When Mother Knows Best & They Don't

If you have been a mother for any length of time then your intuition concerning your children has been challenged by someone who is either helping you raise your children or occassionally babysitting for you.

He or she may not have verbally said one word about the way you raise your children, but this person may have done some things the total opposite of what you wanted them to just because they are stubborn, jealous, or just don't want to admit that you are right and they are wrong. Whatever the reason, you know your children better than the rest of them and if what you say and do is in their best interest, then by all means stand strong in your beliefs, convictions and so on.

I have been in debates with the fathers of my children over what they thought was the littlest of things. From our young children watching things on television they can't handle to what they have given them to eat. As we all know children can't digest violence without eventually acting it out on their siblings or other children. We also know that if you give a child a certain sweet snack before a meal or before bed time, you are in for some trouble. And most importantly, as mothers, we know that if you don't have a consistent bedtime for your children, they will not perform well in school and their moodiness (from being tired) gets them in trouble with you and everyone else.

The shrug of the shoulders, the eye rolls, and the attitude from bystanders because once again someone has upset you concerning your children is enough to make you want to yell at the top of your lungs, "What are you looking at?! Does anyone understand? Do you know what kind of impression you are making on my child? Who do you think you are!" Some people just don't get it! We must remember we are living in times where evil is considered good and good is considered evil. "It's okay to let our son play the rated M game, it's not that bad. Why are you so angry about him not going to bed on time? What's the big deal about our daughter going over her friend's house every Friday night? What is the problem with the way I discipline the children? You are too strict! Why can't the children listen to that song? They don't know what it means," say some fathers and relatives, but you know what's best.

I have had debates similar to the ones mentioned above and I can tell you that, in the past, I have literally exhausted myself trying to explain why wrestling isn't good for a four and five year old or why we needed to start putting money away for our children's future. If we don't stand up for what we believe is wrong for our children then who will? I put no trust in family, friend, or foe to give me accurate information and be 100% transparent when they are with my child while I am away. The reason for this is because I know that I didn't always provide every single detail to everyone about my own children, so why would I expect differently from people who don't know my children like I do?

Now I understand that when one isn't in the presence of their children due to unfortunate circumstances or is in a position where they have no choice but to let someone else spend 8 to 10 hours a day with their babies, there is a good possibility that he or she doesn't know best, but the caretaker does. How could a parent who is often working or away from their child really know what's going on if they aren't doing the following: taking time out to interview his or her son or daughter, asking specific questions about the child's experience with the caretaker, showing up to parent and teacher meetings, and most of all taking the time to listen to their child when he or she wants to talk.

In conclusion, mother doesn't always know what's best, but when she does, she just wants someone to listen and do what she asks when it comes to the children's mental and physical well-being. Is that too much to ask?


Nicholl McGuire
http://www.myspace.com/howtobooks

Disney’s Mickey & Minnie’s Gift of the Magi

One night while preparing the children for bed, one of my sons went over to a cabinet where he stores his books and pulled out one that made me look at my financial woes a little differently. Disney’s Mickey & Minnie’s Gift of the Magi by Bruce Talkington and illustrated by Fernando Guell Cano was the book my son selected for me to read.

The book starts off with “It was the day before Christmas…” right away I was interested given the time period at which my son brought me the book – mind you he is only 3. The story begins with telling us about Mickey’s woes” his coat not warm enough, Christmas tree not large enough, and his pockets were empty. Well by this time I am really into this book, because it is describing similar real life situations I have been in and currently face. But despite all of this Mickey is playing his harmonica.

As Mickey and Pluto stroll down the street, Mickey notices a necklace in a store front window. While I am reading, I am thinking, “The happiness and music just stopped for you Mickey.” But the optimistic mouse’s discovery makes him determined to get this gift to go with Minnie’s watch. Now Mickey is reminded by his empty pockets that he can’t get the necklace, but he tells his dog Pluto that “you and I are going to make lots of tips today…” Meanwhile, Minnie is at home having a problem that is very much the kind we as mothers can relate to and that is a pile of unpaid bills. She tells her cat, “There’s nothing but bills how am I ever going to afford to get Mickey a present?” She quickly realizes Mickey is at the door and rather than bombard him with a list of worries, the book says she “shoved the bills in a drawer and raced into the living room.”

As I read more, Minnie wants to get a case for Mickey’s harmonica because she notices that he wraps it up in an old rag.
Now I am thinking at this point that neither Mickey nor Minnie don’t have children, no fancy car (because he dropped her off at work riding a dog sled – LOL) so why all the bills? They have two jobs between them.

