Queen Naija - Mama's Hand

No One Said Being a Mother Was Easy at Any Stage

If there was one thing I learned from experience and talking to other mothers, it isn't easy being a parent--it requires work mentally, physically and spiritually!  No matter what stage these boys were in from newborn to young adult, we had our share of parenting challenges.

A lot of what I personally went through emotionally in the past had much to do with trying to be all things to them even when I could have done the following such as: delegated responsibilities, limited or withheld spending my money--let someone else pay for something, avoided certain topics that I didn't feel I was ready to discuss, took more time-outs for self--without children, sought counseling rather than hold things in at times, build a personal network of strong mothers, and more.

The "should have, could have, would have..." internal speech did nothing more than brought on regrets and harsh criticism from myself or others who felt like they could say something not-so positive or encouraging.  Know-it-all moms, well they don't make the best listeners, now do they?  What I know now is what I am proactively doing: delegating, networking, saving, etc.  I refuse to be the mom feeling like it is me against "they," because I just want to see everyone happy.  I still have work to do concerning myself and parenting my children--by the love of God, I will do it!

These days I am so over trying to be the "best Mom" by being all things to them.  The boys are old enough to cook, clean, organize, schedule activities, make money, and a couple sons are responsible enough to shop for themselves utilizing their own budgets and saving money.

One child, still at home, shared just the other day with his father via text, "Mom didn't cook."  Excuse me!?  I yelled, "You know how to cook!  Why didn't you tell him, "You didn't cook!"  Looks like that one will have a hungry belly if he doesn't crack open a recipe book or search the 'Net.  He was quite confident that day he was going to get a hot fast food meal once again from dad, but he didn't cave in to the pressure.  Dad brought something home that needed to be cooked.  However, our son should have been in the kitchen cooking.  Dad cooked (sigh).  The child is almost 13 years old and cooked plenty of hamburgers and other foods in the past!  Why stop now?  Most of the things he selected when we went to the grocery store, he could just pop in the microwave!  Go figure!?

At this parenting stage, raising teens, I am dealing with the spirit of laziness and procrastination with two out of the four. The other two sons are older.  I am working on keeping the second eldest motivated to get a second job so that he can achieve his goal, getting his own place.  He needs two incomes.  The eldest he has his own place, but he rarely calls.  He says he is busy working, he has two jobs.  He knows cost of living isn't cheap when you are on your own.  I continue to encourage him when I do reach out--there is no turning back.  Son, enjoy the much sought after freedom like I did when I swung the door wide exiting my parent's home long ago :)

Remember staying up late nights because your child was sick, active, hungry, or crying due to a painful tooth coming in?  Well, these days the concern comes and goes when they are out at night whether riding or walking.  I spend time praying like I did when they were babies.  I refuse to lose sleep like I once did. God you got this!

Once they started walking, they were getting into whatever they could get into!  We bought fencing to keep them out of hazardous things and other items that we simply got tired of saying, "No, let's go over here...play with this toy."  Now we have to persuade two of the four boys to come out of their bedrooms and take a break from the screens.  There are battles sometimes.  The comforts in their bedroom will soon go away when it is time to start looking for a job.  They wanted so bad to explore their little worlds when they were younger, well soon they can when they are older!

Yes, motherhood hasn't been easy at any stage, but I manage.  I know that there is more to parenting young adults in the future; however, I will admit, I am so over having my own cute babies.  So I hear grandparenting is easy only when you can send them back home and they aren't often in your care--great!?

Nicholl McGuire  owner of this blog and author of When Mother's Cry and Tell Me Mother You're Sorry.

Are You a Parent, Grandparent Ready to Snap on Your Meanspirited Teen or...

The Latest Battles: Screen Time, Sibling Rivalry and Requests for Own Rooms

After spending years of whining, diapers, and picky eating, nowadays we are dealing with puberty with two of the four sons and young adulthood with the other two guys.  They have their up and down days.  During the school year, it seemed like we had more fights between siblings than any other issues.  With sons it can be physical first, then talk later.  Watching sporting events like wrestling and football for hours don't make testosterone filled days any better!

Recent battles have included:  a protest regarding the reduction in screen time on all devices, spats with siblings usually about someone calling a name out of anger, and a need for more space.  One son accomplished his goal in February and moved out.  I didn't make things comfortable for him leading up to his departure, because I recognized the adult in him was bravely coming out to exercise his authority.  When the older children felt like they could handle what life throws at them, I took them on a trial run.  The eldest passed after I gave him numerous responsibilities.  

As for the others, the second eldest is on his way to independent living.  He is excited about the possibility of having his own place, but not without a second job.  The third and fourth son have awhile to go so I am managing the situations as they arise.  One issue that will soon be resolved is giving them their own rooms.  Too much is given, much is required.  Screen time is still limited during the week and bed time is enforced through the week.  I consider this a win for Mom and Dad!

There is no crying over children during this season of my life, but there are times of yelling like a drill sergeant.  It won't be long now before they are leaders/husbands/fathers.  I hope their time with us serves them well.

Getting them out and about cuts down on the screen time.

I wish sporting events weren't so long...almost bed time.