Opting Out of Mommy Invites

The invitations have come to me over the years to attend playgroups with mothers, to go to someone’s child’s birthday party, to sit with a parent watching children at home, to watch a school performance, or to walk through a children’s museum with another parent. Do you already see what is wrong with this picture? If you don’t see by now what I am getting at then you are most likely the parent asking everyone to attend various kid functions. You probably have wondered why your friend or even your sister keeps opting out. I will tell you in the coming paragraphs why. However, if you are not the parent always asking another parent to attend a children’s event but are usually the one being invited, but you don’t go, I’m not mad at you, if anything, I support you.

I am a mother of four so the last place I want to be invited to is yet another children’s event. If anything, I want someone to invite me to a place that has no children! When I have what little free time I can get, I try to stay away from family restaurants, family events, family functions and anything else where there might be a child present. I see absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to go somewhere anywhere where there is no children present even if it means running a hot bath while no one is at home or sitting alone in a room by candlelight saying the words as one health nutritionist, Rose Carter, suggests, “Positivity in, negativity out…”

I don’t understand why a mother would be insulted by another mother not wanting to attend children’s events. I don’t get it, a mother runs herself ragged trying to keep up with every little activity her children participate in and then wants you to tag along!? She then becomes offended because others just aren’t interested in what her little itty bitty boo boo is doing. I personally think that some women have forsaken being a woman altogether for being a mother. Here’s a quick test you can do on yourself or someone else to see if you have forsaken who you are as a woman. Try spending some time alone without thinking or doing something for your family. This means “no” doing the following: talking about your man or children, doing laundry, creating a shopping list, putting your children’s toys away or ironing their clothes, doing things around the house to help your partner, shopping for things for the house, or anything else for that matter that have nothing to do with finding your sense of self. I bet you most women will fail! That valuable time of peace could have been best used to do the following: your hair, shave your legs, put some make up on, take a long walk, watch a movie you have been putting off, call a girlfriend, make appointments to see a doctor, a friend, or anything else you have been procrastinating about, or answer all those emails you have been ignoring from family and friends (I’m sure some of them are insulted by now and are talking about how you never respond to your emails.)

There are those women who love the children’s events because they get the opportunity to meet like-minded mothers and for that I understand, because I don’t mind attending them within reason. But once I have met a mother at one of those gatherings, I am not interested in going places with her with her children or mine in tote all the time. I don’t want to talk about what great thing her child did, so that she can question me about what great thing my child did then later she is comparing her child to mine. To be quite honest, I could care less about what anyone’s child is or isn’t doing. It’s hard enough just raising my own to be concerned about other people’s children. When a parent starts bragging or venting about their child to me, I personally give the child’s name to God and leave it there. I don’t say too much if anything about my own usually I change the subject and talk about anything but my man and children.

There are plenty of mothers in this world, actually more than enough, but where are the women? Where are those youthful spirits who use to say, “Hey why don’t we go to the mall and just try on stuff? What about joining this group and having fun meeting new people? How about we create something that will make others come out the house and live a little? What about doing something that will take our minds off the man and the children? I’ll be over to pick you up, you better be ready!” As I write I think of limo rides, flea markets, vacations, bed and breakfasts, bowling, skating, laughing while walking through a sexy novelty shop, and a whole slew of other fun, crazy, and downright money-making ways to get women together not mothers! If you are this kind of WOMAN, I praise you for it!


Nicholl McGuire

Was all bright this Xmas?

I hope you had a good Xmas, but if you didn't I hope you are planning now what you will do for the whole year to avoid, fix, change, rearrange, cut off whatever made you angry.

We opted out this year, next year and many years after. After conducting some research online the past weeks and doing some other fun things to release the burden off our shoulders of celebrating Xmas, we realized that what we have been doing the past 10 plus years is ridiculous!

Our story is quite simple we talk about God to the children but we wrap gifts with Santa paper. We tell them there is no Santa, but yet strangers want to make our children believe there is one. We talk about how we don't have any money to buy everything that they want, yet we ask them, "What do you want?" We say, "This is Christ's birthday." When in fact it isn't. We are disappointed year after year with what people buy us as compared to the money we spend on them. We cuss and fuss about all the noise and "you better not break that toy because you won't be getting another one..." only to buy another one. So in summary, we realized we were a bunch of hypocrites and decided something had to be sacrificed and so we cut off the pagan holiday for good.

So what will we do for New Years? Stay home, out of trouble, invite others to our domain, and open up gifts to celebrate the birth of a New Year while praying to the one who made all things possible. We have apologized profusely to God for the years we glorified a baby for we learned the hard way that it never "pays" to go along to get along or jump on the bandwagon. Rather, we are responsible for the truth and it is up to us to tell it.

Be blessed, not stressed.
Nicholl McGuire
Author When Mothers Cry
Digital book available too!

