Fafafine: Boys raised as Girls in Samoa

7 Things Single Moms Do That Can Ruin Their Sons

Within recent years, I have heard many times about how a woman can't raise a son to be a man, teach a son how to be a man...etc.  Of course, she isn't a man and has never experienced what it feels like to be one, but what she can do is instill wisdom, love and more into her son.  As some know who have experienced the death of a partner, you do what you can, you raise your children as best you know how.



  7 Things Single Moms Do That Can Ruin Their Sons

How to Get Your Child to Listen in 90 Seconds - Parenting Expert Jane Ne...

Another Holiday Gone, Another One to Come...Are You Prepared?

With one holiday down, along comes another, Easter.  If you aren't one for celebrating this holiday and others, good for you.  People can better manage their finances when they pick and choose what holiday or event they are attending.  However, for those who feel obligated to celebrate one holiday after the next, here are a few tips.

Begin saving your money as soon as the last one ends.  

You can get a good idea of how much the next holiday event will cost you if you start searching online for the products you will need.  For instance, many parents attend church and decorate themselves and children in their Sunday Best during Easter.  If this is you, it would make sense to start checking out the stores who have reasonable prices on dress clothes for youth.

Start enlisting help as soon as you can for the next holiday celebration.

If you are the one doing the planning or assisting others, it is never too early to start talking about the meal plan, who is attending, what activities will be presented, and the cost.  It is better to know early what the response might be like from family and friends.  If there is a lack of interest, it just might be a blessing in disguise.  Therefore, you can redirect your money to more important things like paying down debt or having some money available for that emergency right around the corner.

Listen to the advice of others.

As hard as this can be sometimes, yet listening to your partner, children, and other relatives can be most beneficial when you are on the fence about some things related to the holidays especially when money is lacking.  Far too many moms try to be everything to everyone that they end up becoming overwhelmed, irritated, and impatient while the next holiday fast approaches.  If a partner is cautioning, "Honey, you're doing too much."  Heed the warning.  If children are behaving strangely or just don't want to travel here and there, consider their feelings.  If someone or something means that much to you and you must be with that person or group during the holidays, sometimes it is just better to travel alone and plan your festivities at that relative's home rather than yours. 

May you have fun this year with all your holiday celebrating!

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Don't Talk, Trust and Feel - Bad Parenting will Backfire

A crying mother, fearful of a partner, abused by her own mother, and bitter about her life decisions, teaches her children not to cry.  They are not permitted to do the following:  talk about what hurts to others, trust people who are only trying to help, and display emotion about something their parents did or didn't do.  Mom says, "Stop crying!  What happens in this house, stays in this house!  Don't tell me how you feel, I don't want to hear it!"  Many of her instructions may be given to her by the head of house, the father who has his own share of personality issues, the controlling matriarch or patriarch, or siblings who experienced their share of abuse.

In my personal experience, this "don't talk, trust, or feel" kind of parenting, was unhelpful, cold-hearted and at times downright dysfunctional.  I thought, "Does anyone take a step back and listen to how they sound laying down the so-called rules?  Has anyone bothered to question how stupid some of this is when it comes to parenting children?  Many sons and daughters raised by or around this sort of ignorant teaching, suffered as a result.  However, others awoke before things got to bad with their own children and vowed that some of this ignorance had to go!

Don't Talk

If a mother makes a habit of telling her children not to speak to her or others whether it is a good time to talk or not, what will be the outcome?  The children will most likely not talk much to her.  Ignore or avoid her when she wants to talk to them.  They may open up to relatives, friends, and strangers, but that all depends on how the mother's constant shutting her children up has affected them--sometimes social skills are hindered as a result.  Further, her children will most likely be cautious of connecting with those who are friendly with the mother for fear that things they might say will get back to her.  This unfortunately was my experience being around adults who didn't like children much.  These people felt children were more like flies that ought to be shooed away once they have received all they wanted from them i.e.) conversation, entertainment, money, etc.--yes adults did borrow money from children and didn't want others to know about it either!  The strategy with many of these controlling authority figures was to keep their shady lifestyles and practices private.

Don't Trust

The parents and  grandparents were good about telling grandchildren as well as adult sons and daughters not to trust this person and that one.  The strategy behind this was so that you would stay under the parent or grandparents rule--this I now know, but back then I thought it was solely about caring for the family.  The warnings happened so often in family circles to the point that it was any wonder we children had any friends.  Women and girls, boys and men weren't to be trusted whether family or not, the clerk at the local store wasn't trusted, the neighbor was up to no good, and friends couldn't come inside the family home or stay overnight, because they too couldn't be trusted!  In time, what does the child turned adult end up doing?  Falsely believing that most people can't be trusted.

Don't Feel

You are to shake pain off, hide tears or don't even let them fill your eyes, because if you did, there was an adult saying, "Be strong, don't be weak!  What are you crying for?"  If you attempted to explain, the mean-spirited adult would cut you off, attack your explanation, send you to bed, or worse spank you to so-called toughen you up.  The adults were supposedly training children to be strong by doing these things, when all they created was nothing more than future psychopaths.

Children who violated any of these rules were punished for talking too much, trusting someone, or expressing emotion that even looked a little bit like you were disrespecting a parent even though this wasn't always true.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.