Moms We Guide Them to the Track but We Can't Run for Them - They will never learn if we do

Sometimes parenting is like running on a track, you win some and you lose some.  We hope that our children grow up and make us proud, but they have got to not only want to run the race but win too.  Even if they don't win, at least finish the race!

Stressed Mothers - Being Everything to Everyone

Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years - How I Avoided the Holidays for Over a Decade

You would think a wife and mother of four sons would be all in for the holidays year after year after year.   Throw in the in-laws and one's own family and now you have a cesspool of money spent, stress levels reaching unknown levels, and some of you all know the rest.  But I avoided all of that for over a decade and here's how I did it.

1)  I stated my thoughts about the holiday season and let people know upfront I didn't have the time or money to acknowledge their requests for gifts.  My reasons for not celebrating ranged from spiritual to financial.

2)  I didn't encourage my children to ask myself or others for gifts.  Why would I do that when I was already meeting their needs throughout the year?  If they wanted anything they could ask other times of the year rather than burden others during a time when they were already financially strapped.  Those narcissistic individuals could never blame us that we were selfish, ungrateful, greedy, or needy after the holidays like they did with others.

3)  I didn't accept invites to holiday gatherings nor did I volunteer my services when I knew full well that holidays wasn't my thing.

4)  I redirected my money toward bills that needed to be paid and timed large payments and payoffs accordingly so that I wouldn't be tempted to buy anything during the holiday season.

5)  I didn't spend my hard-earned money decorating the halls while the fathers (two) of my children held on to theirs for personal spending and retirement.

6)  I made no promises or commitment to anyone that I would be buying anything for them now or in the future.

7)  I made myself unavailable to receive phone calls near that time so that I wouldn't be guilted by the manipulative ones about being a Scrooge, mean or whatever other label they put on me.  Too much disrespect, so-called joking, and I cut them off.

You can utilize these tips and find peace for you and your household in the short and/or long term.  It isn't going to be easy implementing most of these tips in your life when you have already spoiled everyone with your gift-giving.  However, once you start setting boundaries early on, you will find that you aren't stressed like others during the holiday season.  Besides, one of the major things I did (save the best for last) was I prayed and allowed God to direct my steps.  Of course, you won't be immune to the holiday planning, gift-giving, and other things that occur year after year for always, but what you will escape is the drama and trauma brought on by self and others during the holidays because you simply choose to rise above it while moving far away from idol worship!

Happy holidays!

Nicholl McGuire

Halloween Fun and Foolishness

I didn't see puberty coming.  It came too fast! Two of my four sons are going through it.  From the cracking voices to the occasional comments about something changing, growing, aching, or downright annoying!  They are content one day seated in front of their gaming devices and angry the other wanting to beat each other up.  Dull days are few and far in between in my household especially this past Halloween.  The devil was busy!  Leading up to the holiday, the atmosphere seemed tense.  You felt like something was about to happen but you didn't quite know what it was.  The unseen and unexplained challenging moments in a day tend to show up sometimes with a clue to brace yourself, but not always those full blown signs to take cover.

Let me start by saying that Halloween is not a holiday I like or celebrate, but this year was different.  I felt pressured by the children the night before when they were rattling the door knob while I took a shower.  They were making random noises to jolt a scare.  These boys were all-too-excited for no apparent reason, and I simply didn't connect the dots at first, oh yea, Halloween.

Well, I wasn't taking their scare tactics lightly, oh no!  The tables were going to turn like they did on Friday the 13th back in 2017.  Back then they tried to scare me again, waiting for me to come out the bathroom while one son yelled at the door in a creepy voice, "Hey Mom, are you in there pooping, ha, ha, ha!"  You can check the short movie out, their fear was real, see here.  Well if I was, I wouldn't have a pleasant bowel movement of peace and quiet, now would I?  I came out that bathroom to a pitch black house just the light from the bathroom shined in the hallway.  Uh oh.  So they wanted to play games in the dark, well let's begin!  Let's just say by the time I was finished with them, they didn't try anything else again until this year.

October 30th I made sure that I moved through the house like a track star.  All lights cut off, doors semi-cracked, and the sounds of thumping and bumping with a periodic pause in between.  They thought they were ready for me with their creepy music and their flickering lights.  A loud "booh" and a scream, sent them running in the dark.  Of course, it was a dangerous game, someone could get hurt.  Well there was a lesson to be learned when a child attempts to scare his mother while at the same time just having fun.

I caught the youngest coming up the stairs.  I laid low and watched him through the staircase.  He looked up and there I was with a loud, "Booh!"  He tripped down the stairs and caught himself by catching the rail.  The middle son decided to boldly walk over to the basement door assuming that I may not be there, that was just too obvious so he thought.  He opened that cracked door, didn't he know from watching thrillers you don't go to a dark opened door?  There I was, "Booh!"  Shook him enough and he too took off running.  Then there was my second eldest standing at about 6'2" so he thought he had more courage than them all, well he didn't!  He practically knocked his brothers over running to the bathroom to lock himself in.  The eldest son wasn't a part of the action he has his own place now, "lucky" or I mean blessed for him--lol.

For years, I told these kids about Halloween, but sometimes you have to show them, better than you can tell them.  I'm grateful that no one got hurt.

Nicholl McGuire

The Spider Mother - based on Nicholl's book Tell Me Mother You're Sorry