When Loving a Man Costs Too Much

A woman gives up her single, happy life to date a man she thinks she knows.  She ignores her gut feeling.  She pretends as if he doesn't have any exs.  She acts as if she has the best you know what than any of the women preceeding him.  The two eventually get married, because she thinks, "It's what's best."  Later, they have a baby or two, or three, or four, or five plus.  Then she supposedly finds out he is bad news and so she plays hell trying to stick the relationship out.  While she is working hard to be the best wife/friend, he could care less.  She forsakes family and friends for the man.  She goes into massive debt for the man.  She works a job or two for the household.  And with all that, he finds fault with her, badmouths her to others, and then smiles in her face when he needs her to do yet another thing. 

How many times have we seen this scenario play out in a television movie, hear someone talk about "a friend" or worse have this sort of thing happen to any one of us?  Whether she is a woman of faith or not, desperate singles looking for a lover, sugar daddy, or a father figure for their children, will play out a fantasy of sorts, while hoping for the best.  She envisions a life where she doesn't have to work as hard, someone will love her, and she can create a photobook of Kodak moments!  Therefore, she opens heart, arms, and legs wide for someone/something (a dark spirit) that she doesn't know has more issues than she.  Whether he is a compulsive liar, spender, gambler, porn addict, alcohol abuser, drug user, unavailable, emotionally and/or physically abusive, a desperate woman will look to be fulfilled.  "We can pray about all that later...we can deal with the issues--everyone has issues...lets just get married, have a baby, move, buy a house, get a car."  Reason away challenge after challenge.  Justify, defend and fight anyone who objects/warns/advises.  Mom says, "Honey, maybe you might want to slow down, I mean take your time.  You really don't know this guy that well."  The gullible woman retorts, "I know what I'm doing...Well, I did this because...I feel that what is going on is just..."  The silly woman, blinded by her own fantasy, is not listening, so stop talking!

Sisters:  white, yellow, red, black, and everyone in between--enough is enough!  Some of us have been played by men, used, abused, and tricked.  Then what does the Judas in our circle do?  She overlooks the warnings we tell her, turns on her sisters like a rattle snake, and goes back to the man (causing her so much pain) running her mouth about everything she thinks she knows.  The poor woman boasts, "Well, I share everything with my man, don't you?"  Everything!? 

In time, what her sorry excuse for a husband/boyfriend was doing is now not doing, and the relationship begins to take on a different course then what her mind had imagined, now the tearful lady wants back in the sisters' circle.  She returns offering her service.  She calls friends for a bit of comfort.  She finds family and friends once again a bit refreshing.  But then the mentally disturbed women turns into Judas again, telling what she has learned to her husband/boyfriend.  How long will she keep running to and fro giving what little strength she has left to stand to the one who exhausts her of her energy in the first place?  How long will she blame everyone else for the pain that her mate is causing?  How long will she lie/cover up the fact that her lover was nothing more than a fraud?

Love has its limit, an expiration date, contrary to what some songs like to make us believe.  There comes a point in any relationship where one has to evaluate, "Am I really loving my husband/children's father or am I just tolerating him?"  It is hard for any woman to rebound from cheating, lying conniving, manipulators who are controlling and more!  Any hurtful thing that a mate repeatedly does, even after you have screamed, "Ouch, that hurts!" is abusing you. 

The phrase, "I love you" can become a burden when the cost becomes too high for anyone to pay.  Consider such a phrase coming from someone abusing you, can you honestly believe that?  From the wife to the children, when all one can think about is, "How much is it going to cost to break free--I just want out of this miserable life?"  You are already paying too much!  When a woman can't sit amongst a group of other women without worrying about who/what/when/where/why concerning her man, she is already paying too much!  When she goes about her day resenting all she is doing for others, rather than appreciating them, the cost of love has become too much for her little mind to pay!  It is unfortunate, but many women have gone to their graves in the name of so-called love, when in all actuality, they went down in hate!  They hated spouses, resented children, and wished for nothing, but love and happiness and never really experienced either for long.

