My Four Boys & I: When Things Are Good, There Good

When things are good in my household, they are good, but when they are bad, they are baaaddd! Four active boys can keep you on your toes! Now that the new year has begun, the accidents, the tantrums, the time-outs, the threats, the anger outbursts, you name it we have done it all and we aren't even a month old in the new year!

I personally think that children don't need school vacations throughout the year (just pick a seasn and a couple of weeks and be done!LOL) especially if they are not doing well. For example, I asked one of my sons who isn't doing so well in school, why isn't he stepping up, completing his lessons, focusing, etc. He said, "I don't know." So I attempt to dig deeper and he blames other people. Well we spent Winter Break hitting books! From 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. weekdays with a couple shortbreaks in between, my two oldest sons were completing workbooks and worksheets as well as arts and crafts. My youngest two were being taught using flashcards, games, and videos. We all helped the little ones.

Needless to say, there were times when I had to step out the room and take a timeout myself! The questions, bickering, disruptions, and loud noises at times made me feel like I was in over my head! How much do I have to do to keep these boys busy!? When 5 p.m. shows on the clock at my house, things get loud quickly. The TV is turned up, the children are running from room to room and someone eventually yells or cries, "I'm tellin'" The next thing I know, from the smallest (who is now 2) to the oldest (who is now 10,) there is a question, concern, or complaint for me. "He hit me...He took my toy...He broke my toy...When is dinner ready?" I don't know what happens to me by 5 p.m. but I think some ugly devil of sorts mounts on my shoulders and I am ready to breathe fire on someone, "If you don't get out my face...don't you see I'm cooking? Give your brother his toy back. Stop running. Pick that stuff up. Did you take out the trash? What's that smell? Did anyone think about helping your little brother who obviously can't get that on his own? Who was in my stuff?"

In case you didn't know, I am not a single mom, but almost 9 sometimes 10 hours a day with these four, I feel like one! Thank God Winter Break is almost over! Two down and what do I do with the other two with no money for daycare and no family nearby? UGH!


Nicholl McGuire
http://www.nichollmcguire.blogspot.com/

Can We Talk?

Sometimes that's all a mother wants to do is talk. Not the kind of talk like, "Hi baby. Yes mommy knows. I love you too." She may have been talking to her own children all day like this. What a stay-at-home mother may want by hour nine is just a little adult conversation. However, what usually happens is her spouse comes through the door having had his fill of adult conversation and just wants to sit in front of the television. What does she do? How annoyed she must feel?

It hurts when you attempt to reach out to those around you to converse and your conversation is returned with a, "Hmm. Um. Okay. Alright. Hello. Have a nice day." It can be a lonely world for a woman who stays at home with children, a single mother in between jobs, or someone who happens to have children in their care with no other adult support.

Although the world may brag about being family friendly, it really isn't most of the time. A mother toting her small babies around town isn't always welcomed with a smile and a hello. Her children may receive a little smile and a touch from a stranger, but when strangers look at her their smile may fade even if she is attempting to be friendly and make small talk.

Conversation is healing for many mothers who feel alone, but when the world is busily rushing from one event to the next, passing by her in search of the next best thing to buy, they miss an opportunity to receive or be a blessing to her. They miss a bit of wisdom or possibly a great employee because they are just too consumed with what they need and want.

Sometimes we have to just take the time to stroll through our neighborhoods with the intention of talking to someone. Rather than being the one who is speaking when spoken to, maybe we should be the one speaking first. From our partners to strangers on the street, whether we or they need to talk, we should pause for a moment. Who knows what we might discover. "Can we talk?"

Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com

Opting Out of Mommy Invites

The invitations have come to me over the years to attend playgroups with mothers, to go to someone’s child’s birthday party, to sit with a parent watching children at home, to watch a school performance, or to walk through a children’s museum with another parent. Do you already see what is wrong with this picture? If you don’t see by now what I am getting at then you are most likely the parent asking everyone to attend various kid functions. You probably have wondered why your friend or even your sister keeps opting out. I will tell you in the coming paragraphs why. However, if you are not the parent always asking another parent to attend a children’s event but are usually the one being invited, but you don’t go, I’m not mad at you, if anything, I support you.

I am a mother of four so the last place I want to be invited to is yet another children’s event. If anything, I want someone to invite me to a place that has no children! When I have what little free time I can get, I try to stay away from family restaurants, family events, family functions and anything else where there might be a child present. I see absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to go somewhere anywhere where there is no children present even if it means running a hot bath while no one is at home or sitting alone in a room by candlelight saying the words as one health nutritionist, Rose Carter, suggests, “Positivity in, negativity out…”

I don’t understand why a mother would be insulted by another mother not wanting to attend children’s events. I don’t get it, a mother runs herself ragged trying to keep up with every little activity her children participate in and then wants you to tag along!? She then becomes offended because others just aren’t interested in what her little itty bitty boo boo is doing. I personally think that some women have forsaken being a woman altogether for being a mother. Here’s a quick test you can do on yourself or someone else to see if you have forsaken who you are as a woman. Try spending some time alone without thinking or doing something for your family. This means “no” doing the following: talking about your man or children, doing laundry, creating a shopping list, putting your children’s toys away or ironing their clothes, doing things around the house to help your partner, shopping for things for the house, or anything else for that matter that have nothing to do with finding your sense of self. I bet you most women will fail! That valuable time of peace could have been best used to do the following: your hair, shave your legs, put some make up on, take a long walk, watch a movie you have been putting off, call a girlfriend, make appointments to see a doctor, a friend, or anything else you have been procrastinating about, or answer all those emails you have been ignoring from family and friends (I’m sure some of them are insulted by now and are talking about how you never respond to your emails.)

