Happy New Year. I seldom make New Year’s resolutions anymore (no more than
once a year!) but this year I made one and I’m determined to follow
through. It’...
Wednesday
Arguments: You Cried Again Over What He Said, He Did
Being a mother is challenging, but being a mother with children and a partner/husband can take its toll to the point that you are lying on your back in a hospital bed wondering, "What just happened...why am I here? When will I stop letting that man get the best of me!?"
I have witnessed some of the most content mothers and grandmothers without men. Let me repeat, without men. They rather be alone then to cry over yet another man who simply refuses to do right by his family. One mother of six shared with me, "I have been hurt by men so much that I would be afraid to be with one now, I just might kill him...I wouldn't want him around my kids either...he just might not love them, and then that's when I would have to hurt him." This is a woman who truly knows herself. But far too many women choose to focus on what they hope to become rather than what they now are. If you have little patience, time, or need for a man, why bother? Why bring him around your children? Why settle for someone who has a proven record of selfishness and isn't into his own children much less anyone else's?
Picture this, you are in the kitchen preparing a meal and notice your partner/husband's cell phone flash on the table near you and there it is, a message on the screen that you and I both know isn't a typical work sounding message. In a moment, just like that, your stomach churns, you stop cooking, and now someone has some explaining to do. After repeated arguments, you find out far more than you wanted to know and now you are crying.
With so much temptation on the Internet, it isn't any wonder that so many couples end up in divorce court. Imagine this, you are minding your own business on the Internet and decide to look up something you saw yesterday, yet instead of finding what you viewed in Internet history, you see that your partner is up to no good. Now your head hurts, your heart aches, and you are surfing for an attorney online with tears in your eyes. Enough is enough!
From a partner loving everyone else but you to parenting blues when it comes to raising children, what more are you doing these days besides crying?
The father of your children curses, lies, makes false promises, covers up his Internet activity, pretends to care for you in public (so that men including his friends won't think twice), stares at other women, talks about you to other women (including mom), and claims that he believes in a Creator...yet the writing on the wall says, "This is it. Stop crying. Your struggle is no more."
The yelling, name-calling, throwing things, and crying does nothing! It only upsets you and creates further distance in your relationship. Children become worried that one day something or someone is going to get hurt, walk away, or they are going to miss out on a favorite toy or pet as a result of mom and dad not getting along.
One can cry, she can complain, but once the fuss is over, you have to ask yourself, "What do I want? It is obvious that the man isn't going to change, so what should I be doing?" Here is a list to help get you started:
1. Save money, spend less.
2. Maintain or get better employment.
3. Sell what you have to get what you want.
4. Live where you want to live.
5. Take up a hobby that builds up your self-confidence and uplifts you spiritually.
6. Pray, fast and read words of wisdom.
7. Connect with successful women who are at peace with their life decisions with or without a man.
If you believe in a Creator, then you must know that you can't hear from Him when you are yelling and you can't see him when your eyes are blinded with tears.
Nicholl McGuire is a blogger, author and YouTuber, listen to inspirational and convicting messages at http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7
I have witnessed some of the most content mothers and grandmothers without men. Let me repeat, without men. They rather be alone then to cry over yet another man who simply refuses to do right by his family. One mother of six shared with me, "I have been hurt by men so much that I would be afraid to be with one now, I just might kill him...I wouldn't want him around my kids either...he just might not love them, and then that's when I would have to hurt him." This is a woman who truly knows herself. But far too many women choose to focus on what they hope to become rather than what they now are. If you have little patience, time, or need for a man, why bother? Why bring him around your children? Why settle for someone who has a proven record of selfishness and isn't into his own children much less anyone else's?
Picture this, you are in the kitchen preparing a meal and notice your partner/husband's cell phone flash on the table near you and there it is, a message on the screen that you and I both know isn't a typical work sounding message. In a moment, just like that, your stomach churns, you stop cooking, and now someone has some explaining to do. After repeated arguments, you find out far more than you wanted to know and now you are crying.
