Don't Suffocate Your Intuition by Listening to Others

There is always someone who is going to tell you how you should feel, what to think and what to say when it comes to things like a relationship and raising children. Some information is quite helpful while other tips are time wasters.

I think of moments in my own life when relatives and friends told me not to worry over something that my gut said, "You better be concerned about this. What will you do if you find out the truth? Let's start planning."

When there is a voice or feeling that keeps nagging at you to do something about a situation, as a wife and mother you better! Forget all that self-talk about, "Being insecure..." Throw away comments like, "Maybe you need to get away..." Sometimes there is no running from a circumstance. You either stand strong and do what you must or sit quiet and wait until you have a plan orchestrated. Whatever you do, don't run, hide, or lie to yourself or others about what is bothering you. Too many people drive themselves crazy suppressing their God-given intuition.

Nicholl McGuire

How to Behave Around Your Ex’s New Girlfriend in Front of the Children

So he got a new girlfriend since the breakup and now you are wondering what now? "How should I act?" Hopefully the following tips will help you "be adult" about such matters.

1. Wave to both when you see them arrive to pick up your children.

2. Think about what you are going to say before you say it. If you don’t have nothing good to say, don’t say anything.

3. Don’t walk over to the car unless you are ready to make eye contact and small talk.

4. If you won’t be walking over to the car, then stay where you are such as standing in front of the family home, on a balcony, or looking outside a window.

5. Find something funny about the way your ex looks, the car he is driving, or his choice in a partner. A sense of humor is always helpful in any kind of situation.

6. Avoid the temptation to drag out your goodbye with the children or say or do anything to draw attention to yourself or anger your ex such as hugging or kissing him. This type of behavior only adds to an already tensed situation.

7. Wave goodbye to everyone and make your exit.

8. If you will be meeting your ex at his vehicle, then be polite and brief. A simple “Hello” and a “How are you?” is sufficient. You may want to add a question addressed to the both of them about the trip, a comment about the weather, some fun place you took the children, or something important regarding an item you packed.

9. Avoid discussing any significant issues with the ex in front of her. Instead, reserve your conversation for the phone or Internet.

10. Offer to help with packing the luggage in the trunk.

11. Say a final good bye and a final wave to all.

12. Wait awhile before you get on the phone and start talking about him to your relatives and friends just in case he may come back for something the children may have forgotten.

13. The tears may come, don’t fight them.

14. Find something to keep you busy.

15. If the children don’t call you when they make it dad's house, you call them, it eases the stress.

Nicholl McGuire

What to Do When You Just Feel Bad About Your Health

You may be tired of the way you look, feel, or both. When you look back on photographs of your past there is the feeling of either wishing you could go back, an appreciation of how far you have come, or thoughts of how you let yourself go over the years. Whatever the feeling, you are at a place in your life of unhappiness and you know you need to do something about it.

Some of us have a family history of disease, pain, mental, and physical challenges, while others may not be aware of any chronic illnesses in the family, but find that something strange is happening within our bodies the older we get. It doesn’t make anyone feel any better when another news report tells us that a beloved food or drink is cancer causing. So what do you do when you find that internally you don’t feel well and your doctor has been so kind to advise you to change your eating habits, exercise, and get proper rest while writing out a prescription for whatever ails you? Meanwhile, those around you are gradually dying and that has been an additional stress that has also contributed to your physical pain. The following will help you sort out your internal challenges and better prepare you for your next doctor’s visit.

You will need a note pad and pen to achieve results with this advice. Let’s begin in steps. First, you will want to begin journaling your health concerns include the date you started. Then you will need to interview yourself just like the doctor may have done with you, if you have visited him or her already, the only difference is that you are going to delve deeper in questioning yourself and spend more time thinking of things you may have forgotten to tell your doctor or just didn’t want to share. I personally noted my own observations of bodily changes using a calendar, rather than a notepad. I found it easy to see any possible patterns. Taking the initiative to document your health concerns prior to a doctor visit, is extremely helpful to him or her, because they will have a better understanding of what might be causing you to feel the way you do. Many people don’t bother to think thoroughly about their health experiences prior to visiting their doctor and they leave it all up to him or her to figure out everything. No one knows your symptoms better than you do, so write down what you can remember and if you aren’t a writer use a recorder.

