When the Children Get in The Way

No one wants to place blame on the cute little kid with dark brown eyes who stares back at you and says, "Give me a kiss!" We don't like to think that we can actually get tired of the spoiled brat. Some of us parents rather blame everyone else, but the child for feelings of burnout.

"If it wasn't for my husband's snoring maybe I could rest at night!" That could be true, but also think of the child who is whining in his sleep while tossing and turning in between the middle of you two as well. Could he have something to do with your lack of sleep too? Some parents insist on keeping a child in the same room and even the same bed way past their age. There actually is an age limit that you should keep a child in the bed with you, it expired when they were a few months old.

"If it wasn't for her always nagging me, maybe I could have some peace!" That could be true too, but have you considered the fact that your children are nagging you far more than your wife could ever? Couples often have problems, because they allow the children to be apart of everything! From the adult conversation going on in the bedroom while their son or daughter darts back and forth between rooms to allowing them to shower with mom or dad. Then when there is free time between the two, one or both is off doing whatever they wish never bothering to spend much time with one another.

Sometimes we like to place blame on everyone and everything, but never on the children. Why? Because they are innocent, little, and retarded (LOL) in their own way. They don't know any better. So how could these little people contribute to our world in any sort of negative way? Well they can! From the unexpected poop accident while talking with your spouse about something important to the fighting between siblings in the next room while talking on the phone, these incidents no matter big or small, can contribute to a bad day and can also be emotionally draining.

As parents, especially new ones, we must strongly consider is the negativity that is happening in our lives right now have something to do with the children; and what are we doing or not doing in our parenting, maintaining household and/or employment that is contributing to all the drama?

We have a choice: either see the reality of child rearing and how it affects us mentally and physically or the fantasy of child rearing where everything is so right with our children that they could never lie, manipulate or be angry at us or us with them. Some of us parents like living in fantasy world and tend to place blame on others for shattering it. There is a word that describes people like this narcissistic (please do look it up.) Parents must come up with solutions to make our stay with our little angels (NOT) a little more tolerable and placing blame or criticizing the other parent, relatives, daycare workers, and/or teachers doesn't help matters.

One thing some parents who live on Fantasy Island should do is admit the truth and stop sugarcoating the things that bother them concerning their children. As I'm writing I am thinking of those A.A. groups that some family members use to tell me about where someone would stand up and admit that they were an alcoholic. Well the first step to recovery for some of these self-righteous, narcissistic type of parents is to admit, "I am not perfect. I am responsible for my children. I will not place blame on others for my mistakes with them. I will not place blame on others because I can't seem to get my relationship with my partner right."

So the same can be done when a parent is obviously on his or her last nerve just admit, "The yelling is getting on my nerves!" Admitting this doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you an honest one! Maybe that is another problem too many parents are big liars! They don't want to tell the truth even if it hurts! My question to you is, so what are you going to do about the child who is turning your household upside down? Some parents would argue with their partner and make them the bad guy or gal for wanting the children to calm down, be quiet, put their toys away, clean up a mess, stop playing video games all day, etc.

Another thing is admit "I am doing a poor job parenting these kids!" There are days that we will not always be on top of our game, so why try to hide your flaws by playing the blame game? If the children are having temper tantrums not only at home, but embarrassing you in stores and parking lots then you are doing something wrong!

Lastly, admit "I have allowed my life to center around my children leaving no room for intimacy, travel, friends, shopping, even a few dollars to buy a magazine!" That's right! So if you can't do any of the things you once enjoyed, is it your partner's fault, your mother's fault for not wanting to watch your bratty kids, or anyone else's? We are responsible for our own destiny! If you don't like what is happening on the home front, start doing a better job caring for your children, disciplining them, getting organized, finding ways to obtain more money so you can get someone to watch them, and whatever else you need to do.

Just remember there are more people to love besides the children. Eventually your partner or relative will grow weary of the blame game and you and the kids will be left alone. Then you will start looking for a replacement -- someone who will be a mother or father to your children. Good luck! The next person won't want to be responsible for unruly children nor would he or she enjoy the company of someone who enjoys blaming everyone else concerning their children.

By Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/motherhoodtips

The Defensive Mother

"Face what you fear, fix what you have control over, and figure out what's wrong with you before someone else does it for you." This is what I said to those who follow me on Twitter and I mean it with every ounce of my being! Lately, I have been on a mission to not only write articles, books, and poems, but snippets of the most informative and empowering things from my spiritual self, because I know my days are numbered.

