For the Love of the Children: Why Mothers Stay with Controlling Partners

It isn't easy being in a relationship much less one built on lies, exaggerations and promises.  Controlling men who believe that in order to keep women in their places, they must do the kind of things that don't uplift them, but keep them under their thumbs.

The "kept" woman, former survivor, beaten wife, or emotionally abused girlfriend will deal with the accusations, name-calling, threats, and more coming from a mate with a personality disorder (or is demon possessed) just so long as she has a place in the home with her children.

She will talk herself into staying in the home with a controlling individual, because she doesn't want to be replaced by someone who doesn't love her children as much as she does.  She will put up with her partner's foolishness if it means that she can be the one who will tuck her children in bed at night.  She will stand up to her controlling partner, if not for herself, but for the love she has for her children.

Mothers are pushing, shoving, kicking, screaming, scheming, planning, and doing other things just so that they will not be separated from children.  Many know all-too-well what single parenthood looks like.  Others experienced what it was like growing up without a father, mother or both in the home.  The love for children is great and goes beyond human comprehension.  "Why would a mother allow a man to....what would make a woman bother to...I just can't understand," some say.  It isn't for you to understand.

There is a timeline that occurs in every child's life as he or she grows up and during this process each milestone that is reached is significantly influenced by a parent or guardian.  Whether the child is young or older, a mother's presence helps with the process of growing up.  No child wants to feel unloved, abandoned, worthless, or useless; therefore a caring mother will help a son or daughter sort through fears and insecurities while attempting to create a bond.  This doesn't take away from the father's role, but for the purpose of this article, it is the mother's love that is being discussed.

Mothers desire to stay with the father's of their children despite difficult circumstances is due to the following:  some have a burden to do so, others fear leaving or moving on, and then there are those who do it because it's just the right thing to do in the meantime.  Yet, as with everything else experienced in this life, a mother's time with a controlling partner has an expiration date.  This is why so many take off and leave with children at a moment's notice.  A mother knows when it is time to be like a tiger and protect her cubs.  Numerous chances are offered to mean-spirited and angry fathers everywhere to get things right.  But far too often, they don't.  Far too many prideful men who don't believe that there isn't anything wrong with them will place blame on mothers who just want to raise children and have a good lifestyle.

So when one questions/judges/bad-mouths a mother for dealing with issues in a relationship she couldn't fathom having to put up with, just know that mom is doing the best she can for the love of her children.  Most likely, these same mothers who judge are going through their own set of relationship challenges that others would have to ask, "Why do you bother to stay with your controlling husband/boyfriend?"

Nicholl McGuire shares inspirational and thought-provoking messages here: YouTube Channel: nmenterprise7

Parent Teacher Conference - A Litmus Test on Whether You are Doing a Good Job Parenting Your Child

What parent wants to sit in a room and listen to a teacher talk about his or her child especially if the son or daughter is the talker, the bully, the wild one, or the shy one?  Yet, we go to the parent teacher conference anyway only to find something in the conversation with the teacher we don't like.

We attempt to filter personality issues from the man or woman seated in front of us just doing his or her job.  Yet, we are well-aware of personal bias, discrimination, ignorance, teacher burn-out and a know-it-all mentality that some have.   But sometimes, the gut feeling kicks in and you suspect that there is more going on than the teacher cares to mention.  So you try to get to the bottom of things and before long, you wish you hadn't.  Now you find yourself talking about, "When I was a child and how I use to..." but the teacher looks at the clock, attention span gone, and on to the next parent.

Speaking of attention span, can I just say that the classroom atmosphere is busy.  With so much stuff to look at, no wonder kids are bouncing, looking around, and excited.  And what about these new programs, teaching strategies and the like, sounds like more stuff to stifle the creativity of our children and get them ready to be future employees of companies owned by the wealthy.  I don't envision that the big name companies will be out of business by the time our kids are grown--competition is none if all a child has is college debt and a delusional vision to be something that he or she was never properly prepared to be, but I digress.

