We just don’t think sometimes as busy moms. We are so distracted with trying to complete To-Do Lists that we fail to notice red
flags or the “writing on the wall” so to speak, when it comes to people
watching our children. We don’t think at
times how a few too many visits over a friend’s house might have a significant
impact on their personalities, how they interact with us, and what other
parents might be thinking since every time they look up they see your child at
their home.
I thought of this blog entry idea after thinking about some
things I witnessed and experienced as a child.
It was then, that it dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, there is a
parent out there in cyber-world who needs just a friendly reminder to stay on
her (or his) toes when it comes to parenting children.
Don’t be naïve when it
comes to over-night stays.
As much as we don’t like to think of a relative hurting a
child, there are those who once were abused children who never received help so
now they tend to reenact their childhood sometimes by what they see, hear,
smell among other things. Some critical
individuals underestimate the power of one’s senses. They don’t realize how some things will
trigger certain emotional responses and reactions in adults. For instance, a child who is often difficult
to manage might bring out the worst in an adult who during his youth was also equally
hard to make behave. So this person
might desire to discipline a child in a way that is cruel or harsh because he
received this sort of punishment.
Meanwhile, a busy parent doesn’t really know what is going on over at a
relative’s house and most likely will side with the caretaker if her child is
often a challenge.
There are those parents and others who don’t see anything
wrong with permitting siblings, cousins, friends, and adults to sleep in the
same bed with children. Unfortunately
with a society, like ours, that glorifies sex as much as it does, one can never
be too careful about allowing others to sleep in the bed with your
children. If one must share a bed, have
the child’s head lay on one end facing the other child’s toes and put a pillow
between both. Put a nightlight in the
room and leave the door open. This way
if one child has been exposed to some things that you don’t know about and has
plans to show and tell at least you can hinder an experimental episode. Be cautious when children play as well. Discourage games like “House” and “Hide and
Go Seek.”
Don’t permit children
to stay up late at night or arise early in the morning and hang out in rooms
together without adult supervision. (Be sure the adult watching the
children doesn’t have a shady track record).
Children tease, bully, snoop, and try things on one another
that they wouldn’t ordinarily do when adults are present. Why “trust” that children will behave when
adults are absent for long periods of time?
This is why some parents are without their children, whether they choose
to admit it or not, for neglect. I have
personally met parents who lost their children as a result of fire and gunshot
wounds, because their children were curious and just wanted to see what would
happen if they played with this or touched that. While others were sexually abused by a
relative, friend of the family, and/or cousins, because mom or dad was busy
working, needed a break from the kids, or went out of town. Some children don’t tell on relatives,
friends and others because they are fearful that the parent will be mad, might
not let them come back to see other relatives, or will get someone in trouble.
As parents, we also need to be mindful of what children are
viewing over other people’s homes. I can’t
tell you how many times I personally witnessed and heard as a child how someone
got a hold of a porn magazine, a video, or taste tested someone’s hidden drugs
or alcohol. All of which were discussed on
the playground, during study hall, at lunch or after school.
With so many
marriages ending in divorce and children living with a single parent who often works
long hours and is unable to supervise, there are those who have little regard
for children and take advantage of them in some of the most despicable ways. Do what you can to be sure that your children
are with trustworthy individuals.
Periodically pop up on your child staying over a relative or his or her friend’s
house. Be at home during your lunch hour
sometimes. Take a personal day and check
to see if your child is really coming from the school and going straight
home. Don’t put any faith in a text
message since you don’t know exactly where your child is and if he or she
really wrote the message. Consider a tracking
device. Of course, there are those
people and children who are generally honest, but there are far more who are
deceitful and lie more than they tell the truth. Always be one step ahead of your children whether
they have a good track record or not. Lastly, don’t assume that because an adult is “so nice” and “has children
too” that they are reliable, have morals, and care about your loved ones as
much as you.
To you and your family’s safety!
Nicholl McGuire, Author of When Mothers Cry