There are far too many women who have permitted selfish needs to override love.  They just had to have everything that their sisters have and now they are physically and mentally sick--they just couldn't wait.  "I have to get married now!  I have to have a baby now!  I have to get the job now!  I have to move now!  I have to have a pet now!"  You get the point, because you most likely have been there and done that already.

These women believe in spouses that don't believe in them (unless they are always ready and able to assist,) but when they are sick and unable to perform, their selfish men don't love them in sickness.  Rather, they look to get their needs taken care of elsewhere.  These unfulfilled women, and dare I say it weak-minded, seek all sorts of distractions and addictions to keep their minds off of their unsatisfying relationships.  They will even go so far as to allow their mates, who they have shared their sisters' weaknesses with, to infiltrate their minds and hearts with foolish talk.  "Oh, those ladies at work are just jealous of you...you know you can't trust women...those women in your support group are stupid, you are better than them!"  So the sick woman, who still has a lot of healing yet to do, regresses.  She doesn't get any better even after cutting out this person and that one, ending this activity and another one!  "Maybe, my husband is right."  Back into his arms she goes, then not too long afterward, she is out of them, wishing she had never let her guard down with him once again!

You can't talk real truth with weak-minded women who are sold out on weak-minded men.  If you have a faith, you can pray for them, but that's about all you can do.  There is a certain degree of mind control that takes place with some women who have spent far too many years imagining what life would be like with that supposed ideal guy.  A mind-control that the woman created prior to meeting her fellow.  She planned their meeting.  She agreed to pay for whatever he wanted.  She decided where they would go and what he would do and what they would build together.  What sounds like, "We" really is about "Me."  And when her dreams don't turn out the way she wanted, her self-programming is broken.  She awakens to a world where she isn't as nice, sweet and polite as she thought and the one she is with isn't any different.  She is tested beyond measure and the children look on in disbelief.  She is a fool for love--she is yelling, breaking things, slamming doors, having temper tantrums, snooping through his things, threatening him, texting him day and night...and whatever else.

Is he really worth it?  Maybe for some of you he is and if so, any logical person will question, "Why?"  Yet, for others, pick up what is left of your mind, and get out while you still can, if not for you, for the children.


Nicholl McGuire   

Dr. Phil Uncensored: Mother-in-Law Mayhem - Get Ready for the Holidays!

Cute Baby Belly-Laughing Videos

You Can Start All Over Again!

 

When they said there is no One,

that you couldn't have any fun

that you had to stay,

you said, "I'll pray."

 

When you knew you messed up,

when wrath came in a cup,

you looked up!

 

When the judges all knew,

and friends were few,

when they lied,

turned their backs on you,

God said, "Do what you have to do."

 

 

Wipe your tears, my sister.  It won't be long now.  We all had to serve our time.  We all had to fight the good fight.  And we all knew when to sit down and stand up.  Our lives may not be dressed in white, but there is always champagne, beige, off-white, tan--whatever your color, dress it up in style!  Look on the bright side, you could have died miserable, sleeping in your grave.  But you didn't ! 

 

Wake up, Sleeping Beauty!  There is a sun shining somewhere; so when it comes, catch its rays before it's too late!

 

 

Nicholl McGuire

 

Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273

When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/904839
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/3113926

 

 

Author of When Mothers Cry is sharing a spiritual message to encourage readers of the Christian faith

Were you given a promise from your heavenly Father?  Are you awaiting an answer?  While you wait, consider this bible story about two women who had their share of challenges.  But in the end, God blessed them.  Stay faithful, stop doubting God!  Remember your Lord doesn't operate in your time, but He is always right on time!

Listen to audio here. Hagar and Sarah, Genesis 21

Don't have a study bible? Get one...Study with Nicholl http://bit.ly/J0wyop

Nicholl is the author of the following books:

Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/904839
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/3113926

Good People Ignore Abuse and Torture: Why?

The Christian and Halloween: Does the two even belong in the same sentence?

