Nicholl McGuire on Raising Sons

When I wrote When Mothers Cry, the reaction from fellow mothers was just what I had imagined.  The head nod, the tears, and the questions were all to be expected after reading my book.  However, what really made me feel moved inside was when I heard from moms who were like me, raising sons.  It didn't matter whether we had fathers around or not, we all had our concerns about parenting boys. Time and time again we talked about how easy they were as compared to daughters to parent, but they too come with their share of challenges.  From the political agendas to emasculate them to relatives who were far from good role models, we moms shared our thoughts on and off the Internet and were at times visibly upset with what some of our sons had already been exposed to.

I will not say that since the birth of this blog it has been easy teaching, talking to, protecting, and shopping for children.  Not at all!  The journey has been difficult.  With one son who graduated this year from high school and three more to go, I have had my highs and lows.  Yet, I have no regrets divorcing, moving away, moving on, and having a faith.  God didn't put no more on me than I could handle.  Not every mother was built the same and not every mother can take what another mother can take--doesn't make anyone better than the other--we all have our challenges.

With the first two boys, everything played out in such a way that I know it was nothing but God who heard my prayers.  Without getting into too much detail, I will share that I was quite elated when I realized just how powerful prayer was (and still is) and how I could simply go to God with my concerns, wait on Him and see results.  I know that sometimes we get angry when people get in the way of our plans, but what I have learned is that when you have a faith, you can get God on the case and not feel like you have missed out on anything in your children's lives whether near or far.

The enemy thought years ago he had the upperhand on me before, during and after childbirth.  I admit I made my mistakes, but I never allowed them to consume me when it came to parenting my children whether part or full-time.  I refused to let mean spirited witnesses and self righteous Christians win with their wishes for my failure or vengeful behaviors because I didn't dance by the beat of their drums--lol. Some of you know what I am talking about because you have had to encounter everything from needy dads with all sorts of addictions to evil in-laws and everyone else in between.  Yet, no matter what you have heard or seen that you didn't agree with coming from judgmental folks, you still fight the good fight concerning your sons.  You stay focused on the future knowing that all you can do is show them better than you can tell them by being a good example.

I am most grateful to my Father in heaven for choosing me, a mere vessel, to impact so many through my hardships over the years.  I didn't understand at the time when I was crying what was really going on.  But I know now that serving a righteous God, you have to be right!  You have to do what is right and you have to walk right!  So I started with me, asking God to forgive me and later I learned to forgive others.

Parenting children, specifically sons, requires preparing them for leadership roles not mini-me roles. They will be leaders in workplaces possibly, in families, and elsewhere.  We are directing them to their rightful place as God intended--Adam and Jesus were both leaders.  They are to love and respect wives of their youth and their children and not to repeat the examples of children of darkness.  They are to be humble not prideful.  Choose love over hate.  Be kind to others rather than worry over what others can do for them.  They are to not only take but give and give generously.

I love my sons and I know part of loving them includes demonstrating tough love at times.  They are to not only hear about manhood, but see as well as experience it, God's way.  So in order to do that, they need their heavenly father above all else.  We are their mothers, but we are not God or doormats.  The weakness that they see in us is not there for them to manipulate, abuse, lust after, belittle, etc. but to learn from, provide support, and mature.  Where we are weak, God can use his called and chosen men to aid in making us strong.  Yet, if we don't do our parts not only preaching, but showing them by example, then we do them a disservice.

God bless our children.

Nicholl McGuire