Hard to Be a Good Mom When You're Being Abused

There are moms who are fighting the good fight everyday! They fight with children, fight through traffic, fight with co-workers, fight with in-laws, and even fight with partners. It wasn't always like this! She used to be a nice, docile type adored and appreciated by family and friends.

A woman who has been through storms in her life and is still trying to protect herself from current storms is not a happy woman especially when she is living with an unhappy partner. He lies about sexual conquests, disrespects her and the children, ignores the family's need for attention, and often chooses to accommodate his selfish needs; rather than consider the needs of others. She is being abused whether she wants to call it that.

How can she raise well-adjusted, dare I say it, normal children when all this unnecessary stress is in and around her. It's hard enough just living especially if she has PMS or menopausal issues, now she has to contend with an abusive partner or spouse!

Something has got to give! She must look at her life from the outside in and realize that someone is going to get hurt if she keeps going out without a coat, umbrella and boots in these storms. Will it be the children? Will it be her? Will it be him? A victim has an excuse for everything. She reasons that nothing is as bad as it seems. She believes she has nothing to worry about. She thinks that the children will be alright, but we all know better--some of you reading this probably wished mom and dad had never met.

So with all this said, how does her issues with the man affect her parenting? Here are a few signs:

She frequently yells at the children for no apparent reason.

She complains a lot about her family issues.

She often thinks about getting away from her family.

She believes that drinking alcohol or smoking illegal drugs will take the edge off, so that she can face another day.

She allows her husband/boyfriend to get away with things even though she knows his actions are killing her inside.

She fantasizes about a divorce and/or seeing other men.

She wishes she never had children.

If you have any or all of these signs, you must re-evaluate what is happening in your personal life and how you intend to make some changes. My sincere prayers go out to you!

Nicholl McGuire wrote the book in the video, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate on Amazon.com

They Want Our Children

They call themselves mentor, recruiter, spiritual father, spiritual mother, counselor, teacher, priest, bishop, pastor, coach, and more. They disguise themselves with bright colorful words and phrases like, "I love children...I take care of children...I would never do anything to hurt your child..." Some of these people are honest, but others are nothing more than wolves in sheep clothing.

They most likely had been watching your child and mine for some time now waiting for the right time to make a move. The army recruiter bombards the child with dreams. The counselor convinces the child to go to a high-priced college knowing that he or she will be paying student loans back for the rest of his or her life. The relative fills your child's head up with ridiculous thoughts and now you have to try to undo everything that was taught. The teacher pushes lies about American history, religion, and science while your child questions you about every thing under the sun including your faith.

The satanist and the Christian wants your child, it's a battle of good and evil. What is your child's purpose in life? Will he or she be used for good or for evil? Whose side are you on? Some parents go for the middle of the road not interested in either side. To each his own, but at some point in life, someone will be picking a side especially in times of trouble. If the believer in Satan is around your child, he will promise fame and fortune. If the believer in Christ is around your child, he will promise life after death. Whichever road your child chooses, it will be difficult. Go straight up the middle and all his or her life will be plagued with, "Should I? Shouldn't I?" This is why it is up to the parent to teach his or her child basic principles that will help him or her mentally, physically and spiritually survive in this mean world.

If we don't bother to teach our children, no worries someone else will be more than happy to give our sons and daughters a foundation based on their life experiences. The older manipulative man will teach a daughter without her father's influence. The older seductive woman will teach a son without his mother's influence. Children everywhere will be taught by other children who have been taught by all sorts of people and things including dark entities of this world. Don't take my word for it, just watch some of the shows your child is watching and listen to some of the music. Someone or something wants them.

Nicholl McGuire

How We Blind Ourselves to the Actions of Our Children

If you have been a parent long enough, you have at one point in time acted as if your child was innocent even though you knew he or she was guilty as sin!

The audacity of someone to point out a flaw in your child. "Who does she think she is?" Let's face it children are not altogether lovely. Like adults, they have their quirks too no matter how long their eyelashes, pretty their eyes, and cute their smile! I can't help but think of some of the worst people born into this world were once children who came from fairly decent homes. Mom, dad or both were blind as a bat!

It is very easy to blind one's self to the actions of a child especially when they are negative. We don't want to face the reality that we have trouble on our hands. Witness after witness says something about our precious child and we might cover our ears one day, put some rose-colored glasses the next, or act mute another day.