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When Mother Knows Best & They Don't

If you have been a mother for any length of time then your intuition concerning your children has been challenged by someone who is either helping you raise your children or occassionally babysitting for you.

He or she may not have verbally said one word about the way you raise your children, but this person may have done some things the total opposite of what you wanted them to just because they are stubborn, jealous, or just don't want to admit that you are right and they are wrong. Whatever the reason, you know your children better than the rest of them and if what you say and do is in their best interest, then by all means stand strong in your beliefs, convictions and so on.

I have been in debates with the fathers of my children over what they thought was the littlest of things. From our young children watching things on television they can't handle to what they have given them to eat. As we all know children can't digest violence without eventually acting it out on their siblings or other children. We also know that if you give a child a certain sweet snack before a meal or before bed time, you are in for some trouble. And most importantly, as mothers, we know that if you don't have a consistent bedtime for your children, they will not perform well in school and their moodiness (from being tired) gets them in trouble with you and everyone else.

The shrug of the shoulders, the eye rolls, and the attitude from bystanders because once again someone has upset you concerning your children is enough to make you want to yell at the top of your lungs, "What are you looking at?! Does anyone understand? Do you know what kind of impression you are making on my child? Who do you think you are!" Some people just don't get it! We must remember we are living in times where evil is considered good and good is considered evil. "It's okay to let our son play the rated M game, it's not that bad. Why are you so angry about him not going to bed on time? What's the big deal about our daughter going over her friend's house every Friday night? What is the problem with the way I discipline the children? You are too strict! Why can't the children listen to that song? They don't know what it means," say some fathers and relatives, but you know what's best.

I have had debates similar to the ones mentioned above and I can tell you that, in the past, I have literally exhausted myself trying to explain why wrestling isn't good for a four and five year old or why we needed to start putting money away for our children's future. If we don't stand up for what we believe is wrong for our children then who will? I put no trust in family, friend, or foe to give me accurate information and be 100% transparent when they are with my child while I am away. The reason for this is because I know that I didn't always provide every single detail to everyone about my own children, so why would I expect differently from people who don't know my children like I do?

Now I understand that when one isn't in the presence of their children due to unfortunate circumstances or is in a position where they have no choice but to let someone else spend 8 to 10 hours a day with their babies, there is a good possibility that he or she doesn't know best, but the caretaker does. How could a parent who is often working or away from their child really know what's going on if they aren't doing the following: taking time out to interview his or her son or daughter, asking specific questions about the child's experience with the caretaker, showing up to parent and teacher meetings, and most of all taking the time to listen to their child when he or she wants to talk.

In conclusion, mother doesn't always know what's best, but when she does, she just wants someone to listen and do what she asks when it comes to the children's mental and physical well-being. Is that too much to ask?


Nicholl McGuire
http://www.myspace.com/howtobooks

Disney’s Mickey & Minnie’s Gift of the Magi

One night while preparing the children for bed, one of my sons went over to a cabinet where he stores his books and pulled out one that made me look at my financial woes a little differently. Disney’s Mickey & Minnie’s Gift of the Magi by Bruce Talkington and illustrated by Fernando Guell Cano was the book my son selected for me to read.

The book starts off with “It was the day before Christmas…” right away I was interested given the time period at which my son brought me the book – mind you he is only 3. The story begins with telling us about Mickey’s woes” his coat not warm enough, Christmas tree not large enough, and his pockets were empty. Well by this time I am really into this book, because it is describing similar real life situations I have been in and currently face. But despite all of this Mickey is playing his harmonica.

As Mickey and Pluto stroll down the street, Mickey notices a necklace in a store front window. While I am reading, I am thinking, “The happiness and music just stopped for you Mickey.” But the optimistic mouse’s discovery makes him determined to get this gift to go with Minnie’s watch. Now Mickey is reminded by his empty pockets that he can’t get the necklace, but he tells his dog Pluto that “you and I are going to make lots of tips today…” Meanwhile, Minnie is at home having a problem that is very much the kind we as mothers can relate to and that is a pile of unpaid bills. She tells her cat, “There’s nothing but bills how am I ever going to afford to get Mickey a present?” She quickly realizes Mickey is at the door and rather than bombard him with a list of worries, the book says she “shoved the bills in a drawer and raced into the living room.”

As I read more, Minnie wants to get a case for Mickey’s harmonica because she notices that he wraps it up in an old rag.
Now I am thinking at this point that neither Mickey nor Minnie don’t have children, no fancy car (because he dropped her off at work riding a dog sled – LOL) so why all the bills? They have two jobs between them.

Anyway, Mickey has a hard boss who could care less about the sentiments of Christmas just the money that the Christmas trees bring. Mickey is working very hard and ends up acquiring enough money to get Minnie’s necklace; however just as luck would have it his boss would take his money. He did this because he didn’t like Mickey disrupting his efforts to rip a poor father off by up-selling him on a tree they didn’t want and lying that the expensive trees was all he had. Mickey sold the family a cheaper tree. Mickey’s boss threw him and the dog off his property. However, nothing good comes of the boss and he ended up burning his money and his trees up due to a lit cigar he was smoking. Meanwhile at Minnie’s job, a bonus she was expecting from her boss ended up being a fruitcake.

