something deeper.

This is what I yearn for now. To get to know my babies. To hear them, to nurture them, to share with them and to receive the gifts they have for me and the world. I want them to thrive too.

Convention suggests that this is not possible because these babies are dead right? That is a bit weird Deirdre.

But in death, only our physical selves cease to exist. Our beautiful essence continues into eternity. Of course we can continue to love, laugh and co-create magic......just in a different way. It helps, of course, if we have a special time or space in which we can do that.

Deirdre Morris would like to invite you to her Free Teleseminars 'Honoring Miscarriage, Celebrating Life' for women who have experienced miscarriage. Visit http://www.MiscarriageInspiration.com to sign up and join Deirdre Morris in inspiring a new understanding in miscarriage.

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