New Parents: On Getting Children to Talk

Once your children are able to walk, talk and be away from you, you might want to converse with them about things that will make them aware of people, places and things that could quite possibly cause them harm.  Don't leave it up to the school to teach your children about things like good touch and bad touch, good manners and bad ones, and stranger danger.  Create your own lesson plans and start talking!

Discuss good touch, bad touch.

Tell children about protecting their private parts and not allowing adults and children to touch them unless they are hurt.  If so, show them how doctors touch and teachers so that they recognize what is good and bad touch.  Verbalize what would be considered bad touch and tell them why they shouldn't let people hurt them.

Talk about good girls and guys, bad guys and girls.

These conversation works well with the previous one, because it tells children that not everyone who smiles, laughs or brings them something nice is a friend.  Show them examples of children who were hurt because they followed a man to a car.  Role-play with someone or with their toy figures so that children further understand what you mean.

Encourage children to share stories about their days.

You can use their daily experiences to teach them other things like: how to be polite, how to share, how to act when others are acting badly, and more.  Sometimes you can use a book, a toy or someone to trigger thoughts in your child's mind about things they did or said while you were away.  Ask questions about how something made them feel and what they did to handle a situation.  Always smile and watch your tone of voice so that children will want to talk to you.  Don't tell them what you will do to someone because they did something to your child.  You don't want your child to be scared and start keeping secrets because they don't want to anger you--so act calmly.

Draw pictures or do other projects with your child.

Children will talk more especially boys when they are busy with something else like building something, eating, drawing, or putting something away, so do invite your child to talk by using the activities they are doing to start dialoging.

Use gifts, money, candy, fun places to visit, and other things to keep children talking.

When you give children nice things because they are doing such a "good job, playing nicely, being polite"  they will be more likely to continue conversing with you.

Be watchful for other opportunities to talk and teach your children.  Make yourself approachable.  Sometimes simply sitting down and watching a child play or do something else will move him or her to come over and talk to you. 

Many children grow up to be some of the best communicators because they had people around them who enjoyed talking and listening to them.


Nicholl McGuire also maintains a parenting blog here.

Teach Your Children to Listen to God

May this video be a blessing to you when teaching your children about being obedient to the Lord!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88vMUtwbgdI

Selfish Parents: Those Who Don't Love Children Enough

Selfish Parents: Those Who Don't Love Children Enough

Setting Boundaries with Children Doesn't Make You a Bad Parent

Ever get into a conversation with someone on how you teach your children or advise a fellow parent on why he or she shouldn't spoil a child? Almost immediately the person you are sharing your story with laughs off the child's behavior, takes the “favored” parent's side and says something like, “Let kids be kids...oh that's not so bad...its alright that dad gives them what they want.”

Some parents experience a variety of feelings when listening to one who most likely indulges his or her own children and has had a few too many wars with a partner as a result. It isn't wise to assume that one is being overly protective, strict, or even crazy when it comes to training a child just because a parent says, “I don't give my child...I don't let my child...I am not the kind of parent who would...” Simply allowing one to share a story, without judgment, is all that is really needed. Put yourself in the parent's shoes, would you want someone labeling you because you do or don't do certain things with your children?

Establishing boundaries is very necessary when parenting children. Consider the many places you and your children visit where there are guidelines, principles, laws, and more that must be adhered to. So if a parent doesn't want to give a child a sugary food item before a meal, frequent fast food establishments or let a child stay up pass bedtime often, he or she has good reason. Not every child is the same and must be managed differently based on one's personality, health, location, etc. But people who don't know all the facts, don't bother to ask questions, and avoid looking beyond their own personal experiences, jump to conclusions.

Children should be taught early on at home about things like: sharing, respecting others' time, not being greedy, acting responsibly and other things that will help them have a quality life in this world while still managing to get along with others. With proper teaching, children can easily adapt to a world comprised of many authority figures, workers, and others who aid, manage and build our society. However, self-indulgent, spoiled children, who are use to parents sitting at their feet and waiting on them, will not adjust well at work, home and elsewhere. While others are getting their own tools, building their own lives, and teaching others, the spoiled child (turned helpless young adult) will be at a lost searching for anyone to help him or her—good, bad or otherwise. In time, he or she will discover that not everyone is nice and couldn't care less and so back home this person goes for a pat on the head from mom or dad saying, “It's okay. They don't understand you. You are a good person. Don't worry, we will help you.” When mom and dad should really be saying, “I apologize for not teaching you well. Since you are back at home with us, here is what you need to learn or re-learn.”

 

 

Governing one's home in a way that keeps foolishness out while teaching children right from wrong is not a bad thing, so ignore voices that ignorantly say, “Oh, let kids be kids.” Telling a child “No” shouldn't be a problem and if it is then a parent needs to ask his or herself, “Why is this an issue for me?” Then make some changes. But for some parents who grew up with lack, they don't want to address the errors of their ways. They also don't fully realize that going from a lifestyle of not having to too much giving isn't going to make their children necessarily better people in the long-run. There are many once spoiled children who grow up to be selfish and the following happens to them as a result: divorced multiple times, in and out of jail, homeless off and on, abusive, addicted to substances, unemployed often, and more because they just don't understand that people aren't going to bend over backwards for them and that the majority of society dislikes greedy, selfish people.

