Mothers - A Needed Change in Finances, Relationships

Have you ever looked at your billing statement from a creditor and sighed, wishing yet again you didn't put so much on your credit card for children?  Was there ever a time that you looked at your husband/partner and wished that you could receive the same kind of hug from him or her that was given to the children?  Do you wish to do something better in your life, but lack resources, education, and motivation to get it done?  If you have ever felt this way, then know that you are not alone!  There are plenty of mothers on this site and others who wanted change in their lives from finances to relationships, but did nothing.  You are different and you will do something, because you want to!

When mothers let themselves cry to the point that they are sick and tired, things change!  A mother who is sincerely fed up with the credit card debt will cut it up and will not use it again. She remembers how she missed out on getting things done, because she spent hundreds on stuff for the kids once again.  A mother who is bitter about how a partner treats children better than her will make up in her mind to either reach out for affection or move on with her life.  She will welcome someone into her life who will show her the love she craves (of course not before handling her past, so that she can have a future).  And a mother who wants very much to accomplish dreams will go after them, while cutting back or off those things that keep hindering her.  From Internet surfing to finding a caretaker for her child, she no longer makes excuses--she just does what is needed!

You don't need a step-by-step guide on motivating yourself to do some things differently in your life.  All you really need is the passion to put what it is you sincerely want to do in your life in front of you each day and work at it.  Think of that thing you want to do most.  Now if it is like a need to go to the bathroom, you would just get up and do it without thinking, right?  Well, you have to treat that task like it is important and do it without pondering deeply on it or you will talk yourself out of getting that thing accomplished. 

"When?" says Self.
"Now. I need to do it."
"How?" says Self. 
"Create a plan.  Do it."
"What will people think?" says Self. 
"Not your concern. Do it."
"Who will help?" says Self.
 "Is it really necessary to get anyone else involved at this point?  Just do it!"

Let your cry be the motivation to get what you desire most, done!

Nicholl McGuire also shares information on all related things about organizing here. 

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Mom is Aging, Impatient, Rude and Forgetful

The older we get, the worse we could potentially come depending on how our body feels, the support system or lack thereof around us, and financial challenges.  A mom shared that her mom was aging, struggling with Alzheimer's and she just couldn't take it anymore.  So she looked to outside help.

You know you better than anyone, so if you are dealing with an aging parent and all that comes with her, you will have to do whatever it takes to be at peace and ensure the parent's safety.  Unfortunately, for those who prefer to fight with Mom, rather than do what is in the best interest of her while keeping your sanity, here are some tips.

1.  List her mental and physical issues and start seeking out the support groups in your area to help.  There are various non-profit organizations that key in on certain issues while there are churches who have an extensive resource list of available help.

2.  Talk to mom about your concerns when things aren't so tense.  Not everyday is an awful day for mom even though she might claim otherwise.  When she is less nervous, argumentative, stressed, etc.  speak truth and watch how you talk to her.  Leave name-calling and yelling out of the conversation.  If you can't do it, converse with a sibling who might be better equipped to have a heart-to-heart with mom.

3.  Find the time to visit Mom only when you are up to it and don't always bring your children.  Some mothers are battling with PMDD, post-partum, menopause and other health issues, so the last thing you want to do is be in stuck in the room with a miserable Mom who is still angry about someone or something.  Watch your calendar and plan conversations and visits with Mom when you are less stressed.  When a Mom is going through much difficulty, the last thing you want to do is put your children in the line of fire or witness the two of you go at it.  Limit the amount of time you spend with your mother and if you aren't in the mood to cook, clean, or do whatever else needs to be done, enlist some help without causing problems between siblings and others.  If they don't want to help, so be it, they have a right to feel the way they do.  Find other sources.

4.  Ignore Mom's negative attitude and mean-spirited behavior when you know she is mentally-ill.  What will arguing with her resolve?  Remind yourself, "One day Mom is going to die and I don't want to have any regrets...I did the best I could."

5.  If you have already been angry, ugly, and crazy acting with Mom, forgive yourself, apologize to Mom, but move on.  Pay closer attention to your emotions and create some space between you and your Mom so that you won't dishonor her again.  But if you should, make peace and ask your Creator for guidance.

One of the saddest cries that any son or daughter can have is when Mom is gone.  Live your best life with Mom now, so that you will be at peace when she is no more.

Nicholl McGuire

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Arguments: You Cried Again Over What He Said, He Did

Being a mother is challenging, but being a mother with children and a partner/husband can take its toll to the point that you are lying on your back in a hospital bed wondering, "What just happened...why am I here?  When will I stop letting that man get the best of me!?"