There are those women who love the children’s events because they get the opportunity to meet like-minded mothers and for that I understand, because I don’t mind attending them within reason. But once I have met a mother at one of those gatherings, I am not interested in going places with her with her children or mine in tote all the time. I don’t want to talk about what great thing her child did, so that she can question me about what great thing my child did then later she is comparing her child to mine. To be quite honest, I could care less about what anyone’s child is or isn’t doing. It’s hard enough just raising my own to be concerned about other people’s children. When a parent starts bragging or venting about their child to me, I personally give the child’s name to God and leave it there. I don’t say too much if anything about my own usually I change the subject and talk about anything but my man and children.

There are plenty of mothers in this world, actually more than enough, but where are the women? Where are those youthful spirits who use to say, “Hey why don’t we go to the mall and just try on stuff? What about joining this group and having fun meeting new people? How about we create something that will make others come out the house and live a little? What about doing something that will take our minds off the man and the children? I’ll be over to pick you up, you better be ready!” As I write I think of limo rides, flea markets, vacations, bed and breakfasts, bowling, skating, laughing while walking through a sexy novelty shop, and a whole slew of other fun, crazy, and downright money-making ways to get women together not mothers! If you are this kind of WOMAN, I praise you for it!


Nicholl McGuire

Was all bright this Xmas?

I hope you had a good Xmas, but if you didn't I hope you are planning now what you will do for the whole year to avoid, fix, change, rearrange, cut off whatever made you angry.

We opted out this year, next year and many years after. After conducting some research online the past weeks and doing some other fun things to release the burden off our shoulders of celebrating Xmas, we realized that what we have been doing the past 10 plus years is ridiculous!

Our story is quite simple we talk about God to the children but we wrap gifts with Santa paper. We tell them there is no Santa, but yet strangers want to make our children believe there is one. We talk about how we don't have any money to buy everything that they want, yet we ask them, "What do you want?" We say, "This is Christ's birthday." When in fact it isn't. We are disappointed year after year with what people buy us as compared to the money we spend on them. We cuss and fuss about all the noise and "you better not break that toy because you won't be getting another one..." only to buy another one. So in summary, we realized we were a bunch of hypocrites and decided something had to be sacrificed and so we cut off the pagan holiday for good.

So what will we do for New Years? Stay home, out of trouble, invite others to our domain, and open up gifts to celebrate the birth of a New Year while praying to the one who made all things possible. We have apologized profusely to God for the years we glorified a baby for we learned the hard way that it never "pays" to go along to get along or jump on the bandwagon. Rather, we are responsible for the truth and it is up to us to tell it.

Be blessed, not stressed.
Nicholl McGuire
Author When Mothers Cry
Digital book available too!

Just in case any of my readers put their account in overdraft for the umpteenth time, you need to check out a video I uploaded on YouTube...click the link

No more bank fees!

When Mother Knows Best & They Don't

If you have been a mother for any length of time then your intuition concerning your children has been challenged by someone who is either helping you raise your children or occassionally babysitting for you.

He or she may not have verbally said one word about the way you raise your children, but this person may have done some things the total opposite of what you wanted them to just because they are stubborn, jealous, or just don't want to admit that you are right and they are wrong. Whatever the reason, you know your children better than the rest of them and if what you say and do is in their best interest, then by all means stand strong in your beliefs, convictions and so on.

I have been in debates with the fathers of my children over what they thought was the littlest of things. From our young children watching things on television they can't handle to what they have given them to eat. As we all know children can't digest violence without eventually acting it out on their siblings or other children. We also know that if you give a child a certain sweet snack before a meal or before bed time, you are in for some trouble. And most importantly, as mothers, we know that if you don't have a consistent bedtime for your children, they will not perform well in school and their moodiness (from being tired) gets them in trouble with you and everyone else.

The shrug of the shoulders, the eye rolls, and the attitude from bystanders because once again someone has upset you concerning your children is enough to make you want to yell at the top of your lungs, "What are you looking at?! Does anyone understand? Do you know what kind of impression you are making on my child? Who do you think you are!" Some people just don't get it! We must remember we are living in times where evil is considered good and good is considered evil. "It's okay to let our son play the rated M game, it's not that bad. Why are you so angry about him not going to bed on time? What's the big deal about our daughter going over her friend's house every Friday night? What is the problem with the way I discipline the children? You are too strict! Why can't the children listen to that song? They don't know what it means," say some fathers and relatives, but you know what's best.

I have had debates similar to the ones mentioned above and I can tell you that, in the past, I have literally exhausted myself trying to explain why wrestling isn't good for a four and five year old or why we needed to start putting money away for our children's future. If we don't stand up for what we believe is wrong for our children then who will? I put no trust in family, friend, or foe to give me accurate information and be 100% transparent when they are with my child while I am away. The reason for this is because I know that I didn't always provide every single detail to everyone about my own children, so why would I expect differently from people who don't know my children like I do?

Now I understand that when one isn't in the presence of their children due to unfortunate circumstances or is in a position where they have no choice but to let someone else spend 8 to 10 hours a day with their babies, there is a good possibility that he or she doesn't know best, but the caretaker does. How could a parent who is often working or away from their child really know what's going on if they aren't doing the following: taking time out to interview his or her son or daughter, asking specific questions about the child's experience with the caretaker, showing up to parent and teacher meetings, and most of all taking the time to listen to their child when he or she wants to talk.

In conclusion, mother doesn't always know what's best, but when she does, she just wants someone to listen and do what she asks when it comes to the children's mental and physical well-being. Is that too much to ask?


Nicholl McGuire
http://www.myspace.com/howtobooks