The parent teacher conference, why bother?  I tell you, because someone needs to know that you are one of those parents that cares about your child come hell or high water!  Even though you hate the criticism and those little chairs you sit in even more, your presence speaks volumes.  You don't have to say too much about your kid at the conference just nod or shake your head since the teacher is use to having an audience sit back and observe--evaluate her/him.  Think about what your child might feel each day looking at this person and why he or she might rebel when it comes to receiving instruction from his or her teacher. 

Watch the teacher's mannerisms, examine the hand-picked worksheets he or she puts in front of you and look at the score sheet she has prepared--does any of it make sense?  Question it even if you don't have a clue what you are questioning. 

The issues will come up, "Jack talks too much...Annie plays with her hair...Bill interrupts and doesn't raise his hand...Penny likes to tease..." it sounds personal, doesn't it?  But you know your child and you can always ask the teacher, "Well what do you do when these issues arise?  I handle them at home, can't do much when they are in school." 

To all the parents, as tempting as it can be not to care what the teacher says or what your child does or to spread your hate for school, and your anger toward the teacher with 20 plus students, take a breath.  Do what you can in your setting and hope for the best!

Nicholl McGuire

The Major Mistakes Single Moms Make | Oprah's Lifeclass | Oprah Winfrey ...

How to Determine Whether Keeping the Children After a Separation or Divorce is the Best Thing to Do

How to Determine Whether Keeping the Children After a Separation or Divorce is the Best Thing to Do

Mom, Why Did I Have Children? Those Feelings of Regret

This isn't the time for a speech on loving one's children.  This isn't a time for anyone to brag on how grateful they are when it comes to being a parent.  A woman somewhere in this world is having an emotional breakdown due to the anxiety she feels about being a parent.  She is weary of children who misbehave, who are favored by partners, and spoiled rotten by grandparents.  She is angry that no one seems to listen after giving birth to yet another child.  She is frustrated when no one wants to take her children for awhile so she can just think--get her mind back.

"Mom, why did I have children?" the downtrodden mother asks anyone who listens including her self.  "You really didn't mean to say it in the way that you did, but hey it's out now," says a concerned voice. 

Your real feelings about parenting are out in the open--now deal with them.  No judges are in the room.  No prideful moms and self-righteous partners.  Let's be honest, you worry too much about yourself, your children and everything else in between.  You might have lied for sons and daughters in need of your help.  You might have promised your children the sun, moon and stars, so to speak.  It is your hope that your children will be good citizens, great partners, educated, successful, winners...yes, we all want the same.  But mom is tired!  She has been fighting the good fight lately--making sacrifices and her patience has been worn thin.  She has been understanding, warm, kind, and caring to all she has encountered in the past, but her kindness has been taken for weakness.  With so much going on (or maybe not enough,) mom is bitter about quite a few things and those who supposedly know her, don't seem to get it.  This is when things can become dangerous for moms who are headed on that path of no return where something or someone has disturbed them mentally--you don't want to wallow too deeply in your frustration with your children.  Look for something that makes you happy when it comes to parenting.  Find something that makes you feel whole again that has nothing to do with children.  Think of ways to snap back to your content self.  When was the last time you were away from children?  What might you need to do differently in your daily schedule?  What do you need to cut out?  Who might you start enlisting to help you?

Busy people with problems aren't interested in mom's issues.  Men who are busy making money don't want to think too deeply about what mom is saying/confessing/screaming.  Crying children don't hear mom.  You know the rest.  You most likely are the mom who has been keeping much inside while you smile at other moms and wonder, "Does she ever wish she didn't get pregnant?  I wonder if she ever tires of her children?  Is there something wrong with me that I just wish I would have been anything but a mom?"

Feelings of regret happen to not only the poor, sad moms of this world, but the best, brightest, most successful moms too that take a pause every now and then to ask their Heavenly Creator, "Why?"  But the real question is, "Why not?"  Why not be taught how to love beyond self?  Why not learn patience and virtue through the most unlikeliest sources?  Why not experience the hand of God through a child?  Why not share what you know with one who is an extension of you--a second chance at creating a newer and improved you?

Why not?

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.