No matter what you say, some mothers will not listen to
sound advice. The biggest problem for
many moms is that they think they know-it-all when it comes to all things
related to parenting. But upon closer
inspection of many families, you will quickly learn that there are a lot of
mothers, especially if they are busy moms, that can tell you everything about
their jobs, civic groups, child’s school, etc. yet very little about their family’s
personal needs or struggles, they simply don’t know-it-all.
Some moms will quickly take offense when asked the question “why” about their family
situation. They will start hiding truth,
telling lies and snap back with how they know this and that about their intimate
relationship, sons, daughters and challenging situations on the home front. They don’t need anyone to tell them
otherwise. Meanwhile, interview the
family members and they might say something different (that is if they aren’t
fearful of mom or worried about being disloyal).
Being busy is to blame for why a mom is not up on her family
needs (the kind of busyness that was never God ordained, but more like being
covetous and desiring to be all that society demands a mom to be). Some moms are more concerned about getting
one’s own needs met, goals accomplished and appearances kept up; rather than
really sorting out whether her thoughts and deeds are conflicting with her
family. The truth of the matter is there
are those moms who are listing everything they want to do for their children
while the sons and daughters are quietly saying, “That’s what you want mom, but
what about me? Do you hear me? I’m not interested in going to college…I’m
not interested in your associations…I rather not go where you are, work at your
company or even wear what you buy me!”
But is mom listening and stepping back?
God doesn’t put any more on a mother than she can bear. But what do most moms do? Take on tasks that are better suited for her
family while ignoring all sound advice. What
should we do? Let loved ones fail
sometimes. That’s life! Permit your family to make choices without
your input periodically. Create an
atmosphere where everyone isn’t dependent on you. But nope, mom is superwoman! She upsets her stomach and head trying to do
everything for her family who can do for themselves! Then she cries out to God, “Why? Why don’t they listen? Why won’t they meet me half way? Why do they cause me so much grief?” May I just remind you that you brought many
things on yourself including an insatiable need for more money, more money and
more money! Instead of delegating
responsibilities, reducing work hours, asking others to step up to the plate,
and more. Everyone has a responsibility
to manage self and household from picking up toys to running errands but the
question is, “When will you step back?
When will you feel comfortable to let people in your household do some
things on their own?”
Moms are supposed to TRAIN a child, yet some did everything
for their children, who are now adults, hoping that one day they will reap the
rewards of all their sacrifices from their children. But can I say that from my personal
observation of many families, most sons and daughters create families of their
own who become busy and have little time for moms. So if you are waiting for the big payback,
keep waiting, you may never see it in this lifetime.
There is a difference between a parent training, and a
parent doing for his or her family. Why
is it so easy for a career mom to get that point when it comes to the
workforce, but when it comes to her household she is at a loss?
A number of moms are currently so stressed and angered about
their family situations and struggle with the question of “Why did things go
from bad to worse?” Could it be, for
some moms, that all their preaching and bragging about how much she loves her
family and “we never have any problems like those other families…” has now come
back to haunt her? Could it be that she
has become a slave to her family because she took on far too many roles and
gave her Creator just a little lip service in the process? “Help me Lord…sorry don’t have much time for
prayer…can’t remember when I last read your Bible, you know my kids and all…I
mean I know you gave me my family, and when I have time, I will check in--just
answer this prayer for me, thanks.” Meanwhile,
her husband isn’t permitted to live out his role, because she is running
everything, so he just sits back and watches TV, hangs out with friends, etc. She doesn’t need him she thinks, because “I
got this…” The sons and daughters are
not allowed to live out their roles because “Mom will take care of it.” So mom feels like she has to be all things to
all people. Then when she is informed of
all of her unwise decision-making, forgetfulness, and busyness, she wants to
throw a fit? She cuts conversations
short. She yells and curses. She gossips to friends about “the nerve of
some people…” She goes for weeks at a
time ignoring wise counselors. Why? Because she doesn’t want to hear the truth,
because she thinks she knows-it-all.
Think about this mom if this blog entry describes you, the
next time you do your child’s homework, write your child’s essay to get into
college, lie on an application to get some benefits, take on yet another task
for your husband or boyfriend, put yourself in further financial bondage to
help someone, rob yourself of peace of mind because you just have to do yet one
more thing, make negative comments about how others deal with their families,
brag about yourself and family… know that God sees all! Allow Him to make your burdens light and if
you don’t believe in Him or can’t hear from Him, at least, listen to his
messengers before you have no family, no good health, or nothing good to say
about anything simply because you choose not to change the way you think and do
some things differently in your life.
We falsely assume that stress and opposition always has
something to do with the devil or evil, when sometimes these things arise as
warnings to let us know the following: that
the time isn’t right, we aren’t making the best decisions right now, we ought
to save time and money for a future pressing need, or slow down because a
crisis is ahead. If we just pay close
attention to the red flags, we could easily make our burdens light. Take a moment to think about those things
that are causing you some difficulty and start lightening your load.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:30, NIV
Nicholl McGuire, Author of When Mothers Cry, Amazon.com. She also has another parenting blog, besides this one
here.