I have witnessed some of the most content mothers and grandmothers without men.  Let me repeat, without men.  They rather be alone then to cry over yet another man who simply refuses to do right by his family.  One mother of six shared with me, "I have been hurt by men so much that I would be afraid to be with one now, I just might kill him...I wouldn't want him around my kids either...he just might not love them, and then that's when I would have to hurt him."  This is a woman who truly knows herself.  But far too many women choose to focus on what they hope to become rather than what they now are.  If you have little patience, time, or need for a man, why bother?  Why bring him around your children?  Why settle for someone who has a proven record of selfishness and isn't into his own children much less anyone else's? 

Picture this, you are in the kitchen preparing a meal and notice your partner/husband's cell phone flash on the table near you and there it is, a message on the screen that you and I both know isn't a typical work sounding message.  In a moment, just like that, your stomach churns, you stop cooking, and now someone has some explaining to do.  After repeated arguments, you find out far more than you wanted to know and now you are crying.

With so much temptation on the Internet, it isn't any wonder that so many couples end up in divorce court.  Imagine this, you are minding your own business on the Internet and decide to look up something you saw yesterday, yet instead of finding what you viewed in Internet history, you see that your partner is up to no good.  Now your head hurts, your heart aches, and you are surfing for an attorney online with tears in your eyes.  Enough is enough!

From a partner loving everyone else but you to parenting blues when it comes to raising children, what more are you doing these days besides crying?

The father of your children curses, lies, makes false promises, covers up his Internet activity, pretends to care for you in public (so that men including his friends won't think twice), stares at other women, talks about you to other women (including mom), and claims that he believes in a Creator...yet the writing on the wall says, "This is it. Stop crying.  Your struggle is no more."

The yelling, name-calling, throwing things, and crying does nothing!  It only upsets you and creates further distance in your relationship.  Children become worried that one day something or someone is going to get hurt, walk away, or they are going to miss out on a favorite toy or pet as a result of mom and dad not getting along.

One can cry, she can complain, but once the fuss is over, you have to ask yourself, "What do I want?  It is obvious that the man isn't going to change, so what should I be doing?"  Here is a list to help get you started:

1.  Save money, spend less.

2.  Maintain or get better employment.

3.  Sell what you have to get what you want.

4.  Live where you want to live.

5.  Take up a hobby that builds up your self-confidence and uplifts you spiritually.

6.  Pray, fast and read words of wisdom.

7.  Connect with successful women who are at peace with their life decisions with or without a man.

If you believe in a Creator, then you must know that you can't hear from Him when you are yelling and you can't see him when your eyes are blinded with tears.

Nicholl McGuire is a blogger, author and YouTuber, listen to inspirational and convicting messages at http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7 

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The Child Who Loves to Exaggerate - How to Put a Stop to It

Do you have a little exaggerator in your family?  This is the child who makes stories better or worse than what they are.  The fantasy always sounds and looks better than reality in his or her eyes.  The little person seeks attention with her story-telling, enjoys the reaction he or she receives from listeners, and is testing his or her communication skills on anyone willing to listen.  The individual may one day be a writer, teacher, actor, or someone in a creative field.  Yet, exaggerating something is not good when it comes to basic communication. 

For instance, when a parent is looking to seek the truth about a matter, exaggeration is no different than lying.  Most people don't want to hear anything that makes something look worse than what it is.  Someone who is already upset about something doesn't want to have to hear things that are simply untrue whether the story-teller is a child or not.  Those who have been offended by a child's exaggerations will expect the parent to deal with the child.

So what to do?

Parents will need to teach children the difference between fantasy and reality, nonfiction and fiction, and the difference between lie and truth.  Test the child to see if what you have said resonates in his or her little brain.  Parents will also need to train your child to not only communicate better, but utilize good listening skills.  This might include reading and writing exercises, listening to recordings and then allowing for discussion, and question and answer sessions. 

You may or may not know whether your child is exaggerating an event; therefore, you will need the child to repeat the story.  Stop him or her mid-sentence when something doesn't sound right and ask him or her, "Why did you just say that?"  This will challenge him or her to think before he or she speaks.  You will also need to question others who may have witnessed what the child claims to have experienced.

When the child refuses to tell the truth, you should scold him or her and take away favorite items for each lie told.  You should also tell your son or daughter to think about what he or she said and make apologies whether verbally, through service, or in other ways to make wrongs right with offended individuals.

It is unfortunate that so many parents don't bother to admonish or correct children who exaggerate circumstances, stories, and more, but when you know that you have an exaggerator in your camp, don't hesitate to expose him or her before things get out of hand.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, and other books.  You can visit a parenting blog that she maintains here.