Just when you thought you were your own person, independent, strong and free of parental programming, a long comes someone who knows your mother and out comes, "You act just like your mother..." Depending on your relationship with her, you are offended by this comment. You might retort, "Don't say that! I am not my mother!" The truth is we all have a little bit of our mothers and possibly grandmothers in us. But we don't have to embrace all that comes with these women either!
Let's just say that you might say and do things that do remind others that you are your mother's child, and those ways are not good. Then it would make sense to work to change them. Talking to Mom everyday or visiting with her is not going to help you self improve. Instead, what you will find is that the behaviors you don't like about your mother r yourself will only be reinforced. If you don't want to be like someone, it would make sense to create some distance so that you can discover who you want to be and not what Mother says you should be.
When the voice of your mother shows up to criticize, abuse, control, or tell you about your new self n progress, tell that voice, "I will not receive that today...No, I am not going to do or say that...My mother would have, but not me..." Practice redirecting your thoughts everyday. Read items your mother would never look at, go places she wouldn't visit, see things she would turn her nose up at, broaden your horizons!
The next time someone says, "You act just like your mother!" Respond with, "I might, but I am working to change that."
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry on Blurb.com
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