Many children experience a subtle form of power and control exerted upon them by manipulative fathers with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). While smiling, pretending as if they are loving, kind and sweet, narcissistic fathers will do and say things to feed their egos. They have little concern about their children's feelings and desires particularly when they conflict with their goals, revenge, and personal supply of wanting to feel good and look right before the eyes of people in their social circle and elsewhere. Mothers who are unaware of the signs that their partners' or exes' egos are larger than life will overlook how mean-spirited these men can be with them, children and others. By any means necessary, the narcissist will use children and anyone else for selfish gain in the form of wealth, emotional supply, travel, and anything else he wants. Victims enable these type of men. But what they fail to realize is there is never an ending to meeting the demands of some of these mentally disturbed men who refuse to face the fact that there is something wrong in the way they think and behave with others.
Whether you live with the narcissist father or you don't, chances are if children are visiting or living with him, they are being exposed to his foolish mindset. A constant need for attention, the egoist is insulting, shaming, and acting evilly with children who don't tow the line while blaming you or someone else for all that goes wrong and everything that goes right, they credit themselves or select favorites even when some of their toting is unfair and inaccurate. Further, the narcissist is behaving in ways that anger children, pitting them against one another, and doing other things that annoy them especially when it comes to sons and daughters wanting relationships with other parents and relatives. The constant denials, manipulation and control by these narcissistic fathers will eventually cause children to resent them.
This is why it is crucial to pay attention to the signs that a child or children are being mistreated by narcissistic fathers. Be sure to remain active in their lives come hell or high water, because sooner or later they are going to need some help.
1.
Change of heart. Is your child often talking about getting away from dad whereas before he or she didn't mind living or visiting with him or her?
2.
Reaching out to others. Has your child verbalized concerns with school staff, relatives and others about the narcissistic parent? Did the child communicate how the counselors and others started looking at him or her as having a mental problem rather than investigating the parent?
3.
Nervousness, anxiety. Does your child feel as if he or she is walking on egg shells when speaking with the parent and worry often about the father punishing him or her for talking about the NPD parent and others?
4.
Depressed. Is the parent often getting angry or defensive with the child behind closed doors and sometimes in public leaving the child feeling depressed, angered or emotionally withdrawn?
5.
Hateful feelings. Does the child say things that express disdain for his or her father?
6.
Nonchalant. Is the father putting his selfish needs before the child's needs while one's son or daughter doesn't feel like the parent cares? Children tend to act just as uncaring with others as well.
7.
Failing grades, loss of interest in once loved activities. Has the father acted harshly with the child about things like school conduct, sporting performances, and more?
8.
Fighting, sexual promiscuity, substance abuse and other addictions. Has your child exhibited erratic behavior, communicated strange thoughts, or did some shocking things?
Not only do you want to interview your child, but also find out of the child has been abused by him or a partner, someone outside the home, has access to a father's alcohol or drugs, or started watching his pornographic material. A father who spends many hours at work has no clue what a child is up to while he is away and don't believe his smokescreens that he uses to distract you from what is really going on in his dwelling.
Narcissists are very selfish and controlling individuals. In addition, they are needy for attention, act in ways to belittle others while esteeming themselves as the doting father, caring, and wanting what is best for children when in all actuality these things are untrue. These men are more concerned about how children make them look. Educators, judges, law enforcement, and even members of the father's own family don't suspect how prideful, threatening, and vengeful these men can be when they are set on attacking their exes for old and new, don't get their way in court or when a child has made them look bad before others. Their mindset is often "someone is going to pay for this..."
If you know someone like this, get your supportive network together, plan your battle accordingly, and do not ever let a narcissist know your plans now or in the future. Let the authorities deal with him if you suspect he is violent. Record all contact, make necessary arrangements to meet with school officials and anyone else connected to your child, and never ignore your son or daughter's pleas for help!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of
Say Goodbye to Dad and
other books.
