Stereotypes: The Motherhood Penalty

Women, Science and Motherhood: Choices Then and Now

Poem - Don't Talk About My Child

Child innocent, not!
He shot.
Lies a lot.
Parents bought a gravesite plot.

Dresses seductively,
the little freak of the week.
She says, "It's not me."
Parents believe her, can't see!

Mom said, "It was okay
to go over her house to play..."
--doesn't matter the day,
just don't say anything, okay?

Crazy celebrities,
holding up three,
another mom can't see
too blind to their fallacies.
She too holds up three.

Claims to be a good parent,
raises children well,
but doesn't notice
that her path leads them
straight to hell.

She says, "Don't talk,
that's my child!"
Evidence goes away, it's all been filed.
"Do you know what I've been through
and all I have to do?
In the midnight hour I cry--
feels like sometimes I'm going to die."

Mom loses it, sheds a tear,
someone comes along
to take away her fear.

Another child misled,
another parent goes to bed,
ignores all the signs
and what has been said.

Nicholl McGuire

Abused? You will survive. Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

The baby is crying yet again, another bill has gone unpaid, and you are ready to lose your mind from all the stress about yet another woman calling his phone...some of you reading this get the picture, others not so much, but good for you a man isn't your problem, money is good, and baby is calm!
However, there are many moms who don't have the luxury of having a peaceful, drama free household.  Someone somewhere is going to stay up a little later than usual tonight, because she is being abused yet again by a mate who says he loves her.  With tears in her eyes, she is going to call out to God to give her the strength to leave, while her mind says, "What about this...and what about that...?  Stay." 

I think back to those times when I had far too many headaches, backaches, and stomach aches, because of one thing or another with man, baby, health, and finances.  Yet, through it all, I made it out of those past storms while still having the strength to walk through current ones! 

Days, weeks, months, and years have gone by of crying and complaining.  Yet, now I made it to that point in motherhood where you finally realize that nothing is so serious, so bad, so anything that you can't rebound from as long as you have breath in your body!  Childhood issues, I survived.  Physical abuse, I survived.  Emotional abuse I survived.  Four childbirths, I survived.  Bad church experiences, I survived.  Many relocations and job losses, I survived.  Divorce, I survived.  Children with their share of problems, still surviving!  Shall I go on?

I observe many women and men with sons and daughters looking stressed when their children are around.  Sometimes the expressions on their faces seem to worsen when a partner says one too many things to some of these men and I wonder what is home life like for these people.  "I don't want to hear it..." the eyes say.  "Are you listening to me?" the one doing all the talking says.  He ignores the mother of his children as if she is a stranger. 

For some men, they can't handle children crying, a mate nagging, and other responsibilities that come with parenting so they freak out!  One too many requests, a negative tone of voice from a wife or girlfriend topped with misbehaving children and an angry man with a short fuse is ready to swing, push, shove, or kick the one who is doing what?  All the talking, crying or both.

There is no excuse for anyone being hit or slapped in the mouth for talking or crying--none!  It doesn't matter how loud or wild the words come out a mouth or where the mouth is directed, one should not have to endure anyone physically harming him or her.  Yet, some women will allow emotional and/or physical abuse to happen to them, because they feel guilty about what they said or did when they interacted with their mate or children.  Therefore, the abuser makes his victim feel worse while accusing her of pushing him to the point of no return.  "Look, what you made me do!  If you would just shut up none of this would have happened!  I told you what I will do if you keep talking, didn't I?" 

The abused woman will then attempt to make wrongs right only to meet yet another fist to the face or some other place on her body, because her abuser didn't want to hear her speak yet again about something he should have, could have done.

Abuse will make people cry--those being abused as well as those witnessing the abuse.  Children will cry more when they live in a intense environment which will only make matters worse the longer they stay there. 

Those who sincerely care will want to vindicate the victim, call the police, remove the children from the home, and do other things to stop the abuse.  The woman experiencing such pain will not talk as much to others like she once did.  She will isolate herself.  Sometimes she will hide her bruises behind makeup and sunglasses.  She will lie, cover for her abuser, and pretend as if her relationship is normal.  There is nothing normal about a name-calling, crazy man who has nothing better to do but to intimidate his partner and children, because he is having one of his fits yet again.

Some women think that because a partner hasn't hit or shoved them in a long time they are out the clear, but not necessarily.  Maybe the abuse has simply shifted from mom to children, from wife to mistress, or from girlfriend to relative.  What do the others really think of one's partner?  Who is catching hell when you aren't?

For those experiencing such pain staying with an abuser, know that every day that you stay in a bad relationship brings you closer to your grave or someone else's.  Most abusers don't change without professional counseling, medication, workplace changes, relocation, and more.  If you are with someone who is unwilling to do what's right to bring peace to your household, move on!

Nicholl McGuire creator of this blog and author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

Victims of abuse become survivors because one day a light bulb goes off in their heads that says, "I'm not going to take his abuse any longer, I am better than this."  The day a victim realizes that she can move on, get a better life without walking on egg shells around someone is the day that she is indeed a free woman!  Mothers, for the sake of your children, avoid sticking it out with someone who mistreats you.  One day your children will thank you for it!

Nicholl McGuire

Too Sexy Too Soon