Reflections of Motherhood

Don't Lie...You Don't Have the Money to Pay for That!

Spending money you don't have because you can't bear to see disappointed faces on Christmas and other holidays.  But the truth of the matter is you don't have it to give!  You really can't afford to acknowledge anyone's birthday, wedding, Christmas, New Year's event--nothing!  Back to school just passed and you are still paying off debt.  So what can you do?  Here's a tip, keep making money and paying off bills.

This is the reality for many mothers who are trying real hard to make their homes fun.  Most men know that when they can't pay for something, they have no problem saying,  "No, honey."  But it is the women who oftentimes buy the holiday decor, celebrate this event and that one, show off new purchases, and make the household happy and bright!  If they don't, in some cases the same man who isn't giving up one dollar is saying, "It just ain't Christmas!"  Now, that's wrong!  My sisters who are tearful this holiday season, stop upsetting yourself!

Some of my readers have been crying over one issue or another for years, and holiday time is one of the most troubling times of year.  Loved ones have died, people are sickly, money is funny, and children can be even more challenging to parent, because of all of the brainwashing from school to the TV.  Women with children, women without children, divorced women, cheating women, women being cheated on, newly married women...they all have issues around this time of the year, the ones they can see, and the ones they can't until months later.  The sudden job loss shows up, relationship difficulities, troubled children, cheating partners, and more after a so-called happy season of debt, smiles and good food--really, that's it?  Then what do some women do?  They lie.  They lie about having money when they don't.  They lie about how much money they spent on purchases.  They lie about being happy, when they are not.  They lie about who they received a gift from and where they have been all afternoon.  They lie about their health, job, and whatever other lie they use to cover up the last lie.  And they can't afford any of the lies!

Tis the season my friends, tis the season!  Many women who haven't started Christmas shopping or decorating, don't!  Go into the New Year paying off debt, not creating it.  It will only be a matter of time that the debt issues will surface and someone in your family won't be happy.  "Well, I will deal with that later, thanks for the advice.  Now on with the show," an unwise woman says.  But rather than do that, consider what the new year might bring because of what you do today, tomorrow, and as it gets closer to the 25th.  Are you promised your job next year?  Is it really worth buying into media lies?  For believers reading this, I challenge you to think, "Will the lies of Santa and other false stories like how much you spent shopping sincerely bring you peace in your home and money increase or will Satan?"  Be wise this holiday season, stop spreading lies right along with false cheer.

Nicholl McGuire


   

Do You Know a Frustrated Bread Winner and Caregiver?

She works almost six days a week at work and everyday at home, a frustrated breadwinner isn't the least bit happy these days. Her husband works overtime sometimes, but his money just isn't enough to cover most bills. He often comes home with little on his mind but a remote control and TV, video gaming console, or computer screen. The children are in need of help with homework, a ride to yet another extracurricular activity, while a relative or friend is calling on the cell phone sharing one issue or another, her husband isn't very helpful. It's only a matter of time when the two will argue yet again about relationship challenges, money problems, and his hobbies.

Frustrated bread winners and caregivers are gradually created, they just don't become irritated, bitter, or abusive overnight.  The frustration began when a promise was broken, when trust was violated, when selfish pleasures and material wealth became more important than family, when disappointments came all-too frequently, the smile turned upside down didn't come back for the crying breadwinner and caregiver.

Some husbands/boyfriends convince others that a partner is just a real you know what and will look for sympathy, but a discerning listener will avoid the temptation to side with a critical man who finds watching TV more important than spending quality time with his family, going out doing what he wants to do, and whatever he feels floats his boat. Maybe one doesn't know how he or his wife truly live, but time surely tells!

A woman who is spending more money than she is bringing in, while taking great care to buy her mate and children, is going to cry broke more than others. She too will look for someone to tell her, "It's okay, you are a good woman. He just doesn't appreciate you..." But before you do, consider the role she is playing, what she has permitted her mate to do and not do over the years, and what sacrifices she has yet to make to restore balance for herself and on the home front.

Know-it-all, stubborn women, who think more of themselves than a Creator, will defend their poor life decisions--they will scream, curse, gossip, and ignore whistleblowers.  Sure, she is frustrated, might even be suicidal, but until she is willing to make necessary adjustments in her life to bring peace, she will remain upset. In time, her complaints, concerns, and thoughts about "Why my husband/boyfriend always..." will get old and family and friends will stop listening to her stories and offering assistance especially when they are often inconvenienced by her requests to "help, show support, donate, give, be there."  Loved ones will start to think, "Why should I keep watching these children while she works/goes places, when her husband is right at home? Why does she say she is going to do this and that and never does it? Why does her and her husband claim to make so much money, yet are always struggling, I'm not buying another thing for them!" Advisers warn the angry breadwinner and caregiver about many things like:  spending too much money on frivolous things, too much errand running, too many hours at work, too little free time, too much arguing, not enough compromising...and yet still nothing changes on the homefront--NOTHING!  Her issues, become everyone else's issues. 

Year one, year two, year three goes by of her relationship with a significant, and issues grow into bigger ones. People get older, less patient, forgetful, and easily irritated over just about anything, and all the frustrated bread winner and caregiver can think of is, "Now when is God going to call me home?" She might as well stop wishing for death, and make some changes personally, professionally and with those who she claims to love. 

It is unfortunate, but this blog, as well as other writings elsewhere, have warned repeatedly, "Slow down mothers, you are dying before the men," but do they really ponder what is being said, do they?   Everything the husband/boyfriend, children, relatives, friends, and what these mothers do is so very "important and needs to be done right now...and I can do it, and everyone needs me, and I am the great all powerful...and I have to, I must do,"  the frustrated mother proclaims! 

My question to her is this, so who will do everything once she dies?

Nicholl McGuire, author When Mothers Cry.  Hear spiritual audio by Nicholl here.