You will start your interview with self by asking questions such as, “What kind of symptoms have I been experiencing lately that has been hindering me at home, work or play?” You make a note of your feelings and bodily changes. You pen dates and times if you can remember and also if anyone said anything to you about any symptoms they may have witnessed you go through such as mood swings, irritability, vomiting, fever, etc.

Next you record what kind of life changes both good and bad you have been experiencing lately. A job loss, a new job, business opportunity, relocations, marriage, death, a birth of a child: are all circumstances whether expected or unexpected that can cause major stress.

Third, if you know your family’s medical history, make a note of any illnesses they may have had and list any similar health problems you went through in the past and include dates and any medications you were prescribed.

Fourth, write down what you are doing to cope. Are you exercising, reading, shopping, watching television, popping pills, drinking alcohol or taking illegal drugs to manage the pain? Include how often you are participating in these activities. Think of whether the music you are listening to, the books you are reading or the shows you are watching on television are positive. There are many people who will avoid listening, watching, or reading anything that is tragic, because they know how it makes them feel afterward which is usually depressed.

Fifth, you will want to think when was the last time you took a vacation, had sex, got time off from work, slept in, or simply did something fun for you! Write the date, how often, and describe anything that may have happened that affected your health.

Now that you have taken the time to think about your life events and behaviors, you will want to do the sixth step and that is create a plan to make some changes that have been causing unnecessary stress for you. Think of what you have been eating lately, when you have been eating these things, and how frequently. Consider doing some research on what constitutes healthy eating. Create a shopping list rich in fruits and vegetables. Also, educate yourself about fasting (this is abstaining from certain foods, juicing or going without food or drink for a set period of time.) Talk to your doctor about fasting if you are interested in doing it. If he or she says it’s okay, then you will want to journal your experience with fasting. Some people fast as little as 24 hours while others will fast up to 40 days. Those who have participated in fasting will tell you they learned a lot about their own personal struggles, fears, and body while partaking in the fast and soon after made some changes in their eating habits. For those who participate in fasts for spiritual reasons, they found that their faith in God became stronger. However, true spiritual fasts are God ordained, so you will want to pray if you feel like participating in one. They aren’t easy (in my life time I have participated in some lengthy ones ). You will want to tell someone who can hold you accountable about what you are doing. He or she should be someone who you admire, respect, and is eating healthy.

Lastly, include some time during the day to exercise. You can walk during your lunch hour, stretch in front of the television or do some other exercise that is comfortable for you. Seek out professional instruction on what kind of exercise is best for your body weight. Not every exercise is good for everyone.

In conclusion, when you have made up in your mind that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will be building up the motivation to do what you need to do to make you look and feel better. Don’t worry over the exact date and time, just do it. Outline your goals and when you achieve them, don’t do like some people and treat yourself to some food or activity that is harmful to your health; instead, do something that won’t make you feel guilty.

By Nicholl McGuire

Laugh More, Cry Less

After listening to my son today, laugh up a storm over the littlest of things like when you freeze a frame of a video and someone is doing something bizarre, I realized that with all the pressures surrounding me, I need to do more of that.

Sometimes we get so bogged down with serious matters that we forget to laugh. I can't tell you how many times I said the past few days, "Ooo maybe I shouldn't laugh about that..." suppressing my laughter, even when no one is around to judge me. Now that, my friend, is taking yourself too seriously.

I can't tell you how many jokes pop into my head about my partner, current events, the children, relatives, even strangers on the street. One day, I think I am going to laugh hysterically one day and with tears in my eyes say, "I'm so sorry but I have been holding this in for far too long..." So what, they will think I'm crazy.

So I leave you with this, if you want to laugh at something that maybe you shouldn't, hey your secret is safe with me, because I've made up in my mind that if I see another person in my household or on the street wearing pants so high above the ankles that their walking funny, I'm going to laugh.

Nicholl McGuire

After Mother's Day Blues

The media, churches, retail store clerks, relatives, and friends stimulated mothers mentally for weeks about Mother’s Day. Even children were pressured by teachers to create projects to honor their moms. Partners worried over what to do for Mother’s Day since paychecks went to bills. There were so many reminders and so little money and time to find something to make Mom happy. Some of you pulled it off while others couldn’t. There were mothers who received something on Mother’s Day even if it was a simple phone call, while others received a little of something or nothing at all.

