When Mothers Cry Author Nicholl McGuire Talking about Stepmotherhood

Children are Still Being Kidnapped Everyday

What if your child was no more--I mean left, gone, without a trace!  This happened to a relative of mine.  She dropped off her daughter with a best friend only to return to pick her up after an extended stay and the two were no where to be found!  An Amber Alert was issued and luckily her child was recovered in another state hundreds of miles away from home unharmed. 

The pain, guilt, worry, and more that one goes through when he or she has to deal with an abduction.  Many of us parents don't bother to think about such things, because we have our children with us daily.  But when it happens to someone close to our families, we begin to have feelings of anxiety--we start to stress and trust levels begin to diminish  with some people in our inner circles.  We find ourselves being extra, sometimes overly, cautious. 

I thought of some points you may not have thought about lately when it comes to paying better attention to your children.  A wake up call typically moves us to do some things differently so as to prevent unnecessary issues as best we can and hopefully reduce the risk of a future kidnapping.

1.  Watch and listen to caretakers especially when they start referring to your children as theirs.

2.  Don't permit your children to stay anywhere often or for extended lengths of time, especially without checking in with the caretaker.

3.  Don't assume that because someone is nice and has a great background in handling children that he or she is always right, always trustworthy, and always treats your child with respect.

4.  When you have that stirring in your stomach, an odd feeling, or something that just doesn't seem right when you prepare to drop off your child with someone, don't ignore those signs!  Is missing a work day more important than the well being of your child?

5.  Pay particular attention to what your child/children say about certain individuals who come around them.  Don't brush off their statements as child talk and "kids being kids" particularly when you confront a caretaker about what he or she has said or done concerning your child.

6.  If something isn't right, most likely it isn't.  Always have a back up plan and don't hesitate to get authorities involved.

7.  Observe your surroundings.  Check out cars, trucks, and vans that seem to park near or around you whenever you walk with your child, visit with others, or drop your child off.  Notice who is sitting in those vehicles, what time they are parked and on what days.  Check for patterns.  View license plates, color and car make and note them in your cell phone or elsewhere.

In addition, do get your child's photo taken at least once a year.  Be sure to have fingerprints of your child filed away.  Also, know more about caretakers besides name, address, phone and other similar things.  Find out what their interests are.  Learn about where they are from and who their relatives are.  Take a photo of the caretaker with your child.  Jot down the vehicle information of the caretaker.  Note names of assistants, friends, church and civic group affiliations.  With this information, if something should ever occur with your child, the police have some information to conduct a thorough investigation.

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Being a Homemaker: What You Need to Know

Today’s mother most likely isn't one, her mother may have been one, and her grandmother most likely was one. Every woman and man should experience being a homemaker at least once in his or her life. It is a job unlike no other. A new appreciation, respect, and a love for his or her sister carrying this role will arise. One who has experienced staying at home will come to understand the sacrifices that her mother, grandmother or great grandmother had to make to become everything to everyone. Who will clean and organize the household, prepare meals, care for the spouse and children, run errands for the elderly in the family, attend teacher conferences and follow up with doctor’s appointments? So many things to do and so little time to do them when you are working outside the home.

Today’s mother and father have missed out on so much or have they? It all depends on whom you talk to, for some women and men, they have to work. It isn’t an option. He or she doesn’t want to miss out on his or her children’s development or the last memories of their ailing parent, but these are sacrifices one has to make. The working parent may covet the homemaker’s position, but he or she shouldn’t since there are pros and cons to working just as there are pros and cons to staying at home.

Being a homemaker has been the only job title that has stood the tests of time and it is the least appreciated position. Do you have what it takes to become one? The advice and questions to follow will challenge your thinking and help you determine whether this is an occupation for you.

Most women find themselves seeking the homemaker position not usually by choice. Unanticipated life circumstances usually throw many women and men into this role. A recent job loss, unexpected pregnancy, or illness, are just a few reasons why people become homemakers. Unfortunately it isn’t a coveted position by most people mainly because they know that to become a homemaker means to give up money in exchange for increase responsibility that may involve caring for crying babies, challenged children, or ailing relatives.

Besides giving up money, one’s social life is also sacrificed. There isn’t a ready support system available to a homemaker during those lonely afternoons, or an endless flow of money. The reality is he or she may have an ongoing battle inside their minds between going to work and being at home. They may be experiencing the tears of frustration that no one knows about because there just isn’t enough money, free time for oneself, patience to one day pursue a dream, or planning for more problems ahead. No one knows these feelings nor cares as much as other homemakers. The working spouse doesn’t always empathize because in their minds they are faced with their own set of challenges and to some they think it is easy being at home, “so what are you complaining about?”

The women who become homemakers by choice have coveted this position, because being away from children and other responsibilities has become a heavy burden on their minds. They most often have created a financial plan with their spouse that will allow for them to stay at home. Yet, for many people this just isn’t the case. Instead, they are burdened with a plan of escape. How do I get back on track to get a job? When will I have the time to interview? How will my working impact the family?

Since many of you reading this may be considering the homemaker position, here’s what you need to know.

Don’t expect your spouse or mate to always be “okay” about your staying at home. They may appear to be that way in the beginning, but in time they will be thinking of how much money they may be giving you and will want to use that money for whatever they are hoping to achieve. It’s unfortunate but for some mate’s “okay” has its time limit. Every now and then check in with them to find out if they are still okay with you not working.

Have you and your mate discussed putting money away for your retirement? When you stay at home there is usually no money put aside for your own retirement. Many women have had to face this problem later in life and live on very little because no one bothered to think about the future.

Can you really afford to stay home? If you are use to living a certain way of life and spending your own money, then this is not a position for you. In the beginning, you will find that it is a nice vacation being at home if you don’t have too much responsibility. However, it gets old quick when you look through a magazine or see something on television that you really want and you can’t buy it.

Know that everyone won’t be happy for you staying at home. Some of your family and friends may appear that they are happy about your sacrifice, but they may not. Be careful of who you pick to join your support system If you have a relative or friend working that would rather be home, they will feed into those negative moments when you are feeling down about staying at home and discourage you.

Desires will come to want to make time for your self. When you can, obey those desires. Don’t try to play the super man or woman role by being available to everyone all of the time. Some of the consequences to not listening to your self when it needs “me time” are feelings of resentment, negative attitudes, illness and sudden mood swings.

You will become jealous from time to time about others’ social lives. Those feelings will manifest at times when your spouse or someone close to you tells you stories about their social life. You will miss those times you spent with co-workers going to lunch, parties, and other events. Some times you can curb those feelings by simply doing something for yourself and getting together with old friends.

Don’t be ashamed of what you do. People will criticize your choice by making negative comments. Defend what you do and be proud of it. Focus on the pros about staying at home. Just think, you know what is going on with your family daily. You can spend time with your children whenever you want. If you want to spend all day at the beach you can. If you want to start your own business, your schedule is flexible. When someone needs you, you can be there without answering to a boss. You can catch up on hobbies. Take up a new interest. Watch daytime television. There are perks for staying at home contrary to the brainwashing of the media and others who seek to benefit when a mother doesn't stay at home with children.

Nicholl McGuire