Anyway, Mickey has a hard boss who could care less about the sentiments of Christmas just the money that the Christmas trees bring. Mickey is working very hard and ends up acquiring enough money to get Minnie’s necklace; however just as luck would have it his boss would take his money. He did this because he didn’t like Mickey disrupting his efforts to rip a poor father off by up-selling him on a tree they didn’t want and lying that the expensive trees was all he had. Mickey sold the family a cheaper tree. Mickey’s boss threw him and the dog off his property. However, nothing good comes of the boss and he ended up burning his money and his trees up due to a lit cigar he was smoking. Meanwhile at Minnie’s job, a bonus she was expecting from her boss ended up being a fruitcake.

While the firefighters put out the fire, Mickey played his harmonica. The firefighters heard him because they were due to attend a toy drive and play in the band. Mickey joined them. However, the writer of the story doesn’t write that Mickey receives any money for his efforts – I am thinking, “Isn’t that typical.” Mickey eventually leaves in time to meet the store owner who has the necklace he wants to get for Minnie, so he trades his harmonica for the necklace. Meanwhile, Minnie had traded her watch for a case for Mickey’s harmonica. The story ends with the couple wishing one another a Merry Christmas. The writer adds, “It was a Christmas they’d never forget.”

Can I just remind you this is a children’s book? My three-year-old is just looking at the pictures. He doesn’t know that the book he brought to me spoke into our family’s current situation. The only difference is rather than making trades, we borrowed credit to make the end of our story a Merry Christmas.

What I found rather odd is that although this is a children’s book, in addition to parents and children, this story should be read to childless couples too. From the looks of things the mice have nothing to show for all this debt they acquired and if they had babies, you could only imagine what kind of hours they would be putting in at work! If they were willing to work extra hard just to buy two simple gifts they would be working even harder for their families.

I don’t want to read too deeply into this simple story, but the lesson I learned after re-reading this is the debt the mice acquired most likely came from spoiling one another. We spoil our children, partners and ourselves and then we cry when our backs are up against the wall and can’t pay for anything. Those mice were working hard to give one another everything they needed and wanted and then when it came down to a gift that really mattered to each of them, neither one could help due to all their past debt. The stress of bills will make any mother in over her head cry!

So the moral of the story is when you are in debt, don’t do what Mickey did in the beginning of the story, gaze in the store front window. Ignore the emails, click past the eBay link, throw away the catalogs, and even say no to the needy people on the street when you know you are already obligated to your lenders. Most of all, don’t allow your burdens and other people’s attitudes or cheap giving take your happiness away, like Mickey kept playing his harmonica, you keep on playing yours!

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire
Check out my writings at Triond

Note: Typical Disney why would they title this book like this...Magi? Needless to say, Disney books have been removed off my children's shelves after seeing way too many occult things going on between the pages.

Cherish Those Days When You Feel Good...

You ever wake up one day and notice that you feel good all over. Its a blessing in disguise! You go through the day picking up things, cleaning stuff, organizing old things, and talking about a little of this and that with family and friends. You just feel good! Well what if we could feel like that all the time? That's where the Bible, self-improvement books, blogs, radio talk shows, and the neighbor down the street come in, we all have tips to share about feeling good. But the truth is that it can be a challenge to utilize everybody's advice in the face of difficulties.

I will be the first to admit that inadequate sleep will affect my mood before any person or situation does. Sometimes I am aware and other times I am not. On the days I have awaken feeling good about life I must say a good night rest had alot to do with it. Now as the day grows old things will affect my mood, but at least I did one very important thing and that was scale back my bedtime.

The next I try to do is break for a meal. Now I know that if I don't eat I will get an attitude about the littlest of things. Sometimes we think that by skipping meals we are making head way, but eventually it catches up to us. Its like the guy who is driving real fast along a street, passes you by, and then when he gets in front of you he has to wait for a stoplight. You catch up to him, he takes off again, and then he has to wait for another stoplight. What's with the big rush and endangering people's lives in the process? Meanwhile, he gets to his destination and chances are he didn't miss anything worthwhile. We do the same thing, we put in the time to get it all done while hurting those we love in the process, is it really worth it?

I am learning daily that the best way to combat the angry, frustrating feelings that creep up on me during the day due to surprises, shocking information, blood sugar and hormones, and the way others treat me is to shorten my reaction to it. In other words, don't think, talk or be around it for too long. Take the needed walk, pill or meal I need to bring the hormones back in balance.

Sometimes we are very good about making sure the children and the man are fed and get to bed at a decent hour, but what about us? Then we get angry with everyone else for how they treat us when we are not caring for ourselves like we should. The doctor says exercise, take this pill, eat this food, and what do we do? Get caught up in our daily responsibilities and forget about what we need to do to feel good about ourselves.