The closer you walk in the spiritual realm the closer you are to seeing what your destiny is in life. A woman who has brought another human being in this world should be walking somewhere not just anywhere, because she has been chosen by something, much greater than man, to take on the responsibility of shaping the future. Oh yes, fathers must play a part too, but I am not talking about fathers today. What I am saying is that when you are privy to knowledge or get that "Aha moment" like Oprah has said over the years, you better do something with it. But the defensive mother, she does nothing but fight.

You may know of her or be her, she is the woman who is warned by other mothers about some negative actions she is participating in, and she will find every excuse in the world to not listen or puff herself and family up so as not to feel the conviction in her spirit.

You may have the intuition to see through her as she speaks when others can't or choose not to and look away. If you do ignore her negativity and just go along to get along then you are no friend.

In order to protect herself, she will digress, brag, use how God is with her and anything else to keep you from speaking the truth. For instance, the defensive woman will tell you, how wonderful her partner is, but wasn't it only last week when he cussed her out and reduced her to tears? She tells you how wonderful her children are doing, but wasn't it only days ago that one of them was in trouble? She talks about how much money she has, but wasn't it less than a year ago that she was asking around for money? Now she has painted her lips red, puffed her hair out, squeezed her body in a tight girdle, put a short dress on, and slipped into a pair of pumps way to tall to stand in much less walk in, and she doesn't want to hear anything you have to say.

She looks at you like a fool. She rolls her eyes, tosses back her hair, and acts like her child is doing something so important that she must tend to him or her while you talk. You almost feel compelled to be quiet and forget about her and what you were going to say. But there is a powerful prompting in your spirit that makes you blurt out with, "Listen! You must hear this..." Then what follows is something you have observed in the way she is handling a matter or matter(s.) You find yourself trying to give her legs to stand before her life falls in those heels that she is wearing especially if she chooses to go out into the world marketing herself in that way.

Oh she is going to fight you! She is going to tell you about yourself. "Well what about you...and remember when...and you think..!" But you don't hear all of that, because if you are a spiritual woman, you will be saying things that will haunt her for days until she finally says, "Now I know why you said what you did..." She may even put pride aside and say, "You were right."

I wrote this because I have met far too many defensive women who dance around issues in an attempt to run away from wisdom. They think that because on the outside they appear to have "it going on" that no one can tell them anything. But guess what? Someone is going to tell them something and it might be you, I or someone else or a negative circumstance with a serious lesson to be learned. We may be the ones that may have a messenger come to us one day. If so, I would advise that we shut our mouths and take some notes.

In closing, we must consider the following. One, we face whatever circumstances we fear. Two, use the feelings of resistance to fix what we have control over. Lastly, take an inward look at ourselves in order to figure out what is exactly wrong with us.

Remember don't be a defensive mother when there is no offense being committed, and no game being played. Watch and listen.

FIX, FACE & FIGURE FOR 2010

Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/motherhoodtips

Respect Hard to Come By When You Don't Expect It

I have seen my share of children often giving parents a hard time. It isn't that these parents aren't great, patient, and tend to be "very nice", the problem is they are too nice.

The child pulls away, falls out, whines, acts like a fool just about anywhere they take them and the "nice" parent just says, "Okay that's enough." In a sweet, voice only to infuriate the child more and make an even bigger scene.

There's not much you can do once a child is in the public and most likely he or she knows that, that's why they do what they do. But there is plenty you can do behind closed doors without prying eyes, wondering, "Well how does he manage to get his children to behave?"

Sometimes as mothers we are so busy doing a myriad of tasks that we fail to discipline our children consistently then wonder why they misbehave. If it means that you have to write a large note on a wall with the penalties of each action if your child steps out of line to help you remember, do it.

Its bad enough that some mothers wear frustration on their faces when dealing with their children, its another problem when their dramas become yours.

Thanks for reading and your continued support!

Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/motherhoodtips

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Today was a Good Day!

Sometimes it is challenging for some mothers to say, "Today was a good day!" Because they are often feeling upset about one thing or another. But when those good days come, we should all rejoice!

A mother who is often angered isn't someone you will want to be around. When you ask her how she is doing, she usually responds with, "I'm okay. Alright I guess. Not bad. Not feeling good. Don't feel well." Sometimes she doesn't bother expressing her feelings, she just gets right to it, "You know I wanted to ream him a new one! You know she's such a b*tch!" You walk away feeling sorry you asked.

You may have got off the phone as fast as you could with a friend like this. You may have avoided others in the store. You have enough problems of your own, you don't think you can stomach someone else's drama.

I'm not mad at you or myself for doing this. Good days don't come often for many of us if we work in certain professions and that's all we hear on a regular basis is bad news, have to care for someone who is mentally ill, have health issues, and other things that others could not and would not attempt to understand.

So if today is your good day and you are fighting to stay away from negative people and situations, by all means do it! Don't feel guilty!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com