The Defensive Mother

"Face what you fear, fix what you have control over, and figure out what's wrong with you before someone else does it for you." This is what I said to those who follow me on Twitter and I mean it with every ounce of my being! Lately, I have been on a mission to not only write articles, books, and poems, but snippets of the most informative and empowering things from my spiritual self, because I know my days are numbered.

The closer you walk in the spiritual realm the closer you are to seeing what your destiny is in life. A woman who has brought another human being in this world should be walking somewhere not just anywhere, because she has been chosen by something, much greater than man, to take on the responsibility of shaping the future. Oh yes, fathers must play a part too, but I am not talking about fathers today. What I am saying is that when you are privy to knowledge or get that "Aha moment" like Oprah has said over the years, you better do something with it. But the defensive mother, she does nothing but fight.

You may know of her or be her, she is the woman who is warned by other mothers about some negative actions she is participating in, and she will find every excuse in the world to not listen or puff herself and family up so as not to feel the conviction in her spirit.

You may have the intuition to see through her as she speaks when others can't or choose not to and look away. If you do ignore her negativity and just go along to get along then you are no friend.

In order to protect herself, she will digress, brag, use how God is with her and anything else to keep you from speaking the truth. For instance, the defensive woman will tell you, how wonderful her partner is, but wasn't it only last week when he cussed her out and reduced her to tears? She tells you how wonderful her children are doing, but wasn't it only days ago that one of them was in trouble? She talks about how much money she has, but wasn't it less than a year ago that she was asking around for money? Now she has painted her lips red, puffed her hair out, squeezed her body in a tight girdle, put a short dress on, and slipped into a pair of pumps way to tall to stand in much less walk in, and she doesn't want to hear anything you have to say.

She looks at you like a fool. She rolls her eyes, tosses back her hair, and acts like her child is doing something so important that she must tend to him or her while you talk. You almost feel compelled to be quiet and forget about her and what you were going to say. But there is a powerful prompting in your spirit that makes you blurt out with, "Listen! You must hear this..." Then what follows is something you have observed in the way she is handling a matter or matter(s.) You find yourself trying to give her legs to stand before her life falls in those heels that she is wearing especially if she chooses to go out into the world marketing herself in that way.

Oh she is going to fight you! She is going to tell you about yourself. "Well what about you...and remember when...and you think..!" But you don't hear all of that, because if you are a spiritual woman, you will be saying things that will haunt her for days until she finally says, "Now I know why you said what you did..." She may even put pride aside and say, "You were right."

I wrote this because I have met far too many defensive women who dance around issues in an attempt to run away from wisdom. They think that because on the outside they appear to have "it going on" that no one can tell them anything. But guess what? Someone is going to tell them something and it might be you, I or someone else or a negative circumstance with a serious lesson to be learned. We may be the ones that may have a messenger come to us one day. If so, I would advise that we shut our mouths and take some notes.

In closing, we must consider the following. One, we face whatever circumstances we fear. Two, use the feelings of resistance to fix what we have control over. Lastly, take an inward look at ourselves in order to figure out what is exactly wrong with us.

Remember don't be a defensive mother when there is no offense being committed, and no game being played. Watch and listen.

FIX, FACE & FIGURE FOR 2010

Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/motherhoodtips

Respect Hard to Come By When You Don't Expect It

I have seen my share of children often giving parents a hard time. It isn't that these parents aren't great, patient, and tend to be "very nice", the problem is they are too nice.

The child pulls away, falls out, whines, acts like a fool just about anywhere they take them and the "nice" parent just says, "Okay that's enough." In a sweet, voice only to infuriate the child more and make an even bigger scene.

There's not much you can do once a child is in the public and most likely he or she knows that, that's why they do what they do. But there is plenty you can do behind closed doors without prying eyes, wondering, "Well how does he manage to get his children to behave?"

Sometimes as mothers we are so busy doing a myriad of tasks that we fail to discipline our children consistently then wonder why they misbehave. If it means that you have to write a large note on a wall with the penalties of each action if your child steps out of line to help you remember, do it.

Its bad enough that some mothers wear frustration on their faces when dealing with their children, its another problem when their dramas become yours.

Thanks for reading and your continued support!

Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/motherhoodtips

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Today was a Good Day!

Sometimes it is challenging for some mothers to say, "Today was a good day!" Because they are often feeling upset about one thing or another. But when those good days come, we should all rejoice!

A mother who is often angered isn't someone you will want to be around. When you ask her how she is doing, she usually responds with, "I'm okay. Alright I guess. Not bad. Not feeling good. Don't feel well." Sometimes she doesn't bother expressing her feelings, she just gets right to it, "You know I wanted to ream him a new one! You know she's such a b*tch!" You walk away feeling sorry you asked.

You may have got off the phone as fast as you could with a friend like this. You may have avoided others in the store. You have enough problems of your own, you don't think you can stomach someone else's drama.

I'm not mad at you or myself for doing this. Good days don't come often for many of us if we work in certain professions and that's all we hear on a regular basis is bad news, have to care for someone who is mentally ill, have health issues, and other things that others could not and would not attempt to understand.

So if today is your good day and you are fighting to stay away from negative people and situations, by all means do it! Don't feel guilty!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Rainy Days, Snowy Days, Ill Days Can Be Terrible for Mothers

There is no one you can call to drop your children off when you are ill, when there are rainy and snowy days. The children may be suffering from a sudden health ailment and you are at home all day everyday alone with them.

What do mothers do in situations like these? It is very difficult for the mother who doesn't have the money to pay for a daycare or babysitter and has no family around her who can relieve her of her children. She may have tried everything known to man to keep her children entertained, but today is one of those days.

She walks out of her children's room, they start fighting. She sits them in front of the TV they start pushing buttons. She reads to them and they want more. She gives them their favorite foods and suddenly they end up on the floor! They cry over the slightest thing and she can't seem to quiet them fast enough to think!

It all seems so minute on the surface, typical motherhood issues, but couple them with PMS, menopause, a recent divorce or job loss mixed with bad weather, and this mother is on her way to a mental breakdown!

So many experts and people who claim they know or understand, don't. This is one of those situations where you will have to walk in her shoes. This is one of those times that your sister in Christ needs prayer and this is one of those times that it just might be you.

Whatever you do, when you feel like a mother who is headed for a nervous breakdown, remove yourself from the children even if it means you have to stand out in the rain. Take a time out somewhere in your home or call up a friend who has been there herself, but don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the energy that they give off. If you have headphones use them, a stereo system with surround sound crank it, and separate the children if you can. One upstairs, one downstairs. One in one room and one in the next. Give them their favorite toys then shut the door! Then get back to your task or get back to your cry whichever will bring you the most peace!

Nicholl McGuire