When Mom Tries to Look on the Bright Side of Things

1.  Who spilled lemonade on the floor? What's that smell?  Oh no, that's not lemonade, it's pee!

2.  When did the boys get that little dinosaur?  Oh my God, it moved!  That's a lizard!  There's a lizard in the house!

3.  What are those black, hard looking things by the washer?  What the....it's poop!  Who left poop in their underwear?  Didn't I teach you all how to wipe yourselves clean?

4.  Who cut out a piece of your hair--it looks like a circle in your head?  Oh no, he has ringworm!

5.  Where did that dirt come from?  You got to be kidding me, you got it from an ant hill?!

6.  That's a nice song that you are humming, what's it called?  You don't sing about butt cheeks!

7.  Why are you crying, does something hurt?  Are you really going to cry about hair growing on your privates!


Just another day with sons. (sigh)


Nicholl McGuire

Frugal Living Tips

It's not often that I come across website pages that I truly enjoy reading and are motivated to do something after reading them.  Recently, I came across one that is definitely useful to those of us who desire to cut one's household expenses.  It is called, 101 Frugal Living Tips You Need to Know, Hub Pages.  On this site, I find very good hub pages that actually make my life easier.  I don't get anything for recommending this hub--just thought my readers would appreciate it. I am also a Hubber as well, feel free to connect with me on Hub Pages - nmcguire7.

101 Frugal Living Tips You Need to Know

 



What is Borderline Personality Disorder? (Mental Health Guru)

Does Your Son Have Mommy Issues? Here's What a Young Man Had to Say About Older Women, Younger Men...

Lies Some Fathers Tell Single Women When it Comes to Custody Battles

When single women and mothers surf the Internet seeking an available bachelor, they will see more and more men posing with children. Many of these men have custody of their sons and daughters.  Now it would be unfair to the mothers of those children to assume the worse.  But too often, naive women will go along with whatever a father tells them, then learn the truth later, of course after helping him demonize the children's mother while participating in plans of spite.  A father who has been awarded custody of the children because they live with him isn't necessarily the better parent and the ruling doesn’t mean that the mother was bad, a mental case, or abandoned their children contrary to what he might have told his love interests.

Nowadays many fathers are suing mothers for custody of the children, because they don’t want to pay child support and can’t stomach the idea that another man could be a “father figure” to their sons and daughters.  For some men, there are other factors as to why they would sue a mother including influences from his own mother or grandmother who have created a bond with the couple's offspring.  So rather than focus on the children’s mother being a caring parent and active in their children's lives as best she can, he will demonize her and make it appear as if she left her children and didn’t care about them to the women who are moved by a good story.  Of course, there are women who unfortunately do much evil and have left their children behind, but any spiritually discerning mother knows that most women love their children and would prefer to raise them with or without the father's influence.  Yet, a man who knows how to manipulate women while using various brainwashing techniques to pull them on his side will do and say just about anything to keep you believing that you two have a common foe.

When a woman divorces a man, she has to make a good income to meet the needs of her family with or without him, especially if the father has repeatedly said, he doesn't want to pay any child support. Sometimes she has to relocate to pursue a job offer, sell items from the home, and do other things to ensure that the family’s lifestyle is comfortable. But if a mother does anything that appears the least bit selfish, such as leave the children for a time with the father, or another relative until she can get her life established, she is viewed as the parent who abandoned her children. However, if a father was to do the same, he is in transition or seeking better opportunities to help his family until he can get on his feet. Single mothers desperate for companionship will not think twice about the negative portrayal of a bachelor's children’s mother until something occurs where she is very much involved in her children’s lives.

So why would a man do and say spiteful things against the mother of his children? Oftentimes it is because of the following:

1. He never forgave her for leaving him even though he had much to do with her departure.

2. He is jealous that she moved on successfully without him.

3. His ex’s lifestyle is better than his ie.) material wealth, fame, power, etc.

4. Her new man is a better fit for the ex.

5. He can’t find a sufficient mate that can satisfy him physically and/or mentally.

6. He is often angry that he has to raise the children without the ex which keeps him from partaking in his selfish pleasures.

