Reflections of Motherhood

You Will Always Be Mother

No matter what someone says or does, you gave birth to children that have been stamped with your DNA for all eternity!  Sometimes we find ourselves in disputes with loved ones, school staff, and others on the well-being of our children.  We may be criticized for what we say and do concerning our children, but no matter the negative comments, threats, accusations, ridicule, etc.  your children are yours!  You might be the parent away from your children or the one with them on a daily basis, as long as you are tending to their basic needs, showing them love, and they are growing into well-adjusted human beings that are causing more good than harm to others, then who cares what someone thinks?

One of our weaknesses, especially those of us who care a lot for people, is we take on their emotions as well.  We internalize what they think, how they feel, and what they say about our parenting.  The grandparent tells you something that might have helped her decades ago, but doesn't work for you yet you try anyway only to feel burdened.  The spouse comments on the way you are dressing, feeding or tending to your child's needs and you attempt to appease.  Passer-byers smile and comment when you happily play with your child, but when you discipline him or her, they frown and feel it is their duty to offer their thoughts.  These petty scenarios as well as others you may have experienced recently, if often thought about, can make you lose your cool and resent parenting.  No matter what happens, you will always be mother!  You have a say so in your child's life whether near or far, sooner or later. 

Your son or daughter will hear and see what mom has been trying to do for years--be a good parent.  He or she may understand or may not, but at least you know that you did your very best with whatever resources and time you have. 

For those of you who have faith, turn your burdens over to your Creator--that includes people who are more critical than loving, more concerned about material goods and less concerned about spiritual matters, and who have far too much time on their hands to watch you parent your child.

You will always be mother and no one can take that title away from you unless you let them!

Nicholl McGuire

Parenting Challenges from a Spiritual Perspective

The Things Children Will Do for a Little Attention

Children will take your mind to places that you don't want to go sometimes.  They will insist on running around when you want them to sit.  They will back-talk when you want them to be quiet.  They will touch things they shouldn't.  And worse, they will fight one another and then repeatedly come back to you and tell you what the other did as if the tattle-tale was innocent.

There are some things that I have personally noticed with my own children that I know other children do that I just wanted to post for those of you who have those days that you think you are all alone.

1.  They will exaggerate.  For instance, you take them by the hand or put your hand on their back to get them to move faster, they will act as if you pushed them down or they will stand firm as if they will not walk just because you touched them.  The idea is to get some attention from a witness whether the father, grandparent or a witness on the street so that they don't have to do what you want.  Ignorant witnesses or those who forgot about how children can be will try to play Savior when there isn't anyone to save.  What I do when this happens is, I firmly say, "Do not act that way.  You know I am not hurting you.  How about I let your dad deal with you...or what about that lady over there watching you?"  Sometimes I remove them from my presence or go elsewhere so that I won't lose my cool.

2.  They will lie.  Whoever thinks that their child never lies is a liar!  Sorry to be so bold, but I had to say that.  I have seen far too many children in my lifetime (I started babysitting in life and then worked in childcare before I had my own children).  They can tell a story with tears in their eyes and then minutes later smile.  You know when they are lying when they can't get the facts straight.  Don't repeat the majority of the story exactly each time.  They also have a suspicious look to their eyes or strange body movements when telling stories.  Check out this video on my YouTube page - nmenterprise7 if you haven't seen it already.  My niece and I are doing an improv about lying.



3.  They will act older than their age.  After may episodes of my children acting far beyond their years, it was safe to assume that they were getting much of their behavior from either being around older children and adults and they were watching shows that were older.  So what I started doing especially when they were really young was utilize more children's video and less TV.  Acting older does have its benefits, like one of my sons caught onto reading faster than all of them because he saw his older brothers reading, but the cons was that the silly sense of humor from older boys didn't look right on a 2 and 3 year old.  There were times when I separated all boys from one another and talked to them about anything I saw that was not age appropriate like singing certain songs that was meant for adults.

4.  They will either not eat or make a pig of themselves.  Whether they are showing off over someone's home eating everything on their plates and then asking for more or at home refusing to eat, they will frustrate you at meal times.  Today they like this thing then tomorrow not so much.  It happens.  Here is what I have done in the past (and even now if they tempt me) for those of you who missed this video years back.



These are just some of the things they will do to get attention.  Of course, they will interrupt your phone calls every chance they get.  They will take off running in a store, down the street, or parking lot at a moments notice.  The older ones may attempt to sneak out the home while you're sleeping.  They will avoid doing homework or purposely get bad grades because they think you don't care about them.  The list is endless, but to those of you who are angered by all this, I will tell you what my grandmother told me who had five boys and one girl, "Children will do these things.  So you had better teach them, because if you don't (the law) will."

Watch Your Child's School Work

How much math homework, spelling and reading is really being given out?  Sometimes moms are so busy tending to household duties and workplace issues that they don't pay attention to what their children are being taught in school.

Homework has never been anyone's favorite thing to do, but it is necessary to help you keep up with what your child knows or doesn't know.

I noticed that my son had more worksheets that dealt with reading and spelling and less assignments that were math related.  Other parents must have noticed too, because finally, after months of being in school, the teacher decided to devote one week exclusively to math homework--will see how long this will last.

If you start to see that your child is consistently bringing home bad grades, you may want to find out what his or her behavior is like in the classroom, how close your son or daughter is seated near the teacher, the Smart Board (a new device wired to the Internet designed to aid teachers with their classroom instruction) or chalk board.  Also, listen for names that often come up when your child is explaining a story.  Sometimes there are those children that are causing problems in the classroom and the teacher has yet to get a handle on them.  You may also want to consider what changes have occurred in your own household that is affecting your child's grades.

When we don't pay attention to what is or isn't coming home from school and how might our child be negatively impacted, we do our children a disservice!  We assume that they are learning, growing, and doing their very best in school when that may not be the case.

Also, watch those notes that don't request your feedback, but give you an option to opt your child out of some event, teaching, etc.  It is very easy for a teacher to come back later and say, "Well we wouldn't have introduced that subject matter to your child had you responded to the notice that you received." 

Nicholl McGuire also maintains a blog for new parents who simply want the basics when raising young as well as older children, stop by: Parents, Babies, Children for families who have babies, children and tweens.