10 Ways to Cope When Your Children Are Far Away

Whether your child or children are 3000 miles away in the United States or in another country, you miss them. People around you may not understand your sudden mood swings, your urges to get on the next flight out of town to see them, or your long stories about them to anyone who will listen. So how do you cope when you can’t be with your sons, daughters, or both?

One. Plan time in your schedule to make phone calls.

Surprisingly there are many parents who have children out of state and will rarely call. It’s almost too easy to be consumed by work and other activities and forget about simple acts to show your children you care. Don’t allow this to happen to you! Even if it has been a long time since you made contact, remind yourself to call them just like you remind yourself to pick something up from the grocery store.
Two. Write letters.

Don’t want to be bothered with the ex who wants to tell your child what to say when you talk to him or her? Would you prefer not to get into yet another argument with the mother or father? Write a nice letter that’s simple to read and briefly tells them about what you are doing and how much you love and miss them. For young children include stickers they make the letter child friendly.

Three. Draw or color pictures.

One of the best ways to relate to children is by doing activities they can relate to. How do you think it would make them feel if you drew a picture of something or colored one of their favorite cartoon characters and put their name on it? Sometimes we have to become child like to make them feel we care and that we aren’t so bad after all.
Four. Take photos of yourself.

Make faces, lay down and take a wacky photo of your eye or nose, or stand in front of something beautiful, ugly or scary. Young or old, children will love the fact you are sharing one of your adventures with them. Consider creating a photo book. You can go to any drug store and talk with the photo tech about your idea or search the Internet for creative ways to make your own. Also, consider t-shirts, mugs, and other cool things for them to use with your photo on it.

Five. Record video of yourself.

A simple computer webcam, digital camera, or a Flip Video camera will help you make this idea happen. Tell them about your day, read a book, or record audio or video of your side of the family conversing while commenting on what they are viewing. It will make them feel like they are a part of your world and help them keep you in memory.

Six. Send old photos from when you were about their age.

Now these photos would be different from the recent photos mentioned earlier, you want your children to begin to collect keepsakes from your childhood. They will be impressed at how young you looked and may even have some great questions to ask you during your next phone conversation. Two cool ideas are: creating a puzzle photo or printing photos on cards about the size of baseball collector cards complete with a description of the relative.
Seven. Send care packages.

Who doesn’t like packages in the mail? Whether your son or daughter is old or young, they will be happy to know you thought enough to send a package that may feed their stomach, stimulate their eyes, help them with a problem, or fit all three needs.

Eight. Decorate your workspace or another common area you spend time in with some fun photos of them.

Now while doing for your children will help you cope, here’s something you can do for yourself! Surround yourself with photos of your children. You don’t want too many or they may overwhelm you emotionally—just display a few photos that aren’t off in a dark corner, but not so noticeable that you bump into them. Be selective of the photos you display keep in mind some headshots can actually make you feel bad especially if your children aren’t smiling, or crying in the photos.

Nine. Choose a favorite song, movie or game you and your children use to enjoy playing when you are feeling down.

Maybe you loved playing a certain gaming system together, laughed a lot when you watched one of their movies, or danced together when a great song came on the radio, whatever you did, have fun for a moment and allow yourself to cry. Better to express emotions behind closed doors then out in the public. However, avoid the temptation to keep recreating the event when you start feeling yourself feel really bad.

Ten. Spend time with someone else’s children playing with toys and attending children related events.

One of the fastest ways to get yourself out of a bad mood concerning missing your children is to be around other people’s children. They will remind you of the good, bad, and ugly about parenting. A crying baby, a disobedient child, a loud toy, a hungry toddler will keep you on your toes! Visit the toy aisle and buy them something. The smile on their faces will do your heart good!
These ways will not bring your children back to you at least not now, but they are seeds you are sowing into the future. One day you will return to them or they will come to you and they will remember your efforts to be a part of their lives.

Lastly, if you have a faith, consider prayer. Some people have lost their children due to death, but they still manage to keep a faith because it helps them cope with knowing their children are in a better place than earth. You may want to lean on prayer to help you cope with the fact you are here on earth with your children and are having a difficult time getting to them. Pray for wisdom on how you can be together again with your children. A financial blessing, a frustrated former partner, unexpected time off from work, or a great opportunity can put you in the right place at the right time to see your children.