Have you ever noticed how many parenting guides encourage parents to use time outs on children misbehaving? Well, as parents, sometimes we need to go to time out for our misbehaving. Did we go off on our partner today? Time out! Did we curse at the children? Time out! Did we tell the sales clerk off? Time out! Did we lie to the boss because we didn't feel like doing something? Time out! When we get bombarded with lots of negativity that cause problems for others or things that people do to us, take a time out.

Uh oh...while I am typing, I forgot to take my vitamins, better do that...don't need a time out on my back!

Stay blessed.

Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com

How to Overcome Jealousy

Overcoming jealousy is important to all healthy relationships. Jealousy usually stems from feelings of inadequacy in the person experiencing the emotion. While there are, of course, times when people are certainly justified in feeling jealous a good portion of the time there is not valid cause.

It's usually necessary to look to one's self-esteem to pinpoint exactly why you are feeling jealous, as the problem 90% of the time is with yourself. That's actually good news, though - it means it can be fixed and you can stop feeling miserable.

The Root of the Evil

The green-eyed monster is generally a symptom of other deep-rooted problems within people. The less self confidence a person has and the more their self image needs improvement the more easily feelings of jealousy creep in even in innocuous situations. This happens because people will feel that they do not deserve the other person, the position at work, the praise, etc. While there will always be some times where feelings of envy are justified, you can fight the feelings when they are unjustified.

Keep a Cool Head

Whether you are experiencing feelings of jealousy in a personal or professional setting, losing your cool will not help the situation. If something happens that begins to churn up those emotions, wait. Step back outside of yourself for just a moment. Look at the situation after allowing some time to breathe.

Did someone at work get a promotion based on your work or did your husband come home with lipstick on his shirt? Then allow the feelings. They are totally justified! However, if a coworker actually deserves their promotion based on their merit, or your husband mentions that an unattainable actress is pretty, then breathe deeply and let it pass.

Communicate Effectively

When you are consistently feeling jealous, and have already checked to be sure that you are maintaining a clear and accurate view of the situation, then perhaps the thing making you jealous may need to be addressed. Chances are that your emotions are not being played with and that perhaps the other person simply is not aware of how you are reacting. Talk to them in a calm manner and not at a time when you are actually feeling jealous. Explain, without blaming, how certain actions or words make you feel. Offer a solution, "If you were to do/say X rather than Y, I would feel differently." Be open to feedback from the other person!

Eyes on Yourself

The more you focus on creating your own sense of self worth and strengthening all of your personal characteristics, the more you will find that jealousy will fall by the wayside. When you develop a healthy self respect, it can perform wonders in your life. You will not tolerate situations where jealousy is actually valid; you will remove yourself from the situation. You will know that your abilities and merits are worthy of thought and consideration from others and that your own self confidence will inspire them to treat you with respect. You will soon learn to disregard that which is petty and not let it have an effect on how you feel.

Reinforcements

All that you need to overcome jealousy is inside of you. It is not an external factor that will change your perception-a new dress does not make you feel less jealous of an inattentive spouse! The more strength you have, the weaker feelings of jealousy will be. Focus your thoughts and actions on building your own positivity and it will be no more difficult to overcome feelings of weakness and jealousy than it would be to overcome a battalion of toy soldiers.

Zoltan Roth is a native Hungarian teacher who resides in the United States. His passion is to help people around the globe to discover their enormous mental potential to create a happy, peaceful life we all deserve. For more information please visit his website at http://www.selfesteem2go.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Zoltan_Roth

Racism: An Ongoing Cry

I have been called the n word repeatedly over the years because I was supposed to sit quietly and not voice my opinion in the classroom, in the newspaper and now on the Internet. There are people who don't like you because you don't look like them. It doesn't matter how successful, pretty, handsome, who you know, in their eyes, you will always be whatever their parents told them to call you.

What makes me shed angry tears, you know the kind that if anyone is near they might get caught with one of your blows or something might go flying, is that my four sons will one day be called the n word too. Born into an evil, weird, scary, and violent world, my innocent children don't know what is ahead -- God they just don't know!

Now I talked to God, I asked him years ago, in fact I pleaded with him to make something happen so that I wouldn't have children, that's a dangerous request isn't it? But a neighbor of mine told me that is what she did and she has no regrets. I talk more about this in my book When Mothers Cry on Amazon.com.

Racism whether bold or covert is an evil designed to belittle, abuse and eventually twist the mind of the hearer so that all they see in the mirror is just what someone calls them.

As a mother and an African American, the journey is long and at times difficult: to win friends, to talk about your woes, to listen to others without wondering if they have a hidden agenda, and on and on.

You may come from a race that is looked down upon as well. Allow the anger that you feel for every time someone gives you that look, writes something insulting, or whispers negatively behind your back that you are everything that they are not, a strong woman who isn't afraid to stand by her beliefs, protective of her children until death, and will not hesitate to fight in court!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com