7 Things You Must Know About your Mother -in-Law Before You Shop on Mother’s Day

One. Know your mother’s personality type. Avid readers like something related to their reading, stay-at-home mothers like sleepwear, outgoing mothers like showy things, and mothers who love money don’t want empty cards!

You don’t want the fake smile or half grin on Mother’s Day because you didn’t plan appropriately. Interview your mother as soon as you can to find out what her needs maybe. It may not be a gift that she wants but help with a project. Talk with family and friends about the hints she may be throwing their way as well. Check the history pages of her Internet use to see what has been captivating her eye lately. Look for notes around the home that she has made to herself to obtain more ideas on what she may want for Mother’s Day.

If your mother likes to go out to a restaurant on Mother’s Day, then you may want to consider how crowded it may be on that day. If your goal is to have a pleasant experience with your Mother on that day but you don’t want to fight crowds, offer to take her out on another day.

Two. Know how much you want to spend and what you intend to buy before you arrive at the store for big purchases. Don’t waste the sales clerk’s time, if you use one, knowing that your budget is only a certain amount yet you let her or him direct you to an aisle you know you can’t afford anything there! Why put yourself in a position that will make you feel disappointed later? Rather, conduct research before you visit the store on what you are looking for and do remember to print out the item and the price that it is being sold for on the Internet. This simple act will save you money and time in the store.

Three. Know what place she loves to shop and avoid it! Very often if it is her favorite store she has bought many things in the store already, so you run the risk of buying an item she already may have. This is where gift cards come in handy, because this way she can enjoy a nice shopping spree in her favorite store! However, don’t select gift cards to places you know she wouldn’t ordinarily visit.

Four. Know that your mother may react more over someone else’s gift. Sometimes this happens; you spend all day trying to find the perfect gift for your mother on a limited budget then along comes your sibling, a friend or neighbor blowing your mother’s socks off! It may be hard to contain your jealousy, but consider the following: you have more money in your pocket when it is all said and done then he or she, Mother’s Day happens only once a year, and what is the likelihood that it just may sit on the shelf collecting dust by next year?

Five. Know what she already has. You can save yourself a headache by simply walking through her house and looking at all the items she has received over the years. Think about what she is using and what she isn’t. When you are trying to determine what to buy always remember to remove yourself out the equation. What you might think is right for her maybe so wrong! Save yourself the embarrassment on Mother’s Day, be a detective!

Six. Know what your siblings are going to buy her. This may be helpful if they are willing to give you some insight. However, some siblings are secretive with what they are buying mother because they don’t want to be outdone.

Seven. Know when you plan on visiting her. Let’s face it not everyone has the greatest relationship with their mother as well as the rest of the family, so try to pick a time during the day that has the least amount of traffic coming to the home. You may want to drop off your gift to her the day before, the day after or send it in the mail; however, whatever you choose to do, try to use your gift as a peacemaker. In other words, don’t give her a gift just because; instead, be sincere and write a note that speaks from your heart without being grammatically correct or mechanical like some of the writings in greeting cards. Write the way you talk, a mother who truly appreciates and loves her children will embrace your effort wholeheartedly! However, if she doesn’t seem to care what you have done for her reduce your gift-giving down to a simple phone call each year. You are still honoring her without subjecting yourself to abuse.

An excerpt from the book-When Mothers Cry-Before She Became a Mother - YouTube

I thought back to this audio I recorded awhile back.  I guess what made me think of it was due to so many young people I have found out recently becoming pregnant at 16 plus.  No one knows just how much some people despise being a mother until you see the tears or feel the pain from those who are severely impacted in your own family.  You watch or hear of  a young person struggling with "a mistake" or "accident" that will be with them for the rest of their lives.

Then you look at your own life and you have to say, "Wow, I came a long way.  I may not have been a teen mom, but I know I wasn't ready for my surprise."

An excerpt from the book-When Mothers Cry-Before She Became a Mother - YouTube

Vacation with Children: How Wonderful?

Let's just be honest, if you are traveling anywhere with young children, you will be faced with a set of challenges.  They may cry for something, become ill, fight, get lost, or move or talk so much that you think they got a hold of the most sugary thing they could find!

Recently, I had the joy of being with my children during a short road trip.  Thank God, it was short!  But what worked my nerves, during this trip, was those periods in the hotel room when they didn't want to be still enough to close their eyes and go to sleep like normal people.  Oh no, the excitement of all that is new and different kept the children active hours past an adult's patience!

As much as I love my children, I also know how much they can be a challenge at times to manage.  I am not one of those parents who denies that their children and others get on their nerves.  Some parents mismanage their frustrations and blame everyone and everything, but their children.  I feel that is so wrong and if this kind of attitude is kept up, it can destroy decent relationships, friendships, and even cause problems on the job.  No one wants to hear about how it is this person's fault and that issue which caused XYZ when everyone can clearly see that you are stressed out about your children.  Save the public relations campaign for those bratty, selfish little people with their starry-eyes and cute little ways.

I created another blog not that long ago about my recent experiences traveling with my children, do check it out here. 

The children and I visiting the National Martin Luther King Historic Site, Atlanta GA.

Stop by my YouTube page for a future video of what we saw on our trip.

When The Problem Isn't the Parent...

