How To Handle Children During A Separation

Children will need to know that both parents love them.  But if parents are acting in foolish ways, the children will feel like they are all alone and unloved.  So do your best to have a reasonable separation always keeping in mind the children's best interests.

Things to remember:

1. Don’t argue in front of them.

2. Leave your new mates out of the transition process. For instance, they don’t need to be the one who drops them off, walk up to your ex’s doorstep, or even be seen riding with the new girlfriend or boyfriend in the car every time you pick up or drop the children off. On occasion you may be riding with him or her, but don’t make it a habit. Sometimes children just want that time with dad or mom to themselves.

3. Answer questions when the children ask. Discuss possible questions they may ask beforehand with the ex so that both of you will be repeating the same story. They may want to know why mommy and daddy are not together a thousand times, answer them a thousand times.

4. Tell the truth about your feelings toward your ex, once the child becomes an adult and initiates the conversation. Don’t volunteer information.

5. Make the children’s environment pleasant when they come to visit. Clean and comfortable. New bed sheets, cabinets and drawers they can place their toys in, favorite pictures hanging on the walls, a new toy and plans to go somewhere that is fun. Be sure to have favorite foods and treats in the refrigerator and in cabinets, but not in excess. They still need to eat healthy! Don’t watch adult movies, leave adult magazines lying around, look at adult images on the computer and listen to music around them that you know is inappropriate.

6. If you and the new girl or boyfriend, do not live together, when the children are around, make the time for your children. If the children will be staying for the whole summer, then fit in time to spend with the girl or boyfriend, but try not to make it daily. Children will get jealous. Don’t include the mate in all the family activities, go some places without her or him.

7. When children are suddenly misbehaving more, talk with them. Find out how they feel about mom and dad separating, two separate houses, babysitters, new mates and whatever else you may think are causing the changes in behavior.

8. Don’t talk negatively about your ex to the children or in front of them. Conversations about the ex should occur when the children aren’t around. Be sure they are not hiding somewhere in the house eavesdropping on your conversations.

9. Avoid drugs and drinking alcohol around your children. They will tell someone about your partying no matter how much you tell them to not speak about it.

10. Don’t get your children involved in adult matters. If you lost your job, got caught in a scandal, went to jail, broke up with your girl or boyfriend, etc. Be vague when talking to them, it isn’t necessary to give them all the details. Children sometimes will take mom and dad’s pain personally and will react in ways that we don’t quite understand. Remember they are children, not adults allow them to enjoy their childhood. Preserve their innocence.

Although these tips seem simple enough, putting them into practice can be challenging particularly when dealing with an argumentative, hot-tempered or selfish former partner.  Remain in control and envision a future when your children will respect you for doing the best you could to maintain peace during this tough time.

Nicholl McGuire

Facing Personal Fears - worry, stress, anxiety

The Parenting Mistake That Makes Teens Push You Away | Oprah's Life Clas...

Does Stressed Mom Need a Gift or Some Love?

You are a mother.  You are a mother who is stressed.  You are a mother who is not only stressed, but don't feel so good about the upcoming holiday.  Whether your own mother is alive or not, you realize that another celebration of mom and/or you is not what you need right now.  Then say so.  Maybe you have decided you are not cooking, visiting, party planning, or expecting anything from anyone. 

You just want love, Mom, I get it.  A hug will do, an "I love you" is sweet, and some time alone is also good.  A cheap husband, boyfriend or relative will applaud your simple request, but if one feels it in his or her heart to do something nice so be it--embrace it.  Yet, these days love is what you and others most likely appreciate more.

We  have lived in a world of much confusion, anger, bitterness, jealousy and more and with each passing day it seems to be getting worse.  A stressed mother feels like she is the sun revolving around the world rather than the sun revolving around her.  She is trying very hard to make a partner, children, co-workers, relatives, and others happy and bring light to the darkness that maybe in their lives.  Yet, Mom is not only tired, but angry because the more she does for others, the more they expect from her even when a holiday approaches. 

When Mother decides to retreat, take a break, and distance herself from people, she is viewed as not a nice person and is "God with her."  Her anticipated break she takes for herself may be days, weeks, or even years depending on how worn out she is emotionally and/or physically.  Sometimes there is no break, she has simply made up in her mind she is so over people, places and things that she remains distant.

A Mother's Day gift is nice for you or someone that you know, but what is most important is love near or from afar.  Love conquers all.  You don't have to know the mom who needs love and she doesn't have to know you, simply wish her well, say a prayer and put her in God's hands.  Think of  those around you who are experiencing much pressure from parenting to work and then along comes another holiday that might not be so positive for them (many people no longer have their moms around due to distance or death).  And you thought you had it bad?

You attract love when you are willing to receive it, so welcome it and allow peaceful moments to revive you.  Avoid the temptation to fill every moment of the day with activity.  When you need an extra pair of hands, use them.  The benefit to this upcoming season is that there are those who will be willing to help you just because it is Mother's Day.  So appreciate them and make those requests.

Nicholl McGuire

Mother's Day Gift Idea - What should you look for in an essential oil diffuser?

Diffusers

Before we begin with the topic of what to look for in an essential oil diffuser, let’s quickly go over what an essential oil actually is. This is a natural substance that carries the fragrance of a herb or flower in a concentrated form following its distillation. Essential oils have been used to make perfume and other cosmetic products for millennia. Their fragrances are still considered wholesome supplements that are an inseparable part of a clean and natural way of life.

Not all perfume is made with essential oils. A lot of cosmetic companies rely on preservatives and artificial chemicals, as they are cheaper. Of course, this is not the best option. As the benefits of inhaling powerful essential oils are widely recognized, even undeniable, a lot of people purchase diffusers.

A diffuser helps disperse an essential oil into interior space. The welcoming, pleasant fragrance is slowly released, resulting in a sense of calm and relaxation that would not be so easy to achieve otherwise, i.e. by relying on fully natural scents.

Unobtrusive and elegant

Aesthetic appeal is a top consideration when it comes to selecting the right diffuser. This is understandable, as essential oils appeal not only to our sense of smell but also to our eyes. If you are reading this, you are someone who knows the importance of the appeal to the senses, so you will agree that the design of the diffuser should be a key consideration.

One model of the Young Living Aria essential oil diffuser, for example, is shaped like a rosebud and looks great on a mantelpiece or natural wood table. It's off-white and purple exterior is aesthetically pleasing, efficient and functional.  Alternatively, you could opt for the Deneve Riverock, which is black and white, also unobtrusive, and specifically safe to use with citrus oils (not all essential oil diffusers are).

Tank size, runtime, light features

The Riverock has a runtime of up to 5 hours and a tank size of 70 ml. This is a relatively short runtime and a small tank size, which some may see as a disadvantage. It can cover an area of 250 sq. ft. It is elegant and modern, making it perfect if you are planning to place it in a visible location in your home or office. It’s even great for the bedroom because the LED light band around it isn’t too bright, and if the LED is turned off, it emits no light at all. The black model features a nice light effect due to the color-changing light band reflected by the dark hemispheres. It shuts off automatically when the tank is empty, making it safe to use when you are busy or asleep.

Another option is the PureSpa Deluxe. It's light band changes color, a pleasant and vibrant effect. It has the edge over the Riverock when it comes to runtime and tank size - up to 10 hours and 120 ml. It covers approximately the same area as the Riverock. It also shuts off automatically, but should not be used with citrus oils.