With so much temptation on the Internet, it isn't any wonder that so many couples end up in divorce court. Imagine this, you are minding your own business on the Internet and decide to look up something you saw yesterday, yet instead of finding what you viewed in Internet history, you see that your partner is up to no good. Now your head hurts, your heart aches, and you are surfing for an attorney online with tears in your eyes. Enough is enough!
From a partner loving everyone else but you to parenting blues when it comes to raising children, what more are you doing these days besides crying?
The father of your children curses, lies, makes false promises, covers up his Internet activity, pretends to care for you in public (so that men including his friends won't think twice), stares at other women, talks about you to other women (including mom), and claims that he believes in a Creator...yet the writing on the wall says, "This is it. Stop crying. Your struggle is no more."
The yelling, name-calling, throwing things, and crying does nothing! It only upsets you and creates further distance in your relationship. Children become worried that one day something or someone is going to get hurt, walk away, or they are going to miss out on a favorite toy or pet as a result of mom and dad not getting along.
One can cry, she can complain, but once the fuss is over, you have to ask yourself, "What do I want? It is obvious that the man isn't going to change, so what should I be doing?" Here is a list to help get you started:
1. Save money, spend less.
2. Maintain or get better employment.
3. Sell what you have to get what you want.
4. Live where you want to live.
5. Take up a hobby that builds up your self-confidence and uplifts you spiritually.
6. Pray, fast and read words of wisdom.
7. Connect with successful women who are at peace with their life decisions with or without a man.
If you believe in a Creator, then you must know that you can't hear from Him when you are yelling and you can't see him when your eyes are blinded with tears.
Nicholl McGuire is a blogger, author and YouTuber, listen to inspirational and convicting messages at http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7
Monday
Saturday
The Child Who Loves to Exaggerate - How to Put a Stop to It
Do you have a little exaggerator in your family? This is the child who makes stories better or worse than what they are. The fantasy always sounds and looks better than reality in his or her eyes. The little person seeks attention with her story-telling, enjoys the reaction he or she receives from listeners, and is testing his or her communication skills on anyone willing to listen. The individual may one day be a writer, teacher, actor, or someone in a creative field. Yet, exaggerating something is not good when it comes to basic communication.
For instance, when a parent is looking to seek the truth about a matter, exaggeration is no different than lying. Most people don't want to hear anything that makes something look worse than what it is. Someone who is already upset about something doesn't want to have to hear things that are simply untrue whether the story-teller is a child or not. Those who have been offended by a child's exaggerations will expect the parent to deal with the child.
So what to do?
Parents will need to teach children the difference between fantasy and reality, nonfiction and fiction, and the difference between lie and truth. Test the child to see if what you have said resonates in his or her little brain. Parents will also need to train your child to not only communicate better, but utilize good listening skills. This might include reading and writing exercises, listening to recordings and then allowing for discussion, and question and answer sessions.
You may or may not know whether your child is exaggerating an event; therefore, you will need the child to repeat the story. Stop him or her mid-sentence when something doesn't sound right and ask him or her, "Why did you just say that?" This will challenge him or her to think before he or she speaks. You will also need to question others who may have witnessed what the child claims to have experienced.
When the child refuses to tell the truth, you should scold him or her and take away favorite items for each lie told. You should also tell your son or daughter to think about what he or she said and make apologies whether verbally, through service, or in other ways to make wrongs right with offended individuals.
It is unfortunate that so many parents don't bother to admonish or correct children who exaggerate circumstances, stories, and more, but when you know that you have an exaggerator in your camp, don't hesitate to expose him or her before things get out of hand.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, and other books. You can visit a parenting blog that she maintains here.
For instance, when a parent is looking to seek the truth about a matter, exaggeration is no different than lying. Most people don't want to hear anything that makes something look worse than what it is. Someone who is already upset about something doesn't want to have to hear things that are simply untrue whether the story-teller is a child or not. Those who have been offended by a child's exaggerations will expect the parent to deal with the child.
So what to do?