While the firefighters put out the fire, Mickey played his harmonica. The firefighters heard him because they were due to attend a toy drive and play in the band. Mickey joined them. However, the writer of the story doesn’t write that Mickey receives any money for his efforts – I am thinking, “Isn’t that typical.” Mickey eventually leaves in time to meet the store owner who has the necklace he wants to get for Minnie, so he trades his harmonica for the necklace. Meanwhile, Minnie had traded her watch for a case for Mickey’s harmonica. The story ends with the couple wishing one another a Merry Christmas. The writer adds, “It was a Christmas they’d never forget.”

Can I just remind you this is a children’s book? My three-year-old is just looking at the pictures. He doesn’t know that the book he brought to me spoke into our family’s current situation. The only difference is rather than making trades, we borrowed credit to make the end of our story a Merry Christmas.

What I found rather odd is that although this is a children’s book, in addition to parents and children, this story should be read to childless couples too. From the looks of things the mice have nothing to show for all this debt they acquired and if they had babies, you could only imagine what kind of hours they would be putting in at work! If they were willing to work extra hard just to buy two simple gifts they would be working even harder for their families.

I don’t want to read too deeply into this simple story, but the lesson I learned after re-reading this is the debt the mice acquired most likely came from spoiling one another. We spoil our children, partners and ourselves and then we cry when our backs are up against the wall and can’t pay for anything. Those mice were working hard to give one another everything they needed and wanted and then when it came down to a gift that really mattered to each of them, neither one could help due to all their past debt. The stress of bills will make any mother in over her head cry!

So the moral of the story is when you are in debt, don’t do what Mickey did in the beginning of the story, gaze in the store front window. Ignore the emails, click past the eBay link, throw away the catalogs, and even say no to the needy people on the street when you know you are already obligated to your lenders. Most of all, don’t allow your burdens and other people’s attitudes or cheap giving take your happiness away, like Mickey kept playing his harmonica, you keep on playing yours!

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire
Check out my writings at Triond

Note: Typical Disney why would they title this book like this...Magi? Needless to say, Disney books have been removed off my children's shelves after seeing way too many occult things going on between the pages.

Cherish Those Days When You Feel Good...

You ever wake up one day and notice that you feel good all over. Its a blessing in disguise! You go through the day picking up things, cleaning stuff, organizing old things, and talking about a little of this and that with family and friends. You just feel good! Well what if we could feel like that all the time? That's where the Bible, self-improvement books, blogs, radio talk shows, and the neighbor down the street come in, we all have tips to share about feeling good. But the truth is that it can be a challenge to utilize everybody's advice in the face of difficulties.

I will be the first to admit that inadequate sleep will affect my mood before any person or situation does. Sometimes I am aware and other times I am not. On the days I have awaken feeling good about life I must say a good night rest had alot to do with it. Now as the day grows old things will affect my mood, but at least I did one very important thing and that was scale back my bedtime.

The next I try to do is break for a meal. Now I know that if I don't eat I will get an attitude about the littlest of things. Sometimes we think that by skipping meals we are making head way, but eventually it catches up to us. Its like the guy who is driving real fast along a street, passes you by, and then when he gets in front of you he has to wait for a stoplight. You catch up to him, he takes off again, and then he has to wait for another stoplight. What's with the big rush and endangering people's lives in the process? Meanwhile, he gets to his destination and chances are he didn't miss anything worthwhile. We do the same thing, we put in the time to get it all done while hurting those we love in the process, is it really worth it?

I am learning daily that the best way to combat the angry, frustrating feelings that creep up on me during the day due to surprises, shocking information, blood sugar and hormones, and the way others treat me is to shorten my reaction to it. In other words, don't think, talk or be around it for too long. Take the needed walk, pill or meal I need to bring the hormones back in balance.

Sometimes we are very good about making sure the children and the man are fed and get to bed at a decent hour, but what about us? Then we get angry with everyone else for how they treat us when we are not caring for ourselves like we should. The doctor says exercise, take this pill, eat this food, and what do we do? Get caught up in our daily responsibilities and forget about what we need to do to feel good about ourselves.

Have you ever noticed how many parenting guides encourage parents to use time outs on children misbehaving? Well, as parents, sometimes we need to go to time out for our misbehaving. Did we go off on our partner today? Time out! Did we curse at the children? Time out! Did we tell the sales clerk off? Time out! Did we lie to the boss because we didn't feel like doing something? Time out! When we get bombarded with lots of negativity that cause problems for others or things that people do to us, take a time out.

Uh oh...while I am typing, I forgot to take my vitamins, better do that...don't need a time out on my back!

Stay blessed.

Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com