No One Size Fits All When it Comes to Motherhood Accomplishments, Failures

I have read many articles and blog entries over the years about where mothers should be when it comes to different stages in their lives.  A twenty-something woman has graduated from college and is starting out in her career and quite possibly saving for a future home, retirement, etc., a thirty-something woman has money saved up for a house while hoping to get married and have a baby, and then the forty-something woman is supposed to be stable in her career and ushering children off to college.  Sounds about right for you?  Not hardly.  Most mothers don't fit into these groups the way some of these mainstream news media outlets report.  The information they provide is what they hope the majority would do by using various examples that might inspire many young women to start off in life that appears to be most beneficial: college, career, marriage, children, etc.  But as most of us moms know, our children dictate much of our lives once they are here while they reach milestone after milestone.  There comes a point in our journey where we have to take a step back and let a husband and/or children shine.  How long that occurs we never know depending on what our situations require?  A disabled child, a cheating partner, a crazy parent, debt, extracurricular activities...one never knows when life will settle down long enough for us to say, "Now my turn!" We find ourselves jumping right into achieving goals at times when it appears to be the wrong time when it is really right.

Those career goals you once had changed once you fell in love and had children.  The peace and quiet to do what you want at anytime of the day no longer existed when you moved in with a man or he with you.  Then throw in relatives and friends into the mix and now a daughter or son wants to either stay in the hometown she once grew up or move as far away from it as she possibly can.  Things change sometimes for the better and other times for the worse!  We ride with change or die trying.

Mothers don't come to this blog because they have it all together, they show up with pain in their hearts, frustrated with choices, irritated with spouses and children, and more, but through it all they thrive anyway.  Each challenge presents a life lesson and we either embrace, push back, ignore, fight, or move on!  For we know, only the strong survive!

You and I didn't go through childbirth just to have bragging rights we survived, we went through such a profound experience to be released from all those things that bound us mentally, physically and spiritually.  We were to look at our children and recognize the fact that we are responsible for looking beyond ourselves now, mature, grow, teach, etc. we are to experience another dimension of our existence in this life.  It was never meant to be all painful or all joyous.

I personally think that some mothers have lost sight of who they are as women, mothers, wives and/or spiritual beings.  They have permitted worldly activities to weaken their minds, covetousness and jealousy to divide their hearts, over-eating to slowly kill them, and life challenges to separate them from their Creator and His will for their lives.

There is no one size that fits all mothers and don't let anyone throw you in one big box labeled, "This is what motherhood is supposed to look like."  In addition, there is no chart that can be used to track our progress which tells us, "You have arrived, now do this...and if you don't make it here, then something is wrong with you."

So keep on crying mother, release the pressure, and then get back out there and win at whatever you know you are called to do.  And if you don't know, then you might want to take more time praying, and less time being bombarded with people and things that constantly analyze you.  Meditate on wise books, may I suggest the Holy Bible for starters?

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

Winners, Losers and Playing to Win: Children's Sports and Parents

The tears on my eldest son's face after his team didn't win in the soccer finals, I will never forget.  It was one of those moments that I had to watch my son learn a life lesson after a string of wins, "You win some, and then you lose some."  I didn't comment on the team's mistakes, the fact that my son was one of the hardest working kids out there, or times where I thought a call or two was a bit fishy.
The point was, he was a child that wanted to play a game that was competitive despite adults saying things like, "It's just a game...their having fun...no big deal."  Those comments mean nothing, there are those of us who know all to well about playing to win.

A loss or a win doesn't matter much to those who are use to losing or average performers, but it means everything to those who are born leaders.  Consider the competition in the classroom, at the job, and even when one is online trying to get a date!  You seek for the opportunity, you meet goals/dreams, and you look for that win!  This is why some make good wages while others make just enough to buy bread, milk, eggs, a bit of cheese, etc. while praying that their pay will cover all the bills.  It's a mindset, a discipline, and a desire to win or best when it comes to competing with others. You want to come out ahead!  There is no wrong in that!  Everyday you get up and get out there to run life's race (whatever that might mean to you) the desire is to complete it while you hope for the win and if you don't do well, you get back out there and shoot for the win the next and the next.  Achievers do this!  Goal-oriented people do it!  Millionaires revel in it!  

Most recently, I witnessed yet another life lesson, this time with my third child.  He had won at track running the 50 and 100 meter yard dash, and received two medals to prove it.  While parents who wanted very much for their children to win dismissed their losses with sighs, laughs, encouraging words, or negative comments about other competitors, I saw something arise in my kid I didn't like a couple days later, and that was pride.  A light bulb went off in my head, taken from the Holy Scriptures, "Pride comes before a fall."  His time was coming, he would be humbled, "You win some and you lose some."

We, parents, build our children up, but life will break them down.  We can hope for the best, make light of sports, tell them how proud we are, and do other things to encourage them, but there will be life lessons and some will be harsh.  I think of my second eldest son who had to sit down this past basketball season.  He injured his back prior to, so he had to spend time recovering.  His basketball shots for the camera were put on hold and his bragging about what basketball shoes he was going to get was no more, he had his old ones to view.

There is a season for all things and sometimes parents must take the time out and ask this question, "Is the game really about the child or about you?"  Sometimes parents are missing out or losing at so much: marriages, employment, money, family relationships, dreams, etc. that they use their kids' sports to distract them from the truth.  Rather than win at a personal competition between self and everything else, they put their children out on the field or court while hoping that their child's winning or besting will ease the pain that they are feeling inside.

I ask you this, "Are you losing at something?  How bad do you want to win?"  Ponder the following, "...the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all."  Ecclesiastes 9:11 (KJV).

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

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