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When Mom is Gone and No One Seems to Care

Looking on the outside in, I sat and watched two women cry their eyes out about their deceased mother who passed in 2013.  The sisters could barely speak as they thanked a man who had helped their mother during her dying days.  It seemed unreal watching the three wipe tears away.  I felt cold, distant, and couldn't allow myself to become too attached to what I was viewing.  Afterward, I thought of my own mother who our family almost lost twice. 


The first time due to an aneurysm and the next an unexpected heart attack.  I sighed and the fleeting thought came, "One day your mom will go too."  However, it doesn't have to be that way.  I recalled a conversation I had with my grandmother who saw her daughter in a dream lying in a casket.  Far too often sons and daughters leave this world before parents.  Some can't handle the pain of a loss ad stay away from others as if they are fearful that death is catchy.  Others come around but are selfish seeking only what they can get now or in the future.  Then there are those who genuinely care and don't ask for anything, rather they make deposits in our lives.


This is a tough time of year for many who have lost their mothers and other kin.  They are sorrowful, angry, bitter, jealous, peaceful, sad, depressed, you name it, but what they aren't is dead.  The grieving are still breathing, human beings that have souls whether they feel like they have them or not.  So while some will be holiday shopping, planning meals once again, and making travel arrangements, let us remember those who are still with us saddened as a result of death.  They might need a hug, a phone call, or someone to simply say, "I love you."  But you will never know unless you try.  It helps.


Nicholl McGuire also contributes and maintains Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate - the blog here.
You can also check her audios/videos out at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

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Feeling Tired, Miserable? Make this Your First and Last Event You Host

Those mothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers, who can make 10 pies, several sheet cakes, a huge holiday spread with four plus sides and a few too many meats to choose from, are typically skilled at their crafts when it comes to cooking.  These ladies can also wear smiles while doing it, act polite, and tend to their guests' needs.  Their homes are clean and everyone feels welcome.  However, not every woman can pull this off.

Some mothers will try, God bless them.  Yet, something usually lacks whether it is the taste of food, the uncleanliness of the household, unruly children, or something else, holiday preparation is just too much for some people.  They will want their visitors to be kind, understanding, polite, etc. about their short-comings.  But when you are dealing with family and close friends, they will offer constructive criticism and will advise against hosting if you miserably fail--be it right or wrong, truth is truth. 

Hosts that are not use to being hospitable, preparing large meals, decorating homes, and disciplining children will have a hard time receiving feedback.  The best thing any person, who has took on such a feat can do, is either learn from the experience and plan better next time or make the holiday event your first and last.  Sometimes partners will advise against wives/girlfriends doing such things from the start, not just because event planning is costly, but also because they know their women aren't good at it and so the men too become tired and miserable listening to all the negativity that comes with holiday prepping.  Unfortunately, some marriages are severely tested because women want to play the role of Superwoman, but only end up being worn-out and cranky women.

Depending on the type of personalities your visitors have will determine just how supportive they really are.  Those guests, who mean well, will offer to pitch in and help even though some stubborn hosts will refuse their service--they should take it.  Others will sit back and watch the movie, so to speak.  If it ends well, so be it, but if not, they will come away from the event with much to talk about including the negative attitude of the host, her unsupportive mate, and her disrespectful or wild children.

When one feels tired and miserable due to holiday planning and all that comes with it, know that others see this.  It would be best to learn early on to delegate responsibility if you should plan to do this annually or for each holiday.  Otherwise, you will burnout before the holiday season really gets underway and no one wants to see a crying mother during a time that is supposed to be heart-warming.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual wisdom at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

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