At times, my children will tell me about something that happened awhile ago and before long I am impressed with their knowledge of retaining all that occurred on that day. But there are those times, that I wish they would forget! They have been known to share their feelings about how they disliked parents arguing, the time when they didn't get a certain toy, the "bad" kids in school, and then will question why they haven't heard from grandparents or other relatives. I just get quiet and listen. Sometimes I respond with a "Welcome to the real world..." comment and a "Wait until you are older..." retort.
Children remember things that we, as parents, can only hope they will one day forget while forgetting about things that we wish they would remember! I like to get my own children involved with things to help stimulate their minds to want to remember the good times. Thus far the following actions have been helpful in directing their attention to more positive memories:
1. Dinner conversations work with question and answer sessions.
2. Listing examples of what we should and shouldn't be doing are aided with video and real life situations--sometimes seeing is simply better than preaching.
3. Bringing out family photographs and explaining who, what, when, where, why, and how. This way they don't feel too bad about certain relatives--even though you personally feel insulted about how others might or might not be reacting to your children.
4. Encourage them to draw out their feelings with markers, crayons, and paper.
5. Plan travel from grocery stores to visiting family while ensuring that their are fun things for the children.
I think all of these attempts at replacing bad times with more good times have brought on positive memories. I keep my digital camera and video camera handy to help record these positive times for viewing later. The children are doing well in school and don't seem to hold too much of anything against me ie.) divorce. They realize that parents, teachers, relatives, and friends are flawed and sometimes we just have to give people the pass.
Nicholl McGuire
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