5 Things to Avoid Doing When You Are Stressed with Partner and Children

You know what you can and cannot tolerate when it comes to stress, but sometimes you forget and end up doing and saying some things you really shouldn't.  So when you are aware that you feel like your head is about to explode and people, places and things are irritating you, why put yourself in settings and volunteer to do more things that are only going to worsen your condition?  What might you be guilty of doing now that could possibly be aiding your headaches and keeping your nerves on edge?

1.  Taking on more responsibilities outside the home.

When someone or something beckons your attention, know whether or not it is necessary to address the need right then and there, most often it is not.  But pushy people will make you feel like you need to do everything right now.

2.  Shopping with children when you don't really have to.

Is it necessary to bring children along when you shop?  Sending someone who is already going to the store or out and about to get a few things for you is so much easier than packing everyone up and hauling them out.  Besides, you know you will end up spending more money than you want toting the team around.  "I'm hungry...Could we stop there?  Mom, I want that...Mom, he's bothering me!"  You know how the children can be sometimes.

3.  Helping a partner with his or her tasks when you know you can't or just don't want to.

You are still a good wife/girlfriend even when you say, "No, honey.  I really can't help right now.  I just don't feel well...I need to unwind.  I have too much on my mind right now."  Then go be alone for awhile.

4.  Staying on the phone or Internet for hours at a time listening or reading about someone else's troubles.

It isn't any wonder you are on edge?  Throw in the issues at work and you just might explode on someone.  Best to chill out.

5.  Discussing your problems with those who can't help you in the least.

Can loved ones and friends really help relieve your stress?  If you believe they can, then why not take them up on their offers of "If you need anything..."  Tell them what you need.

You have different rooms in your residence for good reason, use one and give yourself a time out.  You have shut off buttons on electronic devices, use them.  You have one mouth and two ears, do more listening (like sitting still and listening to your Maker) and less talking.  Find ways to alleviate your stress in the future if it means delegating more responsibilities at work (like take a day off) and home (like ridding yourself of unnecessary things that no longer solve problems).  Also, think about cutting back from civic group involvement.  Further, tell your children that you can't keep running to every game, performance, etc.  If they are getting to be too much, consider canceling the activities.  Enlist the help of others who can come out and show their support if this isn't an option for you.

Far too many women run themselves ragged trying to be everything to everyone and unfortunately they end up not being the nicest people to be around.  Partners talk of divorce, children bad mouth their mothers, and others become distant.  Monitor your stress levels and know when to pull back a bit from life.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, Say Goodbye to Dad, and other books.

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Superhero Mothers, Mother-in-laws and Stepmothers Cause More Problems than Create Solutions

She believes she is doing a service to humanity by buying things for all, working long hours, organizing home, planning special events, volunteering cooking almost daily, helping in-laws, and babysitting her mate's children and possibly grandchildren.  Look it isn't a bird or a plane...it's Superhero Mom who thinks she can leap over tall buildings in a single bound!

As much as some believe that they can do all things and that nothing is lacking, needing attention, or minor improvements, the truth is the more a mom adds to an already full schedule the likelihood that she fails at something increases.  For example, more focus on parenting and less on activities will help quell angry outbursts from tweens and teens. 

From being tardy to most appointments to forgetting to do essential things, Mother's excuses begin to fall on deaf ears and in time she is viewed as Super Trouble.  People don't want to spend much time with a stressed mother, in-law or stepmother who is overwhelmed with activities and responsibilities.  They distance themselves when she is often tired and saying things she has no business.  They begin to lose faith and trust in her.  Is it really necessary to fill one's day with so much to the point that children's health care needs are overlooked, a husband can't get a decent meal, and a household is often left in disarray?

Children usually are talked into or forced to participate in extracurricular activities by adults, but typically they aren't much interested as we would like to think if you were to overhear their conversations or read their messages online about what their parents want them to do; rather than what they truly enjoy.  They are persuaded to get pets and told to attend special events because friends will be there.  They are lured into volunteering for projects and fundraisers with a promise of a cool reward if they do well.  Some mothers operate just like children, "Okay, I'll do it...Will I get that freebie, my name on a plaque, a cool toy, a pat on my back from my husband and children...?  Sure, mark my name down." 

Running around like chickens with their heads cut off, many of these busy mothers aren't sincerely engaging with anyone.  It is more about recruitment, networking, being a busybody, etc.  They look through you, over you or around you when they talk.  They aren't truly listening before advising.  Their minds are racing and so are their hearts.  In time, someone is lying on her back taking selfies on her phone asking her social network, "Please pray for me."

Now I don't mean to sound cold, but what I am about to say is convicting and may irritate a few moms, but the truth is when the writing is on the wall for you to slow down, just take a look in the mirror at yourself and do it!  Offensive things that you wouldn't ordinarily say or do slip out when you are doing too much.  Your body weight increases because you aren't watching portion sizes, exercising, eating at consistent times, and popping unhealthy things in your mouth like you are a teenager again.  "I'm okay," they say.  There are those moms who are starving themselves to death.  You can see the veins protrude out of their necks and their legs look weak as if they can barely keep their bodies up.  "Well, I'm healthy," the mom says defensively often in a rush.  Meanwhile, her friend cries out, "I'm fine too" while she eats everything she shouldn't before noon. Tell that to the steadily widening face, arms, ankles, thighs, and more she likes to sit down and rest on for hours.  Explain these things to one's lungs who are trying to fill with air while they carry far too much weight than they can handle, or the excuses a skinny woman makes who often complains about being so weak and cold.  Your body is talking, but are you listening?  Most likely not--no more than you did when a parent wanted to share a story with you while you ignored her and watched your child performing.

I think of some deceased, conceited mothers who thought that they were so special, very important and needed to be honored because they just had so much going on and did so much for everyone, but notice I said they are deceased and as I indicated in my book, When Mothers Cry, years ago, most of their partners have outlived them.  Something to think about. 

Is it really necessary to have weekly, monthly or annual events and then cry broke afterward or curse others because they don't have the time or energy to dedicate to one's grandiose ideas?  Do you really need to buy gifts for your family, the teacher, the preacher, etc. every single holiday and then fuss with your husband and others about finances yet again?  Does one's child have to be a part of every activity that comes up?  Do you have to participate in every civic group event dragging your family along even when they don't want to go, then on the way back to the car (after the service) you act ugly toward them?  Are you really making life worth living when you are often stressed, and dare I say it, controlling around your family? 

For some mothers, in-laws and stepmothers, the truth is some of your kinfolk is sick of you and you probably heard it through the grapevine.  They talk badly about you, because you have spent years boasting, exaggerating, talking too much about you and your family, money, new purchases, investments, etc.  They don't like you very much, not because they are haters, but because you have showed them far too often your tired, emotional, angry, and/or impatient dark side by making flippant comments and displaying a prideful posture around them.  Pride isn't cute, cursing to people's faces or behind their backs or giving people intimidating stares isn't kind either.  Watch what you are teaching children, Mothers!  People get tired of the foolishness! 

So prepare yourself mentally and get your adequate rest because you are going to do what you always want to do anyway and then end up crying about all that you do later, argue with your spouse and do other mean-spirited things while your family just eye rolls, pouts and deep sighs once again.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books.

    

 

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