Parents will need to teach children the difference between fantasy and reality, nonfiction and fiction, and the difference between lie and truth. Test the child to see if what you have said resonates in his or her little brain. Parents will also need to train your child to not only communicate better, but utilize good listening skills. This might include reading and writing exercises, listening to recordings and then allowing for discussion, and question and answer sessions.
You may or may not know whether your child is exaggerating an event; therefore, you will need the child to repeat the story. Stop him or her mid-sentence when something doesn't sound right and ask him or her, "Why did you just say that?" This will challenge him or her to think before he or she speaks. You will also need to question others who may have witnessed what the child claims to have experienced.
When the child refuses to tell the truth, you should scold him or her and take away favorite items for each lie told. You should also tell your son or daughter to think about what he or she said and make apologies whether verbally, through service, or in other ways to make wrongs right with offended individuals.
It is unfortunate that so many parents don't bother to admonish or correct children who exaggerate circumstances, stories, and more, but when you know that you have an exaggerator in your camp, don't hesitate to expose him or her before things get out of hand.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, and other books. You can visit a parenting blog that she maintains here.
Wednesday
7 Ways Successful Parents Save Money
Have you ever wondered how some parents can set goals to save money while you can't? Well, the following tips were inspired by those parents who successfully did it and are retired happily. Instead of putting children's wants above goals, like many financially challenged people do, successful parents examine what is best for family while encouraging an atmosphere that is self-less rather than selfish.
1. They don't take their children everywhere they go.
Most often when you go somewhere that caters to families, a little person in the group is going to want something. To avoid the headache of "I want," from a child, it is up to parents and grandparents with little money and even less patience, to leave children at home when shopping for essentials. Parents who are going through a financially difficult time, leave children's wants out of conversations, and focus on priorities like keeping utilities on and a roof over the family's heads. If a child should want something, the financially successful parents make the child earn what it is that they want by doing chores and once older seeking a job.
2. They turn down any invite that they consider an unnecessary expense or not worth their time.
An event that might churn up an offer to babysit for free is a good deal, but an event that costs more to plan to attend plus additional charges like tickets, hotel, gas, etc. might be a waste. People who believe in saving money don't bother to attend too many activities, especially kid-related, if it is going to cost much money and hassle to get there. Children can produce major headaches, why have another one over how much something costs?
3. They don't sign up their children for extracurricular activities "...just because."
Unless you can afford to sign up a child for a certain activity "...because she just wants to do it..." why spend the money? Parents who often complain about not having any money tend not to tell themselves or their children, "No." As a result, they suffer financially sooner or later. They fail to look beyond the registration cost, the equipment that needs to be bought, workdays missed, gas expenses to attend games, and more.
4. They don't buy brand names when they shop and choose to only focus on sale items.
Not all merchandise labeled is really "on sale." There are inflated manufacturer prices that are printed on labels and then a price markdown. Why not shop around for additional price mark downs or wait? Money conscious parents know how to shop for cheaper alternatives or wait until the price is right for their budget, but those who have spoiled children feel pressure to appease.
5. They don't make promises to children that involve spending money they don't have.
How many times have you heard a parent say, "Well, I am doing this because I promised..." Money doesn't grow on trees and just because a child says, "But Mommy you said..." doesn't mean that you are obligated to do everything that you say or else. A parent might want to check his or her bank account before saying anything to a child about buying something for him or her.
6. They look for freebies and discounts on things like health care, toys, places to visit, clothing and shoes.
Think of the money you can save if you just take the time to research (I personally use ebates, see link on top right corner of blog). Parents who have a tight budget can't afford to waste money. Some parents will spend much money walking across the street to buy certain items rather than driving a little further down the street to find the same goods on sale.
7. They buy goods that they need now and save for future wants.
Children can put pressure on you to buy now rather than later. Don't fall for the cries, exaggerations, lies, promises and everything else they come up with to force you or someone else in your family to do what they want. A stressed parent who is trying to pay bills, celebrate holidays, and plan family vacation may want to consider cutting some things out while remaining positive about saving money. The more negative the attitude is about putting money away for unexpected issues, the less likely one will do it, so stay positive and teach your children to do the same!
