Regrets: When Mothers Cry Over The Past

"Why bother? What good is it going to do now?  It's over!  You are free!"  so many mothers with tears in their eyes forget about freedom when their minds are entangled with, "I should have, could have..."

Years ago, I had regrets about dating the wrong people, having children out of wedlock (thanks to self-righteous Christians), leaving San Diego, and other things I really don't want to conjure up at this time, but you know how thinking about the past can be.  But I chose to move on!  I survived through hell and high water!  I wasn't about to let haters who win.  I had accomplished much in life years ago and still working hard to date.  What someone else's perception of me, stopped having influence when I finally made up in my mind, "No more!"  There would be no more attitude, mind games, lies, cover ups and secrets.  God exposed the foolishness anyway.  I was grateful that my past was no longer my present and future.

Let's just be honest, we have some mean people in our families, churches, civic groups, workplaces, and even in our households who honestly believe that they are better than others because of temporal things i.e.) more money, cars, property, etc.  I heard a relative once brag about how she was a home owner and talked negatively about those who rented, she forgot about my situation or didn't care.  I talked to God about her and the braggart attitude.  It wasn't long before she was humbled.

You see, as mothers we can easily go from delivering children out of our wombs to replacing those wombs with stress, sometimes brought on by others.  It isn't any wonder why some moms still struggle mentally, physically and spiritually.  They are still carrying other people's pain in their wombs long after they delivered babies!  These women are still pregnant, but not with life, they are pregnant with sickness while dreams are like amniotic fluid just swaying as they move along in life. These moms are still crying over the past.

Being pregnant with past regret will only make matters worse!  You will go into labor but deliver nothing more than poison if you don't seek a cure for your ills.  Children will look at mom's example and either pity her, take advantage, of her or keep away.  "Mom has issues...honestly, I wish I could be anywhere, but around her.  Why does she act so crazy? What's up with her?" say the children.

Yes, what's up with mom?  Does she even know the pain she is spreading around the family home, at work and elsewhere?  Does any one care about mom?  What can she do to make a difference in her life?  The answer:  Move on!  Work through the pain of the past.  Write down what you want/need and place the note in a Holy Bible or elsewhere.  Then post the steps you need to get there from here. Be honest with yourself behind closed doors.  Don't take anyone's opinion or observation as fact. Envision what other people say placed in a box, buried and then blown up, never to be attached to you again!  Don't be oppressed by what people knew about you when.  You give them power when you do that!

Some of the best medicine for getting over the past is focusing on the present and future.  The things that are in your control.  Whatever you wish to achieve, you will, because every time a negative thought comes into your mind about the past, you will reverse the curse!  You need to start telling yourself, you are loved.  That you are doing the best you can to provide for your family.  You will not be controlled by those who don't appreciate or love you.  Each day that you awake, you are getting closer to the things you want when you keep fighting stinkin' thinkin'!

I recall looking at photographs, walking in the cold with freezing ice coming down my face, and I was angry treading along in that snow near Lake Erie in Cleveland.  I refused to do that anymore!  I made up in my mind--never again.  I looked at every city that didn't have snow after that incident and I picked one.  I ended up in San Diego with my first family tagging along, but later moved to Los Angeles.  I was disappointed about the move later, and at times wished for San Diego because that was the first spot I moved to when I left Cleveland with my family back then in 2004.  I got over the sentiment, because I knew I needed to focus on what Los Angeles had to offer.  I was starting a new life without part of my past and I told myself, "I am a survivor."

When you make up in your mind to do something you really want to do, there is no stopping you! You post the reminders of your tasks.  You sit and stare at your goals.  You come back and do the same whether you do anything or not.  Then one day, you will get tired of doing nothing and will just do it--I'm a witness!  From painting to getting a job, I wanted to get some things accomplished at different times in my life, so I had to get centered--wrap my head around some things.  I had to take a break from the normal routine and sit quietly.  I cut off TV, cell phone, visiting those who didn't support me, and I put limits on doing certain tasks that didn't help toward goals.  To date, I am still in that mode of thinking and I know for some, they don't get it, and I'm not explaining either.  You tell yourself, "I will not be stopped from getting what I intend to get done tonight, today, tomorrow..."

Children, partners, noises outside, hunger, menstrual cycle--you name it and it all is so distracting! These people will want something.  Relatives will call out the blue.  Suddenly busy professionals have time for you and so on.  But just like some of them had to shut you out, make their money, attend their events, sign their names to contracts, and do whatever else, now you are the busy one!

