An Awakened Mother with No Fear of the What Ifs

I admit for years I walked around with my eyes closed to a lot of things especially when it came to intimate relationships, but when it came to care-taking issues related to my children not so much.  I saw things that I didn't like when others would handle or communicate with my children.  But if  I thought my speaking up would have threatened my role in my children's lives (especially when it came to their fathers), I went along with the flow often silently.  Like an itch that I couldn't reach or medicate, I just tolerated some things because I felt at times powerless to say or do anything--that is until I got wise.  As I prayed more, the "what ifs" in my mind began to fall away.  "What if this happened...what if he did...what if the children..."  So what, what if?  What if I had a nervous breakdown and didn't come back around to enjoy the company of my children because of all the stress and worry about the future?   

Prior to my spiritual moments with my Creator, I reasoned negative moments away and quite simply talked myself into choosing to look on the brighter side (especially when it came to relatives, in-laws, and other children-related problems).  Yet, when some issues are in your face, more than others, you can't keep looking away and telling yourself, "Things will get better I know it, so I am just going to sit back and be quiet--be a good mother that makes her children top priority end of discussion."  However, when family, money, business, spirituality, education, and a myriad of other challenges arise while time, money, and patience are short, sometimes you have to just stand--speak up when faced with an adversary, point out what's wrong and why you feel the way you do.  No matter how much this person or group labels you "crazy," "zealous," "strange," "bitter," "jealous," etc.  Name-calling is nothing more than an attempt to slow your momentum, to cause you to retreat, and give the enemy more power over your mind.

Opportunities to be open and honest about what you see and feel, Mother, will come again and again until you do something!  Consider the following examples, Dad insists that exposing children to evil acts is okay while you refuse to compromise.  Mother-in-law attempts to systematically brainwash your family against you in an effort to further dominate her son, so you expose her teachings.  An educator oftens singles out your child because he or she has had problems with him or her in the past; therefore you need to confront him or her.  From the way someone cares for your child to what a relative communicates to him or her, convincing yourself, "It isn't so bad...Well other people go through the same...And I know he/she means well..." is not going to keep the peace in your mind or spirit forever and always.  Some moms will just continue to keep fighting with their personal thoughts, feelings, and the imagined consequences that they believe others might put on them before lashing out on any and everyone one day.  Some mothers will go so far as to physically fight with someone in an effort to be heard.  But by then, it just might be too late.

Don't be like a teapot and let family pressure build up until you explode; rather, let those around you know gradually and boldly that when it comes to yourself, children and anything else that your eyes are wide open and  there is nothing they can say or do to convince you otherwise.  Be prepared to do what you must.  What sense does it make to carry a headache, heartache or some other pain around with you day after day because you worry or fear a certain outcome?  If you are very concerned about how a person might react to you, record your conversation, have a witness, or seek a third party to mediate the situation.

Nicholl McGuire

Nonfiction book - When Mothers Cry: Author Shares Excerpts - Societal Ills

Mother Wake Up!

Mother, you have a lot to learn,
it's time to discern!

Saw you holding your hands up,
praying for more things to fill your cup.

You weren't always acting like this,
but problems became like a cyst.

They grew and grew like a cancer,
old gift wrap decorated with Prancer.

You knew you shouldn't have spent so much,
your idea of giving is like a crutch.

Feel bad, mad, sad, or even glad,
went in your pocket and spent more than you had.

Saw this one coming a long time ago,
didn't want anyone saying, "I told you so!"

Leave the children with the sitter,
got to work feeling bitter.

No time to do what you want to do
life makes you feel real down, real blue.

Look beyond the things a mighty God brings.
Angels in heaven, they know what to sing.

Praise your Father and listen to Him on what to do,
just might avoid a devil looking to sue.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry.  She reads from her book on Youtube channel: nmenterprise7.

When Mothers Cry Author Nicholl McGuire Talking about Stepmotherhood

Children are Still Being Kidnapped Everyday

What if your child was no more--I mean left, gone, without a trace!  This happened to a relative of mine.  She dropped off her daughter with a best friend only to return to pick her up after an extended stay and the two were no where to be found!  An Amber Alert was issued and luckily her child was recovered in another state hundreds of miles away from home unharmed. 

The pain, guilt, worry, and more that one goes through when he or she has to deal with an abduction.  Many of us parents don't bother to think about such things, because we have our children with us daily.  But when it happens to someone close to our families, we begin to have feelings of anxiety--we start to stress and trust levels begin to diminish  with some people in our inner circles.  We find ourselves being extra, sometimes overly, cautious. 

I thought of some points you may not have thought about lately when it comes to paying better attention to your children.  A wake up call typically moves us to do some things differently so as to prevent unnecessary issues as best we can and hopefully reduce the risk of a future kidnapping.

1.  Watch and listen to caretakers especially when they start referring to your children as theirs.

2.  Don't permit your children to stay anywhere often or for extended lengths of time, especially without checking in with the caretaker.

3.  Don't assume that because someone is nice and has a great background in handling children that he or she is always right, always trustworthy, and always treats your child with respect.

4.  When you have that stirring in your stomach, an odd feeling, or something that just doesn't seem right when you prepare to drop off your child with someone, don't ignore those signs!  Is missing a work day more important than the well being of your child?

5.  Pay particular attention to what your child/children say about certain individuals who come around them.  Don't brush off their statements as child talk and "kids being kids" particularly when you confront a caretaker about what he or she has said or done concerning your child.

6.  If something isn't right, most likely it isn't.  Always have a back up plan and don't hesitate to get authorities involved.

7.  Observe your surroundings.  Check out cars, trucks, and vans that seem to park near or around you whenever you walk with your child, visit with others, or drop your child off.  Notice who is sitting in those vehicles, what time they are parked and on what days.  Check for patterns.  View license plates, color and car make and note them in your cell phone or elsewhere.

In addition, do get your child's photo taken at least once a year.  Be sure to have fingerprints of your child filed away.  Also, know more about caretakers besides name, address, phone and other similar things.  Find out what their interests are.  Learn about where they are from and who their relatives are.  Take a photo of the caretaker with your child.  Jot down the vehicle information of the caretaker.  Note names of assistants, friends, church and civic group affiliations.  With this information, if something should ever occur with your child, the police have some information to conduct a thorough investigation.