Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire Excerpt Chapter 9

Mothers and Stepmothers - Competition is None

What is the use talking badly about the mother of children regardless of her title?  Why bother to tell everyone how much money you spend, what you bought for the kids, and everything else to make your Facebook page look important?  Yet some mothers and stepmothers are guilty of this!  Outsiders looking in, especially the childfree, see that mother and stepmother are doing the best they can, but they can also see when one or both are acting evilly.

Move the egos out the way competitive women!  Allow those mothers (grandmothers, step-mothers, play mothers, god mothers, mother-in-laws, etc.) in your life some breathing room.  The problem with school breaks, major and minor holidays as well as other child related activities is that competitive, insecure women don't know when to stand down primarily because the men in their lives aren't speaking up.  So the mother from the original family gets an upper hand or is forgot about, treated poorly, etc. (depending on the situation) while the stepmother turns controlling or is frequently disrespected, because the heads of households or supposedly the heads (fathers) are not handling their business right from the start!

A child should never feel like he or she can't talk to their biological mother and a stepmother shouldn't be made to feel like she is being used.  But all too often this happens, because men, seeking substitutes for children, sell the new women in their lives a bag of false gold.  Before long, the biological mother is wondering, "What the h*ll is going on?"  Those women who are proactive in the lives of their children will not always play nicely or fairly.  There will be moments where these moms will stand on their soapboxes and express their feelings and so will other mother figures.  "Playing nicely ladies..." just won't cut it coming from the well-wishers.

Far too often, women let lazy, controlling, or downright ignorant men get away with much and then when the going gets tough, the guilty parties remove themselves from all circles of confusion that could have been prevented.  Instead of Dad picking up and dropping off children, he is allowing the stepmother, who is already insecure, to show up at the doorstep of his former partner.  Rather than Dad reaching an understanding with the mothers in his life when it comes to children, he pits them against one another by talking negatively about each.

Wake up women and don't let these devious men come between you, your children and grandchildren!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and Say Goodbye to Dad.

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Competitive Mothers - Why Do They Think They Need to Prove Anything?

She tells you about everything she is into, shares about her children's achievements almost daily (especially on Facebook), mentions "what you ought to or should do" if she feels the least bit worried you are doing better than her.  You realize the competitive Mom is competing with you, because for every one statement you make, she has three or four that sounds better than yours or worst depending on how she thinks.

Some mothers don't realize they are not making friends when they act in boastful ways.  They don't bother to think how they make others feel when they dominate conversations talking about all they and children do.  It isn't any wonder that most of their friendships come to a swift end.

When I first came across some competitive mothers, I didn't have any children at the time, so I couldn't relate to conversations where mother talks about what she has, where she has been and what her children are up to, etc. a mile a minute.  But what I did hear in those boring conversations (for a young person back then) were jealous, insecure women who felt that they had to prove that they were "good," "better," "know better," etc.  They were oftentimes jealous of others especially those of us (in the past) who had no children and was able to do much with our free time.  At times these women were insecure, because their husbands hadn't validated them in years, so along comes attractive 20 something year olds and now they feel they had to teach  the young people a thing or two.  Now this was decades ago for me, but I remember those times. 

Presently with four children of my own, married, and living each day like it's the last one, I have little patience for the braggarts.  We might have parallel lives, but I'm not interested in playing a competitive game of who has it worst or who has it best.  Can we just talk?

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, Say Goodbye to Dad, and other books.

Dysfunctional Parents and Challenging Children - Nicholl McGuire Media, Spreaker