Expectant moms, senior moms, divorced moms, single moms, moms in jail and all other moms were desiring something—anything that said, “Happy Mother’s Day.” But it just didn’t happen and now some are bitter. They bad mouthed the holiday, cussed a partner, yelled at the children, and vowed that no one would get anything for a year! Some mothers may have got something last year, but this year they got nothing because someone had vowed last year that, “Mom isn’t getting anything because she didn’t give me anything for my birthday! I am tired of buying for people and they don’t buy for me!” The Mother’s Day blues has set in and it doesn’t go away until certain people honor the mother who feels like she has done so much for everyone else, yet they can’t even bother to say, “Happy Mother’s Day!”

I have been on both sides of the fence--the mom that receives acknowledgment on Mother’s Day and the mom who doesn’t. Years ago, I had freed myself of the burdens of holidays only to get suck back in by media hype and family pressure. I went back to buying people things and sometimes I got things back and sometimes I didn’t. It hurts when you spend your last money on someone that should have been allocated toward a bill. That’s why I have to remind myself to pray first about gift giving no matter what time of year!

I started talking to my children about acknowledging me on Mother’s Day now that they are older with the hopes that they will do the same for their partners once they become adults. The last thing I want are disgruntled daughter-in-laws accusing me of not raising my sons up right over the simplest of things.

As I write, I realize that when someone else’s great idea ie.) Mother’s Day, begins to burden you, your finances and upset your household, you have to break free! I don’t believe the originator’s intention was to cause a problem for some with the Mother’s Day concept, but many have turned it into such because they are angry at: a partner, ungrateful children, a selfish parent or someone else who made the holiday ugly in their sight.

When I thought back to how free I was mentally, physically and spiritually from man-made holidays once upon a time (before starting my own family,) I was happier. I didn’t have to worry over what to buy mom or wonder what a partner would do for me. Everyone knew, “She doesn’t celebrate holidays.” However, once I got myself wrapped up into gift-giving, not with prayer and fasting, but just because everyone else was doing it, I didn’t feel so good about what I was doing. So what happens when you start to feel this way? You don’t want to keep doing it, but you do it anyway sometimes with feelings of resentment and worry. What happens when I can’t celebrate Mother’s Day next year or I have nothing exciting for Father’s Day? Will my own mom talk about me? Will the children’s father try to pay me back next year? What about those days that aren’t holidays that I do for others, will those times be remembered? These thoughts and more went through my mind.

I understand it is hard when one isn’t acknowledged on a day like Mother’s Day, like I said before I have been there, and I know you can’t help but think about all the things you have done for your family and others. However, realize that when you allow what someone does or doesn’t do to affect your mood, you are putting yourself in bondage. There will be other holidays and this person or group may not acknowledge you for those holidays either, but don’t worry, expect nothing and you won’t be let down.

As mothers who are trying to instill positive values in our children, we must remember that we can’t allow our disappointments with our partners or others to affect our parenting. There are those of you who are thinking, “Out of all the people, he should have at least got the children to give me something…” and maybe he should of, but remember people have their reasons for why they do what they do. Some things you might want to do in the future, if you are one of the ones who expect to be honored on Mother’s Day, is to prepare those around you in advance, but you can’t do this with a sour attitude.

Let your family know that you think that Mother’s Day is important. Tell them that even if they don’t have any money or can’t make it to your home on that day, you would be open to another day of acknowledgment at their convenience. As much as some of us would like things to happen when we want them, we must remind ourselves it isn’t always so. If you communicate your feelings to those around you in a polite way, who knows what next year might bring.
However, you may be changing, like I am, and if you are headed in that “take it or leave it” direction, then we must remember that we are letting those around us know that Mother’s Day and other holidays are unimportant, so we must stick to it. When we say one thing, but expect another, we will only be causing upset in our households. People will begin to think, “Well which is it? Celebrate holiday or not?” We also have to remain open to holidays that we might be acknowledged and we might not, but whatever happens, it should always be okay.

I think we paint ourselves in a box when we bad mouth holidays, talk about what someone does or doesn’t do for us, or criticize their gifts, because what we are telling others is, “Don’t buy for her, she’s negative and ungrateful.” Eventually, that painted box will become a wall around us and then when someone comes along with his or her best intentions, they bump right into it! He or she will unfortunately be shut out of our lives with all our negativity. I think God allows this for good-hearted people’s own protection. Once they see that negative wall, they stop coming around.

So I leave you with “Happy Mother’s Days” all year round! May you be blessed with sales, bargains and convenient parking when you go out and honor yourself each payday!

Nicholl McGuire