Expectant Moms - Read When Mothers Cry

You may not have time to read a book entitled, When Mothers Cry when the baby gets here, but I can assure you that if you aren't adjusting well with the idea that one day you are going to be a mom, may I suggest the book.

I am, Nicholl McGuire, self-published author of When Mothers Cry, it wasn't long after learning that I was pregnant that I would experience feelings of sadness, guilt and worry about what the future held regarding my relationship with the father.  I wasn't sure about my new role and I definitely hadn't prepared myself.  There were moms around me that weren't happy moms and I learned the hard way why.  Unsure about the men they dated or married, they had much advice, and I didn't take heed.  From strangers on the street to people I knew, someone was telling me in so many words, "God didn't make any mistakes with your pregnancy, but you could have...you should have...but the baby will soon be here, so you might as well make up in your mind what you are going to do."  These unhappy moms knew what it felt like to have your life disrupted due to an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy.

I played with the thought of raising my first child on my own.  I wasn't convinced that the father would be a good one since he had a player mentality (more interested in dating many women rather than exclusively dating), but after much talk, and one day asking him for reassurance that he would not leave after the birth of our son, I began to adjust my thinking (more on that in the book).  However, I knew deep, down inside it was a temporary arrangement.  After the baby was born, I had my work cut out for me.  Eventually, the "We are such a happy family" show would come to an end.  Once again, I realized that the unhappy moms were only trying to prepare me for what was ahead.   Years of my encouraging the father and personal planning is why to date, I have no regrets.

Being an expectant mom you hope for the best and you should remain that way, but you will have to be flexible--realize that you will need more than hope when trials come!  Know that the storm is going to come, baby will take up much of your time, workplace won't feel the same, family and friend connections may unravel especially if post-partum shows its ugly face, sex with a partner may get better or decline...the more you know, the more prepared you are.

So do take the time to read When Mothers Cry and feel at peace knowing that there are others who are trying to figure out their motherhood roles too!  If you know a new dad, get the book for him, hopefully he will be more understanding about what his wife/girlfriend is going through being an expectant mom.

Nicholl McGuire

If It's All About the Children - Say So Long to Your Marriage!

"We have Jimmy's practice, then Mary has a birthday party she is attending.  I have to help with homework...I am saving for my kids' education...my  husband will be taking the children to the amusement park...They are doing so well in school!"  Does this sound close to your conversation with others about your children?

So the children's high-priced activities and sporting equipment is eating away at one's savings; meanwhile a wife has no time to date her partner.  The home is in need of repair, yet it's more important to send a child off to college who doesn't even know what she wants to be when she gets older.  The couple argues about the children, help the children, do for the children, and then what?  There is still no time to do anything for one another--not even a compliment.

The more you want for your children, the more you take from your marriage.  Don't believe me?  Ask the many couples who are headed for divorce because secretly or quite openly they not only got tired of their partner, but grew weary of a relationship centered around their children!  "The children need this...don't forget the children want...I don't have time because the children...the children don't need to go to bed right now...the children can play with that...the children don't have to eat that..."  It's always about the children, right?  Little people who will grow up to become young adults who will work very hard to get away from loving, caring, attentive parents.  Then what?  It's just you and He.

Whether he loves or even worships the ground the children walk on or you, someone will have to face the reality that a marriage that is centered around children won't be blissful.  Oh sure, it just might beat the odds 10 to 20 plus years of marriage, but along the way things happen--lots of things and they aren't all good.  Ponder the following conversation for the moment. 

Husband says, "So you love the kids, honey?"
"Of course, I do." Wife responds.
"Do you love me too?"
"You know I do..."
"Well, I love you all.  However, we need to make some changes around here.  I can't remember the last time we had sex.  The children should go to bed earlier."
Wife nods her head in agreement.

This was the first of many signs in this imagined scenario.  The husband didn't mention anything more about their sexless relationship, because his eyes were distracted elsewhere.

There are so many other marital factors and other conversation that could go along with this example, but the main point is to awaken some of these moms who don't check in with their husbands as well as husbands who don't check in with their wives. 

Whether a husband or wife is madly in love with the children or not, the point is that someone reading this will be divorced by this time next year, because he or she thought that a child-centered marriage is okay.  You can pray together all you want, but in the end, if you or your partner deep within aren't happy, sooner or later someone is going to start thinking about leaving.

Listen to what your partner says.  Find ways to make time for one another.  Re-evaluate your own emotions toward partner, marriage and children.  Ask yourself, "Am I spending way too much time appeasing the children while expecting my partner to go along with everything related to them?"  When things seem to be too much, consider help from other sources.  Sometimes children cry out for attention because they aren't happy especially when they prefer to be with the other parent, desire to be left alone, overwhelmed because they are given too many things, don't enjoy school, etc.  Child- related issues will affect your marriage, so avoid ignoring the elephant in the room--discuss it!  And above everything else, learn to say "No" to children.  Put your past behind and how you were treated as a child.

Nicholl McGuire, blog owner and author of When Mothers Cry

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