It had been years since my mother died. It doesn't hurt like it did when I first found out she had passed away, I got used to the sick feeling that was in my stomach that came and went. One day it had just stopped showing up when I talked about her. Back then when I learned of her passing from lung cancer, I was with my husband and four sons, and I had just started a new job.
I did what I could to remain strong for my family and it worked! Meditation, prayer, and conversation with loved ones, helped me to focus on my own needs and not just on what had occurred with my mother or my challenging marital, parental, and work responsibilities at the time. I needed to feel free after the death of my mother. I needed to regroup, collect my thoughts and move on. Eventually, I would end the job, experience surgery due to noncancerous tumors, and then start recovery without the worry of having to go back to work right away.
I knew that I couldn't keep living in the past wishing that my mother had not smoked cigarettes, wishing that she was easygoing like she was before my grandmother's passing, wishing that she wasn't fearful of planes, wishing that she showed interest in my younger children, wishing that she had been closer to her own mother before she had passed, and wishing that she had never experienced all the emotional and physical abuses she had endured since her youth. My mother was gone, and I needed to move on. I was grateful for the time that I had with her. She had died during a time we were not speaking to one another. It was best that our relationship ended without yelling, cursing, or fighting. She hadn't been the same since my grandmother had died and neither was I.
I found a newfound joy in my children and in my husband prior to her passing. They were one of many reasons why I stayed positive, and they helped me to move on from the death of my mother. They and God made me happy, and I refused to let the absence of my mother in my life negatively impact my relationships with them--my mother wouldn't have wanted that for me.
I healed because I remained hopeful that things would get better for all of us who had lost our moms. The pain was there, and it had become easier to deal with over time until it disappeared and in its place was an unspeakable joy like a knowing that you will see that person soon.
Since her death, I continue to complete daily chores, tend to my family's needs, and achieve work goals. I have my personal faith and meditate when possible. I don't solely rely on my spouse or my children to make me happy. I have evolved learning to enjoy life my way. Life is too short to let negative situations suffocate you! As one relative told me, "You rise above them." So still I rise!
Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of many nonfiction books including When Mothers Cry and Tell Me Mother You're Sorry.