Your Child's Eyes Will One Day Awaken to Your Truth

Most mothers recognize many of the obvious signs that a child is developing in his or her mind, body and spirit. But what some don't see is that awakening that takes place over time. The kind of enlightenment that happens with a child when he or she wants to know more about parents beyond what they say to them and do. In the following examples, you will notice how a child reaches a point in his or her life when parents aren't what they appear to be. A tween discovers daddy is not the man that he or she was told he was by family members. This tween starts connecting the dots and sees that lies have been told for years about daddy's profession—no wonder he was often absent, he had been serving time. A child gets a strange feeling about mom, the kind that makes her just stare at her parent for a long time without saying anything. In time, she notices that mom is troubled—something is wrong with her. Then there is a teen who sees beyond smiles, laughs, gifts, and compliments from parents, he begins to see that his parents are really not that nice. They are mean toward each other and others. At times, they pop pills, drink and do other things to make them feel good.

Now when a parent sees that a child is on to them, so to speak, he or she works frantically trying to cover up the truth. “Honey, that's not what you think...oh I really do love you...No, I would never say that about you, you weren't a mistake. That man is your dad, I know he doesn't look like you...” says the parent. Meanwhile, the child doesn't believe mom or dad's attempts at brainwashing his or her mind. The lies, cover ups, and niceties don't suffocate sad, angry, or bitter feelings—something isn't right. So the son or daughter just says, “Okay.” But deep down inside knows differently. Sooner or later what is in darkness will come to light. A parent who sincerely loves the child more than keeping a secret will speak truth. He or she won't allow lies to eat up a child inside. A parent who cares about her son or daughter doesn't want personal as well as external demons to attack his or her child into adult years, so the truth must be made manifest. But those who believe that they are protecting a child while serving his or her selfish interests will not speak one word of truth. “I don't want my baby to worry...I prefer not to tell...she isn't ready,” the parent reasons. However, the child's eyes have awaken and the questions are being asked, don't keep creating a public relations campaign, mom and dad—speak truth.

Many parents don't want their children asking too many questions about them and they definitely don't want them asking others about them either especially if they aren't comfortable with how they lived in the past. So mom or dad starts advising the child not to ask about this or that. For some parents, they will even go so far as to threaten a child for wanting to know more about them. “Why do you need to know that? Stop asking so many questions, or else.” the parent cautions.
 

Fantasy goes away and reality begins for many perceptive children. For instance, a son learns that his often happy mother is really a sad, depressed one on pills that make her jovial. A daughter finds out her father really wasn't happy about her arrival and for years grieved about not having a son. She learns the hard way: why dad was hard on her growing up, why she acted like a Tomboy, and later became a lesbian. When children discover that what people say don't align with what they do, they want to know why? They need to know what is it about that person that makes them feel scared, angry, nervous, sad, or confused when he or she comes around. Children can pick up on feelings from parents of not being wanted. They may not recall certain details when it comes to bad things that happened to them, but they know that something wasn't right no matter how much mom reasons that something was okay or didn't happen.
 

Many parents work hard to keep secrets secret. But sooner or later, a child will sense that something is not right, and for many, they will search and search until dots start to connect. What's sad is that for some parents even if lies are killing a child mentally and physically, they will not reveal truth! They will blame the child when they see their issues show up in the child. For some parents, they will act as if they don't see the elephant in the room. How can one expect a mere child to carry the burdens of adults? If a curse is in a family, don't act as if it's the child's fault. Those who tell falsehoods, act double-minded, slander, and do other things to hurt others reap what they sow and unfortunately sometimes the sins of the parents fall on their children.
 

A child turned adult seeks his or her identity, purpose in life, and looks for reasons as to why they feel the way they do about mom and dad. Patting a boy or girl on the head and saying, “Don't worry.” Is not good enough after children reach a certain age.
 

From sex to drug addictions, a young confused man or woman finds his or her temporary peace in these things, an attempt to run away from those nagging feelings from childhood. Unanswered questions, verbal and physical abuse, lies told about what a child sees, hears, and more will drive a poor boy or girl insane. Don't wonder why some children go off, act weird, or don't seem to have their heads on straight, it isn't always about a mental condition with all children, sometimes it is a heart condition. A deep longing to sincerely know parents and a desire to be loved honestly and innocently.
 

A self-absorbed, quiet parent, a controlling, abusive parent, or one who has a mental issue, can be a child's worse enemy. Think about how these type of people affected you when you were raised by them, dated or married them, it wasn't a good feeling now was it?
 

So don't think for one minute children are not paying close attention to you mom or dad, because they are! They want to know what makes you tick. Why do you say and do the things that you do? How do you really feel about them? There comes a point that we all want truth, no more story-telling, game-playing, cover ups, and “you better not say...” statements. “What is really going on and why do I feel this way about you, mom and dad?” says the awakened child.

Nicholl McGuire