Some lies the disgruntled father will say to his dates and other women about the mother of his children who simply want her children in her life, yet he still has unresolved past issues with her:

“Their mother isn’t loving and doesn’t care about them.”

He will say this because he wants a “mother figure” or “step-mother” to help him care for the children. So in order to get the new woman in his life to do her best, he has to put down the mother of his children and praise his love interest. However, the woman will begin to weary herself of doing everything for him and the children. In time, she will realize that he was just merely using her to help him spite the ex and/or compete with the ex through material goods he wouldn’t ordinarily be interested in.

“We don’t get along and I rarely speak to her.”

To ensure that the single woman doesn’t consider the mother of his children a threat, he has to make it appear like he doesn’t converse with the mother of his children much. Most often this is true depending on how long the two have been broken up, but his conversation (whether good or bad) about her reveals she is often on his mind. Yet, in between his relationships and during down moments with other exs, he was and most likely will be contacting the mother of his children for one thing or another. Don’t be surprised when the two appear to be amicable while he made you think they couldn’t stand one another.

“She just left us…”

There is more to that story than a mother just moving to another neighborhood, city, state, or country. A discerning woman will learn in time that there were a myriad of things that occurred that would move a mother to leave her husband and children. However, sometimes a mother desires to have her children back in her care after getting better from a pregnancy, an illness, relocation, new job, or something else, but the father refuses. In cases like this, the court doesn’t consider a mother abandoning children when it has been proven that she always wanted them. But a deceitful ex-husband or boyfriend who is trying to build a good reputation with a gullible woman will make it appear so. Some women leave children and never return, others remain in the children’s lives in whatever way they can get them.

“She treated me like…she said I was…she did this…and she hated me because...”

The “She say” and “She did” conversation about his ex or exes should be a red flag to you. What is with all the blame and mean-spirited story-telling? Sounds like someone has a hard time focusing on the present and staying positive about the future. What might he be teaching his children about their mother? Not only that, his negative demeanor should tell you that he isn’t a good friend. Speaking of friends, does he really have any? How might he treat you in the future?

Before you jump on the bandwagon of a liar, who is also unforgiving and mean-spirited when it comes to the mother or mothers of his children, think about this, you might be next. Protect yourself from the lies. Do your research and speak positively about the mother of his children whenever you can, then watch his face. Consider what is in the best interest of the children especially when the children cry out, “I want to live with my mother!”  One day some of you reading this might be called into court to share your observations of what he has said and did to cause friction between mother and children hopefully you will be the women who speak truth; rather than perpetuate lies that keep a mother crying.

Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry, see her Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7

Stereotypes: The Motherhood Penalty

Women, Science and Motherhood: Choices Then and Now

Poem - Don't Talk About My Child

Child innocent, not!
He shot.
Lies a lot.
Parents bought a gravesite plot.

Dresses seductively,
the little freak of the week.
She says, "It's not me."
Parents believe her, can't see!

Mom said, "It was okay
to go over her house to play..."
--doesn't matter the day,
just don't say anything, okay?

Crazy celebrities,
holding up three,
another mom can't see
too blind to their fallacies.
She too holds up three.

Claims to be a good parent,
raises children well,
but doesn't notice
that her path leads them
straight to hell.

She says, "Don't talk,
that's my child!"
Evidence goes away, it's all been filed.
"Do you know what I've been through
and all I have to do?
In the midnight hour I cry--
feels like sometimes I'm going to die."

Mom loses it, sheds a tear,
someone comes along
to take away her fear.

Another child misled,
another parent goes to bed,
ignores all the signs
and what has been said.

