They lie, those abusers (smh). They swear up and down they love their families and they will do anything for them. Well if that is so, why the impatience, frustration, anger outbursts, and attitude on a daily or weekly basis when questioned about disrespectful behaviors, asked to help with a task or meet the needs of a child, or other seemingly harmless requests? Why do abusers say that threatening behavior never happened, that curse words were never exchanged, that one never, couldn't have, wouldn't have...ego is all-too-important it suffocates truth.
1. Abusers are selfish. They always look out for self first!
2. Abusers lie, deny and cover-up their mean-spirited deeds.
3. Abusers pretend to be faithful to God, claim to be good men/women, upstanding citizens, etc.
4. Abusers are actors who know how to play the friendly and honest gentleman or woman when called upon or feel they might be exposed.
5. Abusers believe they are smarter than most people. That's why they don't believe they will ever get caught in their mischief.
6. Abusers have either watched others be abused or been abused by a relative, family friend or stranger(s) so they feel totally comfortable with hurting other people.
7. Abusers come in any shape, size, color, with any educational background, or economic status. Stop convincing yourself, "Well he/she doesn't look like an abuser."
8. Abusers will put children up to lying, covering up, hurting others, etc. when it suits them.
9. Abusers have triggers, personality disorders, and other issues that require professional help.
10. Abusers are exposed by God. The demons within and around can't stand the Creator or the people who acknowledge Him.
These in-laws and buddies just don't know their abusive loved ones very well or do they? Maybe they are in on the denial. "My dear son would never raise a hand to you!" Well, he did. "My dear daughter is a freedom fighter for lesbians, she would never..." But she did. Some of you have been in your marriages and partnerships long enough to know differently. But it's your secret, safe with me. We know better!
Abusive men and women who pride themselves on controlling others while falsely believing they never do wrong, will not admit to abuse unless there is a plea bargain after they have murdered someone. During interrogation he or she will say, "I don't know...I wasn't there...I wasn't aware...I never...I love my partner too much..." Don't believe it! Please, don't believe it. The abuse got a slow start in the early days exposing one's own controlling ways. Back then, he or she was better at covering up one's fragilities, but as they and their relationships get older not so much No one knew one could be capable of such things--not even the victim until abusive episodes happened!
Curse words flying out of one's mouth for seemingly small things is usually a sign there is more ahead. Those curse words directed at everyone else other than you is a start. You riding in the car or walking along side your partner during the early dating phase didn't think much of his or her negative attitude. Then it was the anger that showed up soon after visiting family and friends and you asked, "What's wrong?" The response, "Nothing. I'm okay..." One child, two children, three or more later, the anger intensified didn't it? Yelling, slamming things, shutting down...Mom was simply too busy to be bothered with that crazy man in the next room. You see, you saw something like this when you were growing up. It wasn't always so nice at home, now was it? So it all comes back around full circle. Now you understand why your abused loved one was very cautious when dealing with her crazy spouse and/or kin.
The abusive partner denies feelings, suppresses offenses, and then one day explodes! In the early days you were shocked, but not anymore. In the early days you dismissed what you saw, but not anymore. He or she is crazy--something is wrong! Some of you Moms requested or maybe even demanded couples counseling, anger management or substance addiction help but to no avail. Not quite ready to leave yet, you scratch your head thinking, "What can I do?" It's not your battle, the abuser is angry--even the bible warns to stay away from an angry man or woman.
Emotional abuse signs include: name-calling, put-downs, crass humor, silent treatment, ignoring, gas-lighting, denial, etc. Physical abuse signs include: throwing things, punching, hitting, kicking, spitting, choking, etc. The writing is on the wall along with the last time a partner threw or punched something, are you seeing the signs? Get out while there is still time!
Nicholl McGuire is an author and inspirational speaker. She recorded this message here on YouTube: Power and Control Wheel Safety Plan and Spiritual Uplift.
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