Nicholl McGuire
1. They don't take their children everywhere they go.
Most often when you go somewhere that caters to families, a little person in the group is going to want something. To avoid the headache of "I want," from a child, it is up to parents and grandparents with little money and even less patience, to leave children at home when shopping for essentials. Parents who are going through a financially difficult time, leave children's wants out of conversations, and focus on priorities like keeping utilities on and a roof over the family's heads. If a child should want something, the financially successful parents make the child earn what it is that they want by doing chores and once older seeking a job.
2. They turn down any invite that they consider an unnecessary expense or not worth their time.
An event that might churn up an offer to babysit for free is a good deal, but an event that costs more to plan to attend plus additional charges like tickets, hotel, gas, etc. might be a waste. People who believe in saving money don't bother to attend too many activities, especially kid-related, if it is going to cost much money and hassle to get there. Children can produce major headaches, why have another one over how much something costs?
3. They don't sign up their children for extracurricular activities "...just because."
Unless you can afford to sign up a child for a certain activity "...because she just wants to do it..." why spend the money? Parents who often complain about not having any money tend not to tell themselves or their children, "No." As a result, they suffer financially sooner or later. They fail to look beyond the registration cost, the equipment that needs to be bought, workdays missed, gas expenses to attend games, and more.
4. They don't buy brand names when they shop and choose to only focus on sale items.
Not all merchandise labeled is really "on sale." There are inflated manufacturer prices that are printed on labels and then a price markdown. Why not shop around for additional price mark downs or wait? Money conscious parents know how to shop for cheaper alternatives or wait until the price is right for their budget, but those who have spoiled children feel pressure to appease.
5. They don't make promises to children that involve spending money they don't have.
How many times have you heard a parent say, "Well, I am doing this because I promised..." Money doesn't grow on trees and just because a child says, "But Mommy you said..." doesn't mean that you are obligated to do everything that you say or else. A parent might want to check his or her bank account before saying anything to a child about buying something for him or her.
6. They look for freebies and discounts on things like health care, toys, places to visit, clothing and shoes.
Think of the money you can save if you just take the time to research (I personally use ebates, see link on top right corner of blog). Parents who have a tight budget can't afford to waste money. Some parents will spend much money walking across the street to buy certain items rather than driving a little further down the street to find the same goods on sale.
7. They buy goods that they need now and save for future wants.
Children can put pressure on you to buy now rather than later. Don't fall for the cries, exaggerations, lies, promises and everything else they come up with to force you or someone else in your family to do what they want. A stressed parent who is trying to pay bills, celebrate holidays, and plan family vacation may want to consider cutting some things out while remaining positive about saving money. The more negative the attitude is about putting money away for unexpected issues, the less likely one will do it, so stay positive and teach your children to do the same!
Nicholl McGuire
Saturday
Mothers all over the world can speak up about more than just family related issues
Tina Louise's Speech - Mother's Against Fracking Rally 30.03.14.
A good example of making a public stand against government actions. When you are aware of an issue, research it, gather those who aren't fearful to stand in agreement, and expose the issue for what it is!
"A slang term for hydraulic fracturing. Fracking refers to the procedure of creating fractures in rocks and rock formations by injecting fluid into cracks to force them further open. The larger fissures allow more oil and gas to flow out of the formation and into the wellbore, from where it can be extracted."-- Investopedia.com
Mothers Rally Together About a Variety of Issues - Get Some Ideas Watch 2014 Videos
Mothers rally to push for breastfeeding as valid exemption from jury duty
Mothers rally to reduce C-section birth rate
Stop Common Core in New Your State
Mothers rally to reduce C-section birth rate
Stop Common Core in New Your State
Friday
Children Get Older, Get Bolder
There are mothers in jail crying because they shortened the life of a spouse, children or even a loved one, because of a child's misdeeds. These women lost it--went mad, became afraid and defended their selves, or went through some kind of dilemma that they felt gave them no choice but to hurt another human being permanently.