Nicholl McGuire

Abused? You will survive. Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

The baby is crying yet again, another bill has gone unpaid, and you are ready to lose your mind from all the stress about yet another woman calling his phone...some of you reading this get the picture, others not so much, but good for you a man isn't your problem, money is good, and baby is calm!
However, there are many moms who don't have the luxury of having a peaceful, drama free household.  Someone somewhere is going to stay up a little later than usual tonight, because she is being abused yet again by a mate who says he loves her.  With tears in her eyes, she is going to call out to God to give her the strength to leave, while her mind says, "What about this...and what about that...?  Stay." 

I think back to those times when I had far too many headaches, backaches, and stomach aches, because of one thing or another with man, baby, health, and finances.  Yet, through it all, I made it out of those past storms while still having the strength to walk through current ones! 

Days, weeks, months, and years have gone by of crying and complaining.  Yet, now I made it to that point in motherhood where you finally realize that nothing is so serious, so bad, so anything that you can't rebound from as long as you have breath in your body!  Childhood issues, I survived.  Physical abuse, I survived.  Emotional abuse I survived.  Four childbirths, I survived.  Bad church experiences, I survived.  Many relocations and job losses, I survived.  Divorce, I survived.  Children with their share of problems, still surviving!  Shall I go on?

I observe many women and men with sons and daughters looking stressed when their children are around.  Sometimes the expressions on their faces seem to worsen when a partner says one too many things to some of these men and I wonder what is home life like for these people.  "I don't want to hear it..." the eyes say.  "Are you listening to me?" the one doing all the talking says.  He ignores the mother of his children as if she is a stranger. 

For some men, they can't handle children crying, a mate nagging, and other responsibilities that come with parenting so they freak out!  One too many requests, a negative tone of voice from a wife or girlfriend topped with misbehaving children and an angry man with a short fuse is ready to swing, push, shove, or kick the one who is doing what?  All the talking, crying or both.

There is no excuse for anyone being hit or slapped in the mouth for talking or crying--none!  It doesn't matter how loud or wild the words come out a mouth or where the mouth is directed, one should not have to endure anyone physically harming him or her.  Yet, some women will allow emotional and/or physical abuse to happen to them, because they feel guilty about what they said or did when they interacted with their mate or children.  Therefore, the abuser makes his victim feel worse while accusing her of pushing him to the point of no return.  "Look, what you made me do!  If you would just shut up none of this would have happened!  I told you what I will do if you keep talking, didn't I?" 

The abused woman will then attempt to make wrongs right only to meet yet another fist to the face or some other place on her body, because her abuser didn't want to hear her speak yet again about something he should have, could have done.

Abuse will make people cry--those being abused as well as those witnessing the abuse.  Children will cry more when they live in a intense environment which will only make matters worse the longer they stay there. 

Those who sincerely care will want to vindicate the victim, call the police, remove the children from the home, and do other things to stop the abuse.  The woman experiencing such pain will not talk as much to others like she once did.  She will isolate herself.  Sometimes she will hide her bruises behind makeup and sunglasses.  She will lie, cover for her abuser, and pretend as if her relationship is normal.  There is nothing normal about a name-calling, crazy man who has nothing better to do but to intimidate his partner and children, because he is having one of his fits yet again.

Some women think that because a partner hasn't hit or shoved them in a long time they are out the clear, but not necessarily.  Maybe the abuse has simply shifted from mom to children, from wife to mistress, or from girlfriend to relative.  What do the others really think of one's partner?  Who is catching hell when you aren't?

For those experiencing such pain staying with an abuser, know that every day that you stay in a bad relationship brings you closer to your grave or someone else's.  Most abusers don't change without professional counseling, medication, workplace changes, relocation, and more.  If you are with someone who is unwilling to do what's right to bring peace to your household, move on!

Nicholl McGuire creator of this blog and author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

Victims of abuse become survivors because one day a light bulb goes off in their heads that says, "I'm not going to take his abuse any longer, I am better than this."  The day a victim realizes that she can move on, get a better life without walking on egg shells around someone is the day that she is indeed a free woman!  Mothers, for the sake of your children, avoid sticking it out with someone who mistreats you.  One day your children will thank you for it!

Nicholl McGuire