This issue of wearing blinders when it comes to children manifests in how often and how much we buy them. It shows up when people tell us something negative and we choose not to scold them for it. The blinders continue to draw close when we don't want to relinquish power over our children when they are troubled. We choose not to trust someone else better equipped to help our children. In a nut shell, we are the nut! We refuse to face the truth; therefore we act in "nutty" ways.

Some moms will physically fight someone about their child if the person says just one word about a child's actions. Other moms will cuss someone out and accuse them of "not knowing what they are talking about." I wonder what some of the mothers of psychos said when someone came up to their child and said, "I just want to let you know that your son is abusing the cat again and he just tried to stab a dog." or "Your children were seen attempting to hurt a classmate with a baseball bat for the fourth time." How did these moms respond, "Oh kids will be kids."

It's time to wake up and look our children in the eyes. If we see signs that something isn't right upstairs, don't reason it away. If we notice that our children are unusual--different from the rest, don't let a report card filled with good letter grades blind us to other things. If some good Samaritan warns us about our children, don't turn on the person like a snake and bite them! Get the child some help. Do your part, if it means making more sacrifices.

Nicholl McGuire

Competitive Mothers: "My child is better than yours..."

Sometimes when I am sitting amongst mothers I hear how some talk to one another. "Wow so your child is already learning that? Well my child is doing this...and this..." Someone else chimes in about their child and before long everyone is talking about what "my child" is doing. "Mine is in the gifted program...mine is taking Algebra already and he is only in the third grade...my child is an honors student...my child is a star athlete..." Can I just be frank, I really try to avoid this type of conversation. I mean my children are involved in quite a few things (and its only going to get worse the older they get,) but seriously, do I have to announce what they do to everyone often?

Moms like these are called, braggarts. For the purpose of this blog entry, let's define what a mom who is deemed a "braggart" means. According to Websters dictionary, a braggart (used as a noun) is "someone who boasts about achievements and possessions."

I think Facebook and other social media sites tend to attract boastful mothers. How easy it is to upload a photo of your child and all of his or her accomplishments for everyone to see? I guess there's nothing wrong with being "proud"--then again I will have to check on that one in the Bible, hmm. Maybe there is something wrong with boasting about one's child considering that what goes up will eventually come down at some point in life (we can only hope our children will rise back up again--look at us,) but I digress.

I think what is annoying is the way one talks about his or her child and how often the person does it. A periodic report, like checking in on a friend every now and then, about one's child, seems to be okay, but a daily even a weekly report--so I have learned from my own experience--not okay. Some people apparently connect online for adult conversation to escape from their children not necessarily talk about them. I guess braggarts didn't get the memo.

The haughty spirit of some moms tend to show up when people begin commenting on the photograph or announcement she has made about her child. Rather than mom sitting back and letting the comments roll, she has to say something. If a person chooses to step out the box of positive commenting and dare I say it, rebuke a mom about something she may have said about her children or did, the proud parent turns up his or her passionate speech, "Well my children don't do that...I do this with my children...I have family, a babysitter, and a counselor...my child is well-adjusted...I can't speak for other people's children because mine is....blah, blah, blah!" We get it.
Before long mom's message is made loud and clear, "My child is better than yours."

Nicholl McGuire

Bedtime Blues

The children use to cry when they first awoke each day as babies. Then they would cry when it was time to go to bed too. Well in their toddler years, my boys are still crying before bed-time. I guess it is a good sign they had a fun-filled day and they just can't get enough. However, it isn't good for my ears or emotions!

A long day of instructions takes its toll being a stay-at-home parent. The partner does his part to try to alleviate the fussing during the evenings, but sometimes his efforts are no help. Bedtime preparation that should only take a few minutes ends up taking hours. Anyone out there know what I am talking about?

You look around and there is something on the floor, something on the bed, someone is hollering about a toy, and we still haven't got to the part where child takes bath, dries off, puts on PJs, and brushes teeth!

Yes, my friends, we are putting our time in as moms! One day, someone will walk by with their cute little people and we will say, "Ahhh" and they will say, "Would you like to take them home with you?" And we will say, "No, thank you. I put my time in already."

I can't wait for that time!

Nicholl McGuire