So for those of you who are tired of whining, complaining and even crying about your haves and have-nots, do what you can!  Start supporting yourself!  God bless.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel nmenterprise7.  Chances are you might find out some more discoveries about why you are still entangled with past issues over there--be awakened to truth, it can be a hard pill to swallow!

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Your Lazy Spouse and Children - Tips on Getting them to Help at Home

Many mothers are not only working in or outside of the home, but they are also maintaining the upkeep of the family home and possibly caring for elderly relatives, pets, and assisting others.  Meanwhile husbands sit in front of television screens and children play video games often.  It isn't any wonder that many mothers burn-out and eventually divorce husbands and leave children.  When is enough, enough?

You can't keep playing Super Mom forever, so before you meet with an attorney one Monday morning, you might want to do some things differently in your household.

1.  Stop picking up your children's toys, older sons', daughters' and husband's personal belongings.  Be sure there is a designated place for everyone's things and remind all to put their items there.  If they forget or refuse to, one day put them all out of sight.  You can even put them in a bag and label them "Donation."  This way they will have to ask you what is going on with their stuff and then you can tell them what the consequences are.  As for the spouse, some are too stubborn to do much of anything so in this case, you can always move the items wherever you want.  Of course, this will irritate him, but a gentle reminder like, "Well, I would much appreciate it if you could put XYZ on the shelf, rather than in the middle of the floor."

2.  Avoid cooking when no one wants to wash or put the dishes away.  There are plenty of box items and other things that can go right in the microwave.  Teach your children.  As the dishes pile up, warn everyone that you will not be cooking or cleaning the kitchen.  Resist the urge to do so.  You also will want to take the children's video games or cell phones away during this time; otherwise, you will not get the results you seek.  Once the kitchen is clean, then they can get their gaming and other devices back.  Teaching small children to help out is quite simple, put a small vacuum or dust pan/brush in their little hands and let them go to work.  Give them cleaning rags they can use to wipe walls and cabinets and praise them for helping.

3.  No more treating the family to eating out, celebrating holidays, shopping sprees, and contributing to vacation accounts.  Make your announcement and list why you will no longer be participating in these things. Consider how much money you are saving when you do this too!  Post chores on the refrigerator and tell those who want those things to perform the tasks.  For every one that is done, you will give each individual credit for his or her assistance.  You can define the cost or the reward. 

4.  Stop volunteering to help family members and friends.  From homework to yard work, why are you taking on burdens when no one is assisting you? Stop worrying about what might happen with a child's grades or how your spouse might react to change.  Enlist the help of professional groups and others to help with sickly loved ones.  Consider this, how would your family members react if you were lying on your back in a hospital with tubes up your nose due to family stress?

5.  Put a cap on all the extracurricular activities.  Although they have their pros, there are also many cons with them as well when families are either too busy or too lazy to do anything else that is more important like clean your home, eat healthy, and sleep well.  There are other less stressful ways to keep children active like jogging or walking after dinner.  You can also take them to events based on your schedule not someone else's.  Also, consider the money and time you are investing in these additional activities as well, are they really worth it?  Chances of a scholarship?  As children grow older, they begin to lose interest in what they do anyway and in time, they won't be playing most sports due to responsibilities like: getting a job, maintaining a roof over their heads, and doing other things that you are doing now for them.  So think about cutting back.  Ask yourself, "Am I pushing them because of my own personal dreams rather than letting them decide what they really want?"

6.  Lastly, stop making excuses for why your vehicle and home looks the way it does.  Make the time to get these tasks done, and as mentioned earlier, delegate responsibilities.  Talk with family members on days and times they can assist.  Those that drag their feet on helping, don't get benefits.  Partners who insist on having their way and refuse to assist will realize the consequences sooner or later.  You can't force a husband to do anything, but what you can do is control what you do and don't do for the household.  Remember that.

After meeting with family and posting your task list, observe your family for at least 30 days to see if what you are saying or doing is making a difference.  If not, back to the drawing board, being more firm this time, going over task list and reminding them of the consequences i.e.) No dishes, no dinner.  No cleaning room, no extracurricular activities.  No picking up things, no being able to find them.  No helping me, no asking me for service, etc. 

There will be those relatives who will object, criticize, and act as if the sky is falling, but stand your ground anyway!  And most of all, stop caring so much how they view you and what they might be feeling, you know these people are lazy or you wouldn't have read this post.  God bless!

Nicholl McGuire

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