Those times will happen when you just can't seem to understand why your child consistently gets in trouble over some issue, has frequent accidents, and seems to have a problem with certain members in his or her class.  Now I'm not that naive parent who believes my children are angels all of the time.  I do realize that they will have their bad days.  But sometimes, it isn't their fault.  As a parent, you have to go through a process of elimination in order to get down to the root cause of frequent abnormal behaviors.

When your child is suddenly getting into trouble, consider what is going on at home, but also think about what might be happening in school.  Interview your children on what is going on at school.  Question the daily routine they follow and ask about new rules and programs.  Find out where they are seated in the classroom.  Learn names of friends and listen intently when they complain about certain students.  Make time to talk with your child's teacher, school nurse (if necessary) and/or principal.

I had an issue not that long ago where a little girl was upset with my son because he proved her wrong about an issue.  She believed that boys couldn't sing, so he sang a song and made her look silly.  Rather than just take it like a girl--lol, she hit him.  Well needless to say, she got her sassy self in trouble.  I later found out that my son was seated at a table with all girls and apparently she didn't want him to be there.  Unfortunately, this new seating arrangement made him a target because he was the odd ball at the table.  The teacher simply adjusted the seating and put him at a table that is more balanced between girls and boys, problem solved.

Another issue occurred when he repeatedly came home with wet trousers, when I inquired about this.  I found out that the bathroom was usually left in bad condition.  Therefore, he didn't feel comfortable going inside, he rather wet himself.  With a little spruce up, the bathroom was inviting; therefore my son has been utilizing the bathroom ever since.

Sometimes we can take on too many issues as parents and say, "Well if I would do this more...maybe if I would try this..."  We have to realize that it isn't always about us and it isn't always about the teacher either.  At times, problems with our children can stem from a new way of doing things in the school, a new teacher, classmate, or atmosphere.  Look at everything that might be causing problems with your child before putting unnecessary burdens on yourself!

Nicholl McGuire

Motherhood Peaks and Valleys: What are yours?

There are the perceptions that others have of the kind of mother you are, who you should be, or the mother you once were.  Others' ideas influence the way we view ourselves.  Whether we receive positive or negative reviews from so-called well-meaning family and friends, we try to do the things that not only help our reputation as mothers, but also appease others.  When we find ourselves more concerned about what other people think; rather than what our Creator thinks, we get ourselves into trouble!  Physical issues surface, mental anguish is experienced and those around us are negatively impacted ie.) anger outbursts and forgetfulness.  These moments are considered our valleys--down moments.  The places in our motherhood journey where we feel at an all-time low. 

Our culture tends to esteem mothers, make them feel as if the weight of the world is upon their shoulders, because we are supposed to be so strong, wise, and loving.  Mother is to talk, walk and act in a certain way when it comes to parenting.  In some circles, she isn't provided with real support despite an individual or group claiming to support her.  Sometimes she is in a valley moment all by herself!  Her own mother doesn't have a good listening ear, because she is most likely in a valley moment by herself--sometimes comparing her own experiences to her daughters.  Too overwhelmed, nervous, or fearful to offer any sound advice, these older mothers don't have much to share when it comes to stories of victory. In addition, there is the partner or best friend who is often busy doing other things to even notice that mom is struggling these days with being a parent.

Valley moments happen, but in order to overcome them you must constantly remind yourself, "This too shall pass," as mentioned in the Holy Bible.  Redirect your focus and come up higher.  Find the path that will lead you out of your valley moment.  Stay in the valley too long and the storms of life might overtake you!  A mother is no good to her family in a hospital bed!  Once we arrive at those mountain peaks (up moments) in our motherhood journey, it is time to break for rest.  Some of us, don't allow ourselves to do that and so back down the valley we go.  Angry, hurt, confused, bitter, jealous, or some other emotion we experience, because other mothers "appear" like they are doing much better than us.  We deceive ourselves into thinking that we have had enough quiet time or peace after a valley moment.  Some of us prematurely arrive to a peak, then end up falling back down into the valley.

Appreciate those "up" moments when no one is calling to go out, no one is in need of you, and no one is interrupting you while going here and there with unnecessary chatter.  The world has tricked us into believing that a busy mother is a blessed one; rather a busy mother is a stressed one!  She is usually juggling too many things!  She may have a bank account filled with money and friends on speed dial, but is this really what reaching the top of one's motherhood journey really supposed to look like?  That is the world's definition of success which doesn't help us after this life is over. 

God blesses us with peaks in our motherhood journey that release us of our burdens not add to them.  Sometimes we confuse what we initiate when it comes to career, family, events and more with God's plan.  He doesn't tell us to be all we can be to everyone--to busy ourselves every part of the day.  God doesn't put anymore on us than we can bear!  To truly experience those peaks in one's motherhood journey, she must sit back, relax and tune into God.  Ask what might you need to do to experience more mountain peaks and less valley moments.

Reflect on those valleys God brought you out of, you know those times when you thought you were going to run away from the children, but didn't.  Those moments when you thought you were a bad parent, but you knew you really weren't.  You came up higher, didn't you?  Some of you have dropped some of those people and activities in your lives that were leaving you frazzled, frequently upset, and burdened financially, now you are enjoying many more positive moments in motherhood. 

Appreciate your peaks and valleys, moms!  Learn from them, then help a mother who may be struggling to walk with her head held high.

Nicholl McGuire