Don't Suffocate Your Intuition by Listening to Others

There is always someone who is going to tell you how you should feel, what to think and what to say when it comes to things like a relationship and raising children. Some information is quite helpful while other tips are time wasters.

I think of moments in my own life when relatives and friends told me not to worry over something that my gut said, "You better be concerned about this. What will you do if you find out the truth? Let's start planning."

When there is a voice or feeling that keeps nagging at you to do something about a situation, as a wife and mother you better! Forget all that self-talk about, "Being insecure..." Throw away comments like, "Maybe you need to get away..." Sometimes there is no running from a circumstance. You either stand strong and do what you must or sit quiet and wait until you have a plan orchestrated. Whatever you do, don't run, hide, or lie to yourself or others about what is bothering you. Too many people drive themselves crazy suppressing their God-given intuition.

Nicholl McGuire

How to Behave Around Your Ex’s New Girlfriend in Front of the Children

So he got a new girlfriend since the breakup and now you are wondering what now? "How should I act?" Hopefully the following tips will help you "be adult" about such matters.

1. Wave to both when you see them arrive to pick up your children.

2. Think about what you are going to say before you say it. If you don’t have nothing good to say, don’t say anything.

3. Don’t walk over to the car unless you are ready to make eye contact and small talk.

4. If you won’t be walking over to the car, then stay where you are such as standing in front of the family home, on a balcony, or looking outside a window.

5. Find something funny about the way your ex looks, the car he is driving, or his choice in a partner. A sense of humor is always helpful in any kind of situation.

6. Avoid the temptation to drag out your goodbye with the children or say or do anything to draw attention to yourself or anger your ex such as hugging or kissing him. This type of behavior only adds to an already tensed situation.

7. Wave goodbye to everyone and make your exit.

8. If you will be meeting your ex at his vehicle, then be polite and brief. A simple “Hello” and a “How are you?” is sufficient. You may want to add a question addressed to the both of them about the trip, a comment about the weather, some fun place you took the children, or something important regarding an item you packed.

9. Avoid discussing any significant issues with the ex in front of her. Instead, reserve your conversation for the phone or Internet.

10. Offer to help with packing the luggage in the trunk.

11. Say a final good bye and a final wave to all.

12. Wait awhile before you get on the phone and start talking about him to your relatives and friends just in case he may come back for something the children may have forgotten.

13. The tears may come, don’t fight them.

14. Find something to keep you busy.

15. If the children don’t call you when they make it dad's house, you call them, it eases the stress.

Nicholl McGuire

What to Do When You Just Feel Bad About Your Health

You may be tired of the way you look, feel, or both. When you look back on photographs of your past there is the feeling of either wishing you could go back, an appreciation of how far you have come, or thoughts of how you let yourself go over the years. Whatever the feeling, you are at a place in your life of unhappiness and you know you need to do something about it.

Some of us have a family history of disease, pain, mental, and physical challenges, while others may not be aware of any chronic illnesses in the family, but find that something strange is happening within our bodies the older we get. It doesn’t make anyone feel any better when another news report tells us that a beloved food or drink is cancer causing. So what do you do when you find that internally you don’t feel well and your doctor has been so kind to advise you to change your eating habits, exercise, and get proper rest while writing out a prescription for whatever ails you? Meanwhile, those around you are gradually dying and that has been an additional stress that has also contributed to your physical pain. The following will help you sort out your internal challenges and better prepare you for your next doctor’s visit.

You will need a note pad and pen to achieve results with this advice. Let’s begin in steps. First, you will want to begin journaling your health concerns include the date you started. Then you will need to interview yourself just like the doctor may have done with you, if you have visited him or her already, the only difference is that you are going to delve deeper in questioning yourself and spend more time thinking of things you may have forgotten to tell your doctor or just didn’t want to share. I personally noted my own observations of bodily changes using a calendar, rather than a notepad. I found it easy to see any possible patterns. Taking the initiative to document your health concerns prior to a doctor visit, is extremely helpful to him or her, because they will have a better understanding of what might be causing you to feel the way you do. Many people don’t bother to think thoroughly about their health experiences prior to visiting their doctor and they leave it all up to him or her to figure out everything. No one knows your symptoms better than you do, so write down what you can remember and if you aren’t a writer use a recorder.