"Never say what you will never do and never be too sure that all those around you are mentally stable," I thought after being tested one day by one of my children. If it wasn't for my faith, I can boldly say, I don't know where I would be today.
As children get older, they grow bolder in what they say and do. You can only pray that God keeps his hand on your mouth and a hand on your shoulder. From deep sighs to yelling, you recall those days you sacrificed much for your children and then the nerve of them...
I have listened to the stories of mothers who didn't take what their children did and said lightly especially when they acted in ways that were downright wrong! They usually end their stories with something like, "Those kids are lucky I didn't kill them...They should be grateful I'm not in jail because of them..."
When one is tempted to lose it, you can do some things only if you are able to before things get too bad:
1. Remove whatever you have in your hand. Place it away from you and child.
2. Walk out the door, get some fresh air, sit and talk with a trusted loved one or friend.
3. Get out of the room that the violation took place. The longer you stay, the more frustrated you will become.
4. Avoid discussing the issue with a spouse/partner/another child that is uncaring, moody, tired--especially when you are emotional. Chances are you and that person will get into an argument about the one who has offended you.
5. Put on headphones. Shutting the problem out allows you time to think clearly before reacting.
6. Stop cooking--you don't want to cause a fire.
7. Pull the car over--you don't want to cause an accident.
Someone shared with me that a relative would clean when she was stressed, this way she didn't ponder too long about what her children did. She said, "She would spank their behinds, then continue to clean. There was no yelling...she just sang to herself." The issue was done, over with--unfortunately far too many mothers run issues into the ground with long rants making it difficult for them and those involved to calm down. The key is to say what you need to say, do what you need to do as quick as possible. If your child should challenge you, remind the smart mouth there is a place for him/her and you called jail (juvenile detention center for children), then ask, "Would you like to go?"
Worse case scenario, call a relative who might have better control over your children and/or the police before you do something that might cause much heartache--especially if you have violent, disrespectful children or an uncaring spouse/partner.
Nicholl McGuire
"Never say what you will never do and never be too sure that all those around you are mentally stable," I thought after being tested one day by one of my children. If it wasn't for my faith, I can boldly say, I don't know where I would be today.
As children get older, they grow bolder in what they say and do. You can only pray that God keeps his hand on your mouth and a hand on your shoulder. From deep sighs to yelling, you recall those days you sacrificed much for your children and then the nerve of them...
I have listened to the stories of mothers who didn't take what their children did and said lightly especially when they acted in ways that were downright wrong! They usually end their stories with something like, "Those kids are lucky I didn't kill them...They should be grateful I'm not in jail because of them..."
When one is tempted to lose it, you can do some things only if you are able to before things get too bad:
1. Remove whatever you have in your hand. Place it away from you and child.
2. Walk out the door, get some fresh air, sit and talk with a trusted loved one or friend.
3. Get out of the room that the violation took place. The longer you stay, the more frustrated you will become.
4. Avoid discussing the issue with a spouse/partner/another child that is uncaring, moody, tired--especially when you are emotional. Chances are you and that person will get into an argument about the one who has offended you.
5. Put on headphones. Shutting the problem out allows you time to think clearly before reacting.
6. Stop cooking--you don't want to cause a fire.
7. Pull the car over--you don't want to cause an accident.
Someone shared with me that a relative would clean when she was stressed, this way she didn't ponder too long about what her children did. She said, "She would spank their behinds, then continue to clean. There was no yelling...she just sang to herself." The issue was done, over with--unfortunately far too many mothers run issues into the ground with long rants making it difficult for them and those involved to calm down. The key is to say what you need to say, do what you need to do as quick as possible. If your child should challenge you, remind the smart mouth there is a place for him/her and you called jail (juvenile detention center for children), then ask, "Would you like to go?"
Worse case scenario, call a relative who might have better control over your children and/or the police before you do something that might cause much heartache--especially if you have violent, disrespectful children or an uncaring spouse/partner.
Nicholl McGuire
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When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on book by Nicholl McGuire, When Mothers Cry.
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