When You are a Thorn in Someone Else's Flesh

You didn't think your issues would grow into anything more than just that, your issues.  But then you opened your mouth or someone noticed something about you and now what you are going through seems like it has become frontpage news.

In the Christian Bible, the Apostle Paul talks about a thorn in his flesh, a personal problem he had that God had yet to remove.  Whatever that something was that Paul struggled with, the Bible doesn't say, but even a man of God had his share of issues and God still used him anyway.  This proves that you don't have to have it altogether to be used by God despite what ministers, teachers, and one's self-righteous parents or grandparents claim.  We also know that Mary had her share of problems brought on, not by man, but by God.  A young girl who would carry a child that wasn't her fiance's out of wedlock.  Imagine the shame she experienced.  So what do these two characters have in common? God, a heavenly Creator who didn't take all troubles away despite being chosen by Him.  Critics of these two people's lives had much to say during biblical times.  It didn't matter what God was doing to draw men and women closer to Him, there were going to be those who criticized, ridiculed, and did whatever else to God's chosen people.  If you are a believer, then you know that you are marked by an enemy to keep drama going in your life.  It is how you handle that drama that makes a difference.

For some readers, you may have brought some situations on yourself and you aren't proud of them. God may have used your unfortunate issues to bring glory to Him.  But whatever you are going through, a critic might be talking about your thorn, your calling, your project, your child or something else.  This person may be responsible for keeping you upset, but you don't have to stay that way.

I recall when I became pregnant with my first child.  It was then that I learned who was friend and who was foe.  Those who once invited the childless me to church and other places, didn't want to have much to do with me when they heard I was expecting.  I was in my early twenties, didn't have much money, periodically attended church, and low and behold unmarried and pregnant.  Did God abandon me because of my situation?  No.  He loved me anyway.  I didn't stop talking about Him because of my poor choices.  I casted my burdens on Him, confessed sin, and asked my Lord to help me and put me around wise people.  In my own strength, I attempted to make wrongs right by marrying my child's father.  But I learned later in life, that if God doesn't want you to do something, it doesn't matter what society says or what you feel is right at the time, he has his reasons.  Wrongs could have been made right in his time and not my own.  As a result, I am divorced today.  God had a better plan, but I didn't see it back then because I was more concerned about what people thought.

There were other times in my life I noticed that when I was no longer giving money to certain groups, due to my family responsibilities, so-called Do-Gooders' calls, letters and gifts stopped coming.  The issues that I was dealing with didn't welcome help, rather they only brought on negative talk by critics, a self-righteous and mean-spirited bunch.  Back to God for wisdom and strength. 

Somehow your issues become others' issues.  Yet, God has his way of taking poor, miserable you and turning you around to be rich in favor with Him.  How does he do that?  By taking a magnifying glass and showing you your  self-righteous critics' errors who think they are "better, good, kind, sweet, nice, successful..."  He doesn't do this so that you can parade around and say to your enemies, "Aha!  I knew you were nothing but a..."  Rather, your Holy Father teaches you via your struggles as well as your naysayers' issues that these people aren't better than you and you aren't better than anyone else--what a humbling experience! 

God shows you that wisdom can be found not only in good decision-making but poor choices too if you draw near to Him.  Some of us are simply too hard-headed at times to just take the easy routes in life, we have to fall hard before we can see the light.  Our Creator gives us a plan for our lives to do things like:  come up higher (ie. don't act petty, worry or plot revenge), be free from issues (ie. emotional, spiritual and physically binding relationships/partnerships), and the bravery to stand up to enemies.

I know that some of you are seeking knowledge that will get you out of your current dilemmas, and I am sure you will find it.  But just remember, there are people and then there are souls--the flesh may die, but the soul doesn't.  As much as you would like to poke someone with your thorn, don't.  One day we all will sit in judgment for the pain and suffering we have caused others if we don't confess sin and repent now for what we have done or are doing to self and others. 

If you or someone you know is hurt because of someone else's actions or in-actions about a matter, know that God will avenge in his time, not yours.  Take your burdens to Him and leave them there!  Don't keep talking about your problems with others when solutions are already on the way--move on! 

To God be the glory!

Nicholl McGuire 

New Parents: On Getting Children to Talk

Once your children are able to walk, talk and be away from you, you might want to converse with them about things that will make them aware of people, places and things that could quite possibly cause them harm.  Don't leave it up to the school to teach your children about things like good touch and bad touch, good manners and bad ones, and stranger danger.  Create your own lesson plans and start talking!

Discuss good touch, bad touch.

Tell children about protecting their private parts and not allowing adults and children to touch them unless they are hurt.  If so, show them how doctors touch and teachers so that they recognize what is good and bad touch.  Verbalize what would be considered bad touch and tell them why they shouldn't let people hurt them.

