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No Respect, No Credit for Playing Mother to Siblings

She has long left this world, a sister who cared for as many as seven of her younger siblings.  Most gave her the respect due to her while she lived and in death, while others refused to appreciate her efforts choosing to say, "She wasn't my mother...she wasn't like a mother to me."  Then when prompted about one's past, there was a comment, "I mean she was okay, she did help us."


I could feel the sister's presence one day as if beckoning me to tell a brief part of her life story.  "Tell the people," I heard. "Appreciate those who may not have been their blood mothers, but acted like moms to them."  She didn't ask to be put in that role, she was forced to be.  A father who was out and about doing what he liked to do best, gamble, drink, and chase women, she had no choice but to be there for siblings since mom was busy with many duties including: farming, cooking, cleaning, working small jobs, and other things.  What was a daughter to do, but help?  The sister had not finished school as a result of assisting mom with all the children.  She also brought some with her when she got old enough to move and cared for them through their last years of school.


When the dad came to the household drunk, angry, wild or all three, he disrespected his family including being abusive to his wife in front of the children.  His eldest daughter had acted like a dad too.  Telling her siblings what to do, how to do it, and threatening to discipline them if they didn't act right.  When he saw her behavior, he would punish her.  She wasn't fearful of her dad, but she also wasn't crazy either.


Although some siblings hated the idea that the eldest children are given some parental power in their families, keep in mind, they didn't want or ask for it.  As one sibling put it, "I would have very much preferred to be a child, but mom and dad put the burden on me, so I had no choice, otherwise I would have got whipped."


Nicholl McGuire also maintains a blog that deals with many family issues here.

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Challenge of Getting Children Ready in the Morning

Most moms, who are highly organized, will tell you that the issue of getting children off to school still comes and goes. It all depends on the mood, whether something is ready or not, and if some unexpected issue threw the whole morning off.


A tired child, meddlesome pet, moody spouse, broken household appliance, problematic car, or something else will turn a seemingly good morning into a bad one in an instant!  But if you can recognize the issues and deal with them ahead of time, then you can cut off some issues.


Some things that parents and their children fail to do is get things prepared the night before.  Others will stay up late at night and will not plan to awake earlier to deal with any "just in case" issues.  Some children are doing everything but getting ready in the morning.  Then you have some parents who expect children to do most things while yelling about what has yet to be done.  With so much irresponsibility, blame, and downright foolishness happening in the morning, no wonder people get off to a bad start!


Here are some things to consider before you start yet another morning of misery:


1.  Cut off or remove electronic devices.  There is no good reason why one must use electronics why getting ready.  Although some people will insist on doing this, think for a moment, what would happen if you were in an accident, in a hospital or dead?


2.  Snip hair when it is too long to manage.  Styling long hair takes a huge chunk out of your time.  You ever wonder why some hairstylists often ask, "Would you like to try something different like get your haircut?"  Saves time!  They can get more heads done in a small window of time.


3.  Move belongings closer to the door.  Why is Jane or Joe always running into his or her room at the last minute?


4.  Find items the night before and place them where they belong.  Why is someone often looking for something in the morning?  Aren't socks supposed to be in the sock drawer? 


5.  Is it really necessary to stay up half the night?  This is a clear sign that someone needs to do better managing his or her time during the day.  What tends to happen is the distraction of the unimportant television, Internet surfing, phone gossip, and other things takes up time during the day that when one finally makes time to finish something important, you are staying up late.  Roll back the time.


6.  Spend less time preparing meals.  Sometimes people are more concerned about their picky interests then getting out the door.  Buy things you know everyone likes and limit choices, this way there isn't as much fuss about breakfast.


7.  Lunches.  If it can be made the night before do it!  Otherwise, cut out something in the morning or move more quickly to get your lunch done.


Things like:  showers, ironing, organizing, and similar things can be done the night before.


Think of some things you can do to make your mornings easier.  Look around your environment make adjustments.  Check the refrigerator for quick to eat items.  Notice what your children are doing in the morning and look for ways to make life easier.  Sometimes the complaining and yelling happens in the morning because a parent failed to do his or her part to make things happen, for starters, waking up earlier.


Nicholl McGuire shares insightful tips on a variety of topics at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7  
Get her book, When Mothers Cry.