6 Simple Ways to Deal with Controlling, Pushy or Abusive Teachers

Tired of hearing stories from your child about what a controlling teacher supposedly said or did to him or her?  For some of you parents, you doubt the truth about a situation involving your child because he or she might have a history of lying or exaggerating.  However, some parents know better, and find that troubled teachers have a long track record of lying, covering up, and doing other things to stay out of trouble with bosses.  When repeated issues arise between teacher and your child, it's time to listen closely and put your pen and feet to action!

1.  Document what your child has said about the teacher and what you know or observed.

When you notice teachers are often behaving in ways that leave you scratching your head when it comes to your children, note your findings.  Analyze what might have happened to cause a teacher to behave in a confusing or unprofessional way.  List each incident.  Note dates and times your child came home with a story about what his or her teacher said or did to him, her or other students.  Some teachers have health concerns and are on medication that sometimes affect their line of reasoning.  Others are simply tired of dealing with children and are in need of a break.  Some things could be going on with your child as well.  Investigate both sides of the situation before coming up with a conclusion.

2.  Keep copies of any paperwork that will help prove cases of control, pushy, or abusive behavior.

Problematic teachers will slip sooner or later, when they do, be sure you have copies of the paperwork they send home--good, bad and otherwise.  They have your signature on file when you signed homework, permission slips, and more, so you will want to start a file on the teacher.  This  will come in handy later.

3.  Talk with children through your children and other parents.

Sometimes the best source of information are from the children themselves.  Have your child interview his or her friends about what was said or done in the classroom.  If you are able to talk with your child's friend about what he or she witnessed, do so.  Record what you heard.  Two plus stories are better than one.  Talk with parents about their observation, but keep your personal opinion and intentions about the teacher out of the discussion.  You never know how close the parent might be with the teacher.

4.  Ignore repeated requests from the teacher for your assistance and set up meeting(s).

The more cooperative you are with a teacher (for instance, assisting with tasks in the classroom) you claim is trouble, the more you will appear like you are okay with how the teacher is treating your child.  Cut off the friendly, yet personal exchanges; instead, be firm and professional.  Politely refuse requests to assist the teacher with activities.  Don't reply verbally or physically in an insulting manner to the teacher's messages when you notice something you don't like.  Rather, call the individual or see him or her directly about the matter (consider bringing someone along as a witness).  If he or she is responding to your concerns using tactics like: blaming, minimizing, exaggerating or lying, escalate the situation.  Excuse yourself from the meeting and call her boss.  Note the results of your phone or in-person meeting with the teacher.

5.  Report all offensive behavior to boss/principal and other school officials.

Set up a meeting with the teacher first via phone or in-person.  You might want to meet with the principal and possibly include the teacher in on that meeting.  Be sure you have someone or a group with you to show support.  Keep in mind, some school leaders and members of the Parent Teacher Association (PTA) have buddies--those individuals they don't want to get into trouble.  You might want to attend a few PTA or school board meetings first to find out how strong or weak the group is and who might be the friendly connections to the teacher in question.  Find out what others' experiences have been like with the problematic educator.

6.  Consult with attorney and/or police if need be.

Depending on the severity of the situation, you just might want to seek the advice of an attorney and/or police officer.  They can help you determine whether the situation is considered abusive and what your rights are.  Don't mention the teacher's name or others involved at first.  If you do, you might find you are looking in the face of a relative or friend of the person or people in trouble.  So do learn what you can about your rights and only mention names to those you believe you can trust.  Research the name of the attorney or police officer on the Internet and check out Linked In and Facebook connections before sharing specific details about your case.

You will find that as you learn more about the situation with a troubled teacher, you will think of additional ways to deal with him or her as well as other school officials.  The school year is long and as it comes to a close, it seems like it gets longer.  Be encouraged and know that when you are doing what's right, you will have the victory!

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

Pushy Teachers - Parents Push Back

They send far too many fliers home requesting your participation in one activity or another.  They believe the more they ask, the more you will share of your time and money.  They have little regard for the other children you are parenting, the household responsibilities you have, job obligations, bills, and more.  Pushy teachers push parents over the edge with all their criticisms, rules, ideas, schedules, structures-- you name it!  Then they act as if they don't understand why a parent goes off or blows up on them! 

"I have this great idea and I would just love it if the parents would help me with it...Now Jane's mom can buy this...Peter's dad will bring that...Carol's grandma is so sweet, she will help me with the kids...Let's see who hasn't volunteered or gave money yet...hmmm?" Pushy Teacher says.  "I think I will create a flier, send an email, see the parent when he or she picks up the child or drops her off, set up a meeting, tell the child to talk to parent..."  In addition, pushy teachers who don't like that smart kid in the class who questions them on their rights and wrongs or that one who is often disruptive tend to target parents because "I just don't get why the child is always...I really wish the parent would...There are some kids I just don't like..."  Other pushy teachers will turn some children into teachers' pets while hoping they can get teachers' pet parents in the process!  If you don't see through the strategies, you will be taken for your time and money all in the name of loving and caring for your child.  Consider this, are you able to bombard people with communication outside of your workplace to help you with your job/idea/plan for free?  If so, you got yourself some willing volunteers.  But if not, you have to pay someone right?  A person who is somewhat skilled at what you do.  Sometimes it is just best to leave some people alone who have shown little interest beyond getting a child taught and that's it.  A teacher, who is like a used car salesman trying to get everyone who walks through her door to buy this or that, will find out sooner or later that it is best to simply leave some parents/customers alone.