Talk about good girls and guys, bad guys and girls.

These conversation works well with the previous one, because it tells children that not everyone who smiles, laughs or brings them something nice is a friend.  Show them examples of children who were hurt because they followed a man to a car.  Role-play with someone or with their toy figures so that children further understand what you mean.

Encourage children to share stories about their days.

You can use their daily experiences to teach them other things like: how to be polite, how to share, how to act when others are acting badly, and more.  Sometimes you can use a book, a toy or someone to trigger thoughts in your child's mind about things they did or said while you were away.  Ask questions about how something made them feel and what they did to handle a situation.  Always smile and watch your tone of voice so that children will want to talk to you.  Don't tell them what you will do to someone because they did something to your child.  You don't want your child to be scared and start keeping secrets because they don't want to anger you--so act calmly.

Draw pictures or do other projects with your child.

Children will talk more especially boys when they are busy with something else like building something, eating, drawing, or putting something away, so do invite your child to talk by using the activities they are doing to start dialoging.

Use gifts, money, candy, fun places to visit, and other things to keep children talking.

When you give children nice things because they are doing such a "good job, playing nicely, being polite"  they will be more likely to continue conversing with you.

Be watchful for other opportunities to talk and teach your children.  Make yourself approachable.  Sometimes simply sitting down and watching a child play or do something else will move him or her to come over and talk to you. 

Many children grow up to be some of the best communicators because they had people around them who enjoyed talking and listening to them.


Nicholl McGuire also maintains a parenting blog here.

Teach Your Children to Listen to God

May this video be a blessing to you when teaching your children about being obedient to the Lord!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88vMUtwbgdI

Selfish Parents: Those Who Don't Love Children Enough

Selfish Parents: Those Who Don't Love Children Enough

Setting Boundaries with Children Doesn't Make You a Bad Parent

Ever get into a conversation with someone on how you teach your children or advise a fellow parent on why he or she shouldn't spoil a child? Almost immediately the person you are sharing your story with laughs off the child's behavior, takes the “favored” parent's side and says something like, “Let kids be kids...oh that's not so bad...its alright that dad gives them what they want.”

Some parents experience a variety of feelings when listening to one who most likely indulges his or her own children and has had a few too many wars with a partner as a result. It isn't wise to assume that one is being overly protective, strict, or even crazy when it comes to training a child just because a parent says, “I don't give my child...I don't let my child...I am not the kind of parent who would...” Simply allowing one to share a story, without judgment, is all that is really needed. Put yourself in the parent's shoes, would you want someone labeling you because you do or don't do certain things with your children?

Establishing boundaries is very necessary when parenting children. Consider the many places you and your children visit where there are guidelines, principles, laws, and more that must be adhered to. So if a parent doesn't want to give a child a sugary food item before a meal, frequent fast food establishments or let a child stay up pass bedtime often, he or she has good reason. Not every child is the same and must be managed differently based on one's personality, health, location, etc. But people who don't know all the facts, don't bother to ask questions, and avoid looking beyond their own personal experiences, jump to conclusions.

Children should be taught early on at home about things like: sharing, respecting others' time, not being greedy, acting responsibly and other things that will help them have a quality life in this world while still managing to get along with others. With proper teaching, children can easily adapt to a world comprised of many authority figures, workers, and others who aid, manage and build our society. However, self-indulgent, spoiled children, who are use to parents sitting at their feet and waiting on them, will not adjust well at work, home and elsewhere. While others are getting their own tools, building their own lives, and teaching others, the spoiled child (turned helpless young adult) will be at a lost searching for anyone to help him or her—good, bad or otherwise. In time, he or she will discover that not everyone is nice and couldn't care less and so back home this person goes for a pat on the head from mom or dad saying, “It's okay. They don't understand you. You are a good person. Don't worry, we will help you.” When mom and dad should really be saying, “I apologize for not teaching you well. Since you are back at home with us, here is what you need to learn or re-learn.”

 

 

Governing one's home in a way that keeps foolishness out while teaching children right from wrong is not a bad thing, so ignore voices that ignorantly say, “Oh, let kids be kids.” Telling a child “No” shouldn't be a problem and if it is then a parent needs to ask his or herself, “Why is this an issue for me?” Then make some changes. But for some parents who grew up with lack, they don't want to address the errors of their ways. They also don't fully realize that going from a lifestyle of not having to too much giving isn't going to make their children necessarily better people in the long-run. There are many once spoiled children who grow up to be selfish and the following happens to them as a result: divorced multiple times, in and out of jail, homeless off and on, abusive, addicted to substances, unemployed often, and more because they just don't understand that people aren't going to bend over backwards for them and that the majority of society dislikes greedy, selfish people.