Mothers Who Love Their Children Too Much

Is there such a thing as a mother loving her children too much?  Those of you who have witnessed a mother lie, cry, or even die for her children know exactly what loving a child too much means.  It doesn't matter that the child is wrong when it comes to relating to others, repeatedly manipulates a parent to get what he or she wants, and does other things that even God would have to come down from heaven and personally spank the child for, mom loves her baby.

A mother who chooses to love her child beyond words is alright with me until her motherly love becomes a problem for me.  What if this "I love my baby" mama has a child who needs to be disciplined for doing something to mine and she refuses to do it?  What if her sweetie ends up stealing from me?  What if cutie pie cusses me out in front of my children?  It's alright with her, huh?  For this same mom will turn around and say, "What did you do for my child to react that way to you?"  Notice she doesn't blame her child. 

I can speak to this issue of a mother loving her children too much, because I realize that I was headed down that track of loving my children so much that the lines of good and bad started blurring.  I loved out of guilt for being away from them for a time, for divorcing dad, and for frequently being short with them, because my job was more important.  I also witnessed other mothers go overboard for their children out of guilt as well.  It didn't matter that I was putting myself in further debt to meet their needs.  I didn't think much if I was arguing with their father over what they did or didn't do.  I couldn't care less about the criticism I received from others even when my children were in the wrong. 

When I finally decided to sit down and reflect on my actions (or in-actions,) I realize that what I saw myself doing concerning my children I didn't like too much and I became fearful of what they may or may not become in the future.  So I took my Bible out, prayed and started making time in my schedule to read and pray with them more.

I recall a friend telling me that her mother would do any and everything for her "good-for-nothing brother."  I personally watched for years a mother beg and borrow for her children.  Sometimes I was told to "shut-up" or "be quiet" about what I saw.

It shouldn't take a mother losing her bank account, home or freedom to realize that she loves her children too much.  I understand that many moms will give their right arm for their children, but I no longer see that as a noble thing to do.  If we teach our children to be responsible, respectful, and independent, we wouldn't have to give up any of our limbs.  It's interesting because some of the mothers I have encountered who went above and beyond for their children, aren't getting the same in return.  Now they are bitter and bad mouth their adult sons and daughters regularly.

I remember listening to a group of mothers exchanging stories about confrontations they were involved in regarding their children.  They said things like, "If that b#$^&, would have put her hands on my child I would of...I don't play with no one messing with my child...I wish someone would bother my child..."  I could relate to a mother protecting her cubs, but when my cub is hard-headed and keeps defying me, well there comes a point when some things he will have to learn for himself.  Sure, I will do what I can to keep him from the hot stove, but if he insists on seeing what it feels like, at some point I won't be around to stop him.

As much as we, as mothers, don't like to take others' advice and at times we think we know-it-all, sometimes we need to look at that person in the mirror who may be:  graying prematurely, picking up a lot of weight (or losing a lot) due to stress, receiving complaints from others about our children, and overdrafting a bank account or two for our children, that we seriously need to make changes or else we won't be around to love our children.

Nicholl McGuire