After the Vacation: On Playing Mom Again

So now that I'm back home after eight-weeks away from the children, it is an adjustment.  It seems that the children have learned to adjust to mom being away; therefore dad is the "go to guy."  When you are away from your children for any period of time, there are those moments when you are reminded that in spite of a hiatus, sabatical, vacation, or whatever you might call it, you are still mom.  Therefore, when you return to your children, you have to jump right back in.  The honeymoon is over!  The children will test you.  They will "play" you, dad, grandparents, babysitter or whoever in order to get their way.  A typical scenario goes like this dad said, "no" to something, so they go to someone who will say, "yes."  All parties have to be in agreement on the basics before you re-enter their lives.

I found that adjusting back to home life, this time around, took about seven days give or take.  I had to first get use to their schedule again for eating, sleeping, etc.  Then I had to converse with the partner about some of the household changes and strategies on disciplining them.  Next, I had to get use to some of their new toys (some of which contained many pieces.)  I also had to unpack my own things and get comfortable in my old environment again which underwent some changes.  To top it all off, there was no longer free time to just sit on the phone for hours or leave the house whenever I pleased (sigh.)

I think that some of us mothers just don't know how important free time is to us when it is given to us on a silver platter.  We still think about the children, check up more than we should, talk about them as if we have no other life, etc.  I was guilty of doing these things during the first part of my vacation, but then I eventually got use to being away from them.  However, I couldn't resist, at times, those moments to send photos and video as well as call them before bedtime.  Sometimes my attempts to connect with them caused more problems then helped. They became difficult for dad and wanted to know, "When is mommy coming home?"

So if you do decide to take a vacation from the children anytime soon, do keep in mind that you will need to periodically keep in touch in order to remain relevant in their lives and you will also need to reconnect with your children when you get back.  Take some time before you see them again to problem solve on past issues and be ready for new challenges.

Nicholl McGuire