So the emails, the printed fliers, and even your child comes home with messages daily/weekly/monthly from his or her teacher announcing classroom/school projects, holiday celebrations, collaborations with other teachers, needed items for field trips, and more.  It doesn't stop, pushy teachers keep pushing and pushing and pushing!  Discerning parents push back.  They don't permit teachers to run over them or run with their money or time.  They put limits on their giving and in some cases they sit out altogether depending on what is happening at home and elsewhere.  Teachers who are more concerned about accolades, personal achievements, and more could care less about parents' home and work life.  In their eyes, they are slackers, lazy, don't care about their children, and form other judgments when parents aren't like Jane's mom, Peter's dad, and Carol's grandparent who manage to give and give and give some more while hoping their precious children will receive some kind of favor.  Sometimes this works, other times it doesn't.  Familiarity breeds contempt.

As the pressure to push parents and children to do more of this and that increases from educators and others, there will also be some pushing back.  Some teachers use and/or abuse children to get what they want from parents by setting their sons and daughters aside or apart from group activities just because a parent chooses not to volunteer or give money to some grandiose idea/project/holiday event.  It is unfortunate but what might have started off as harmless with some teachers and good for the children will eventually turn ugly as more and more parents consult with school officials and attorneys due to the mental duress children and parents undergo from pushy teachers.  This is a serious issue for many who are already overwhelmed with personal and professional pressures.  It isn't any wonder that some parents flip out on teachers.

The communication for some of these pushy teachers is overkill and oftentimes useless when it is clear that most parents have indicated they are not interested in assisting.  How many letters, emails, text messages, and more does a teacher (turned beggar) have to send out even after parents have said, "I'm sorry this is not a good time...We have other obligations...We are not able to help...Please stop sending my child home telling me what I ought to do...?"

Kudos to the educators who have enough sense to put the brakes on all the unnecessary projects/ideas/event planning etc.  But to the pushy teachers, it isn't any wonder why you don't get the support you do?  The narcissistic teacher, the control freak counselor or principal, the weak PTA or nonchalant school board who refuses to see the writing on the wall when a parent complains will eventually reap for not doing their part when it comes to being understanding about parental plights and rights.

There is no one size fits all parent and not everything at home, work, church, after school, or at school appears to be "normal."  All should keep that in mind.  Push back parents on pushy teachers!  You are not obligated to do anything more then what you're already doing and that is making sure your child is cared for and taught.  Stop feeling guilty when you don't help out with something.  Stop being pressured or bullied into doing things you don't want to do.  Meet your goals, give back when you can, and do what is right.  Children do well in an environment of love and peace, not busyness and stress!

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire, author and blogger of When Mothers Cry and a mother of four sons.

A Touch from Jesus - Pray for Your Children, Show them The Way

Spring Break with Children, School Break Challenges

Well you knew it was coming, days off from school and you hate it!  Look, your secret is safe with me.  For years, I wasn't too happy about spring break either especially when I had two in diapers, one was being breast fed and the other was always into something.  The other two (yes four at home) would sometimes physically and verbally fight.  This is one of many reasons I lean on God to date as a result of motherhood issues.  See my work on YouTube channel nmenterprise7.  So I know what it is like to resent those days off from school particularly when you have little money and no job outside the home.

Spring break with children doesn't have to be too bad when mom makes up in her mind she will not be defeated by crying children, whining tweens and smart-mouthed teens.  You will be strong!  You will find your peace even while you struggle with school break challenges.  Here is a list of things you can do to get through this mentally and physically draining period.

1.  Get up, put your clothes on, and start your day with a sense of purpose.  When you do, you will be ready to do some things with the children when they plead, "Can we go out?  Are we going somewhere today?"

2.  Partner with other mothers or ask a supportive relative to tag along sometimes when you go out.  It makes it so easy when you have someone who can relate and is calm and patient with you and your kids.  Avoid those relatives who will only make you angry and wish that you would have never asked them to help.

3.  List activities you want them to participate in that will do the following:  give you a break, make life easier around the home (like doing chores for starters--more on this later), and won't wear you out!  Those time-consuming craft projects that require adult supervision will burn you out.  Having the children participate in something where you need to be present, a waste of time and money when you have a lot to do.

4.  Chores -- put children to work.  Create another list of everything those hands can do around your home.  From dusting to putting dishes away, everyone should have a task.  Did you see what I had my little ones doing at three and four on YouTube.  If not, see here and here.  This is another video I did as well, When the Kids are Busy Everyone is Happy.

5.  Stretch and exercise.  They can do it and so can you.  Breaks tend to make everyone eat more because the food is readily available and school related events have slowed down.  Afternoons and evenings.  Who says you only need to go out once a day?  Get those children going a couple of times a day--wear them out!  If you can take them to a gym where there is a daycare and you can afford it, do it.

6.  Visit people willing to watch your children or take them along to family events.  You will usually reap the benefits later after they get use to seeing you.  Many grandparents don't like the sudden phone call asking for something or dropping by and leaving children yet there is little conversation.

7.  Check into local recreation and park departments in your town/city to see what activities are taking place.  Go to church and ask members to pray for you and family.  Make time for God, because you will need Him!

8.  Use those rooms in your home and separate children. Anyone who leaves an area will have to deal with you!

9.  Take advantage of gaming devices, video, music, computers, and other things, but don't let them babysit the children for hours and hours.  Set a timer so that you won't forget about them--lol!

10.  Baths, swings, jumpers, music, vacuum cleaner noises, full belly, change of scenery/fresh air, card rides,and frequently changed diapers often helps those fussy babies.  Otherwise, you can stay in a room and pace the floor while crying right along with baby.  If the situation is not under control and other symptoms seem to be getting the best of baby, you will need to make that dreaded doctor's appointment.  See WebMD for health concerns.

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Distant Daughters, Troubled Mothers - No Contact