You will start your interview with self by asking questions such as, “What kind of symptoms have I been experiencing lately that has been hindering me at home, work or play?” You make a note of your feelings and bodily changes. You pen dates and times if you can remember and also if anyone said anything to you about any symptoms they may have witnessed you go through such as mood swings, irritability, vomiting, fever, etc.

Next you record what kind of life changes both good and bad you have been experiencing lately. A job loss, a new job, business opportunity, relocations, marriage, death, a birth of a child: are all circumstances whether expected or unexpected that can cause major stress.

Third, if you know your family’s medical history, make a note of any illnesses they may have had and list any similar health problems you went through in the past and include dates and any medications you were prescribed.

Fourth, write down what you are doing to cope. Are you exercising, reading, shopping, watching television, popping pills, drinking alcohol or taking illegal drugs to manage the pain? Include how often you are participating in these activities. Think of whether the music you are listening to, the books you are reading or the shows you are watching on television are positive. There are many people who will avoid listening, watching, or reading anything that is tragic, because they know how it makes them feel afterward which is usually depressed.

Fifth, you will want to think when was the last time you took a vacation, had sex, got time off from work, slept in, or simply did something fun for you! Write the date, how often, and describe anything that may have happened that affected your health.

Now that you have taken the time to think about your life events and behaviors, you will want to do the sixth step and that is create a plan to make some changes that have been causing unnecessary stress for you. Think of what you have been eating lately, when you have been eating these things, and how frequently. Consider doing some research on what constitutes healthy eating. Create a shopping list rich in fruits and vegetables. Also, educate yourself about fasting (this is abstaining from certain foods, juicing or going without food or drink for a set period of time.) Talk to your doctor about fasting if you are interested in doing it. If he or she says it’s okay, then you will want to journal your experience with fasting. Some people fast as little as 24 hours while others will fast up to 40 days. Those who have participated in fasting will tell you they learned a lot about their own personal struggles, fears, and body while partaking in the fast and soon after made some changes in their eating habits. For those who participate in fasts for spiritual reasons, they found that their faith in God became stronger. However, true spiritual fasts are God ordained, so you will want to pray if you feel like participating in one. They aren’t easy (in my life time I have participated in some lengthy ones ). You will want to tell someone who can hold you accountable about what you are doing. He or she should be someone who you admire, respect, and is eating healthy.

Lastly, include some time during the day to exercise. You can walk during your lunch hour, stretch in front of the television or do some other exercise that is comfortable for you. Seek out professional instruction on what kind of exercise is best for your body weight. Not every exercise is good for everyone.

In conclusion, when you have made up in your mind that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will be building up the motivation to do what you need to do to make you look and feel better. Don’t worry over the exact date and time, just do it. Outline your goals and when you achieve them, don’t do like some people and treat yourself to some food or activity that is harmful to your health; instead, do something that won’t make you feel guilty.

By Nicholl McGuire

Laugh More, Cry Less

After listening to my son today, laugh up a storm over the littlest of things like when you freeze a frame of a video and someone is doing something bizarre, I realized that with all the pressures surrounding me, I need to do more of that.

Sometimes we get so bogged down with serious matters that we forget to laugh. I can't tell you how many times I said the past few days, "Ooo maybe I shouldn't laugh about that..." suppressing my laughter, even when no one is around to judge me. Now that, my friend, is taking yourself too seriously.

I can't tell you how many jokes pop into my head about my partner, current events, the children, relatives, even strangers on the street. One day, I think I am going to laugh hysterically one day and with tears in my eyes say, "I'm so sorry but I have been holding this in for far too long..." So what, they will think I'm crazy.

So I leave you with this, if you want to laugh at something that maybe you shouldn't, hey your secret is safe with me, because I've made up in my mind that if I see another person in my household or on the street wearing pants so high above the ankles that their walking funny, I'm going to laugh.

Nicholl McGuire